Behind The Shades

When is a Fish Taco really a Cherry Balsamic Duck & Spinach Salad ?

2011-02-15T12:36:00.001-07:00

During this past Super Bowl, one of the dishes I made was described as a Cherry Balsamic Duck with Spinach & Goat Cheese Panini. It was far & away my favorite dish out of the many that I made that day. The dish actually walked away with the coveted MVP Award and it did get to go to where it was honored with a parade. I placed the recipe in my hall of fame never to be deleted file and then proceeded to obsess about it all last week. It got so bad that I had this conversation yesterday with my wife.

One Track Mind Me: “So since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I won’t get home in time to cook you dinner, what can I make you for dinner tonight ? You name it, I’ll make it.”

My Extremely Better Half: “Really ? You are going to cook dinner for me tonight ? You would do that ?”

Feeling Pretty Good About Myself Me: “Of course I will cook dinner. I always cook a Valentine’s dinner for you. Last year it was either Lobsters or Stuffed Turkey Burgers, I can’t remember. So what can I make for you this year?”

The Woman of My Dreams: “Oh thank you honey. I would love your fish tacos.”

Not Hearing The Answer I Wanted To Hear Me: “Fish Tacos ? Really ? What about the Duck Paninis from last weekend ?”

The Love of My Life Who Didn’t Catch My Hint: “Ooo – those would be good too but we haven’t had your fish tacos in a while and I LOVE your fish tacos.”

Hearing Nothing But Those Would Be Good Too Me: “I will check to see if ShopRite has any duck breasts and then you can decide what I should make. Do we still have any of the dried cherries ?”

(As you can see, communication is key to a successful relationship)

So with my shopping list in hand (with both Duck & Fish Tacos ingredients on it) I headed for the store. I bypassed the produce & seafood departments like they were yesterday’s news as I made a beeline straight for the duck. Last week I had been thwarted by a sale on duck breasts and had to settle for duck legs. This time however, the culinary gods were smiling on me and there were 5 duck breasts just sitting there waiting to jump into my basket. I circled back to the front of the store, once again completely avoiding the seafood counter for fear that I might see a great sale on mahi mahi or snapper or grouper & get sucked back into the fish taco vortex, and grabbed a box of organic baby spinach leaves, a Vidalia onion, a bag of dried cherries, a big slab of goat cheese and a bag of Portuguese Rolls because nothing flattens in a Panini press better than those rolls. I also grabbed a Red Velvet Cake to be used as a shiny distraction for when I got home with bags of groceries that obviously did not include the fixings for some Pre-Valentine’s Day requested By My Wife Fish Tacos.

(As a complete off topic aside, did you know that February 13 is also known as “Mistress Day” since Valentine’s Day belongs to the wife ? I didn’t know that little fun fact until I was sitting on the couch with my beautiful bride while we were watching the Grammy Awards and let me just say, that it is also one of those bits of information it is always good to know AFTER the fact.)

As I did work around the house the rest of the day, I started to feel a little guilty (not really but my lovely wife might be reading) for ignoring the request that was made by my adoring wife for fish tacos. I also got to thinking that maybe Paninis really weren’t “classy” enough for a Valentine’s Dinner so, even though I had a bag of those great Portuguese rolls, I would sacrifice them for a more elegant plated dinner that played off the Panini ingredients. I also decided that we should have sweet potato fries because the orange color would look great on the plate and I also knew that we had a bag of Ore Ida Sweet Potato Fries in the freezer (another thing I learned from the Super Bowl – quit trying to make them myself). My vision was now clear, a Cherry Balsamic Duck & Spinach Salad for my wife and Cherry Balsamic Duck with wilted spinach & sweet potato fries for the kids.

The fist thing I tackled was the sauce that I would eventually cook the duck in as well as use as a dressing for the salad. The ingredients were as follows:

½ large Vidalia onion sliced thin & chopped

½ cup dried cherries – chopped

2 TBS olive oil

¼ cup cherry balsamic vinegar

½ cup white wine

1 cup chicken stock

Salt & Pepper to taste

While this was cooking & reducing, I set the oven to 400 degrees (mainly for the sweet potato fries) for the finishing touch. I also fired up my grill pan while sprinkling some red Hawaiian sea salt (I always go to the crutch ingredients I can’t live without) & cracked black pepper on the scored duck breasts. When the grill pan was hot enough, I laid the duck breasts skin side down and listened to them sizzle. After a few minutes I turned them over so the breast side would also start to cook. Another few minutes and it was a quick transfer to the sauce pan. Turn & Turn to coat both sides and then it was straight into the oven, skin side up, to finish.

While those were in the oven getting a little color & some crispiness on the skin, I quickly rinsed the on sale organic spinach and set it aside. I also got the plates out. Small plates for the non-salad eaters and low flat pasta bowls for the salad eaters. I also got some crushed pecans out of the cabinet because I would hate to have one of the pompous judges from CHOPPED condemn my salad because there wasn’t a “crunch” to offset the “texture of the meal”.

When the skin was golden brown and the duck looked ready, I pulled it from the 400 degree oven and let the breasts rest on a nearby cutting board. I threw a couple of handfuls of spinach into the pan with the sauce and stirred it all together until the spinach was well cooked and then placed it onto the non-salad plates with some of the cherries & onions from the pan. In the other bowls, I just put the raw uncooked spinach into the bowls in anticipation of the sliced duck breasts. Then I thin sliced the duck breasts and tried to fan them out as artistically as possible on the plates & beds of spinach. A crumble of goat cheese, evenly distributed atop the duck slices in the salad bowls, was followed by spoonfuls of the hot cherry balsamic sauce drizzled over the top. The sauce slowly started to melt the goat cheese. A sprinkle of pecans for garnish & crunch and Voila ! - the forgotten fish tacos were a thing of the past.

Ridiculously simple. Ridiculously elegant. No leftovers. Not even a duck scrap. My lovely easy to please no high maintenance wife afterward commented that this could be a dish that we could serve at a dinner party. I think I scored.

Now if you did want to make Paninis instead, the only real change comes in the plating. Last Sunday all I did was take the duck, spinach, goat cheese & sauce and stick it all between halves of a Portuguese roll and then press it flat. In this case, you get to eat the serving plate instead of washing it.

Come back next time when we talk about something else entirely different. I think.

My Birthday Dinner

2010-05-05T13:31:00.001-06:00

I wish I had pictures to share with you of the dinner my most awesome wife put together for my birthday last night but by the time we even thought of a camera, we had attacked the table like the Fantastic Mr. Fox and his family.

As is the custom in our house, the one celebrating their birthday gets to decide on the menu for dinner that night. As always, I chose my wife's Crab Cakes. I also requested a yellow cake with chocolate icing. As for the sides and or anything else, I left that up to my wife to surprise me.

When we first got married my wife pored over cookbooks (still does) looking for new things & ways to cook. She had been brought up in a very traditional italian family so her frame of food reference had been somewhat one dimensional. I was brought up on casseroles, baked chicken and hamburger every way you could. It wasn't until I moved west that I started to think outside of the box and experiment with different flavors & styles. One of the first dishes my wife started to make & perfect was crabcakes. I have always loved crabcakes and I would order them almost every time I saw them on a menu. Now back when we first got married, the budget was bit tighter than it is even now and the crab began with a K instead of a C but they were still good. They were labor intensive but they were a labor of love and I think that alone made them taste better than any Krab with a K should ever taste. as the years went by, they got easier to make and the recipe got tweaked. The biggest change was our shift to the front of the alphabet back to Crab with a C. Well last night my wife nailed them again. She made me crabcakes that were soft, light & melt in your mouth. This time she even served them with a warm & spicy mango vinaigrette that raised them to yet another level. I was in heaven and so were my kids as the crabcakes disappeared quite quickly from the plate in the center of the table.

As one side my wife made an excellent corn & black bean salad from this website (http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Black-Bean-And-Corn-Salad-I/Detail.aspx< ) that we have made over & over again over the years. I like to warm it up after mixing it all together and then letting it cool before serving. It kind of let's the flavors meld together in a real nice way. I think the balsamic vinegar & the cumin help to give it a layer of complexity that you don't really expect in a salad. It looks great on a plate and it is a great dish to take to any potluck picnic you mat attend this summer. The other side was more of an appetizer but also a favorite of mine and a standard dish for every Super Bowl. She made my Deviled Eggs with Cheddar Cheese & Bacon. The kids absolutely love these. Throw some leftover pasta on the table along with some Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips & Salsa and we were more than good to go.

There was one more addition to the menu that was strictly for me. For as long as I can remember my wife has been making me a cold Mango Cream Soup. It's silky smooth and goes down like melted ice cream. Sometimes she throws in berries or peaches to change it up a little and I almost always throw in some Sriracha Sauce or some Tabasco Chipotle to, as Emeril says, kick it up a notch. Last night my wife had found two absolutely perfect mangoes for the soup and it was the best I can remember. I can't wait to get home tonight so I can grab the leftover container and wolf it down while watching Modern Family.

As for the cake, I am traditional. I like a yellow cake with chocolate icing. My mother always threw a box of pudding mix into the cake mix to help make the cake moister and so does my wife. She must have also whipped that batter on high for more than the 2 minutes on the box because my cake was sporting a pouf that would have made Snooki jealous. My kids released their inner Jackson Pollack's and decorated the cake in a kaleidoscope of colors & designs. The french vanilla ice cream was the perfect compliment to the cake and if I am not mistaken, the cake & ice cream combo is being requested for an encore performance tonight.

And that's the view for now from Swampy's Kitchen. Stop by again when we talk about how many leftovers you can throw into a tortilla before the kids notice and start to complain

The SwampGarden v20.10

2010-05-04T13:09:00.000-06:00

Five days a week my existence on this earth pretty much boils down to concrete, metal, glass and an uncomfortable chair behind an old desk. I answer emails, ignore phone calls and push a lot of paper. If I strain my neck when I press my face up against my office window, I can almost see the sky. On Friday afternoons, if I look down, I can see the Mitzvah Tank. When it rains, I ride the E Train. It’s about as far from a bucolic & serene setting as you can get. That’s why this is such a great time of the year. On my other two days, I can escape into my garden.

I never did have much of a green thumb growing up. In college and for a few years after, the only kind of plant that I could consistently keep alive was a cactus and I think the cactus I had in Denver was just too nasty to die because nothing should have been able to live in that apartment. I’m surprised that I did. Though there are some questions as to whether I was actually living in the mid-80’s. I think I may have been in a slideways sort of existence myself but that is really here nor there and not anywhere near the point I am trying to make. That being said, it wasn’t until I got married that I started to think about growing a garden of my own. We started with flowers & herbs in pots on our townhouse deck. We moved onto to bigger pots of flowers & herbs when we bought our first house but the groundhogs figured out how to climb up on the deck so that ended that experiment. I hacked a garden out of the woods at our next house and despite the fact that we were deep in the woods and the sun rarely made it through, I still got a couple of tomatoes and a handful of peppers each year. Finally we moved to the house I will call “The Final Resting Place” because my next move is six feet under and that is as far as I am going. Here we had a huge backyard with a ton of sun and I knew it was time for me to embrace the notion of becoming a “Gentleman Farmer”.

I didn’t just stick my toe in this time with a couple of pots & a small plot. I had a fence 7 feet high built out in my yard around a 50X30 patch of grass. I tore that grass up and worked that dirt. I added topsoil. I added mulch. I did it all by hand. I decided to go all natural too and just do battle with Mother Nature & her host of creepy crawlies in any and every which way I could as long as it didn’t involve chemicals. Most of all, I overplanted. I bought & planted every kind of tomato my local nursery carried no matter what it looked like. I did pretty much the same with the hot & sweet peppers and I planted more beans & squash than I could keep track of or even use. I figured I could grow them all and I would have basket upon basket of fresh produce all summer. To a certain extent, I did.

You see what I forgot about was that my wife & kids were going to be away almost the whole summer because of the kitchen construction and with the house ripped up & no one home, it meant I was gone a lot too. The plants took their cue and ran away with it. I had plants stretching & growing everywhere. It was a vast web of shoots, leaves & branches. What was missing was any semblance of order or decorum. Plants went wherever they wanted to go and much like my life in Denver in the 80's, I was their chief enabler. I didn't know how to say no to a plant and I never cut any of them off or short. What I wound up with was a respectable haul that could have been oh so much more. I planned on being more judicious the following year as I hauled away the dead plants & vines on cleanup day.

I wish I had remembered my end of season vows when the spring approached. I overbought all the same culprits and I was so excited that I planted them all 2 weeks earlier than I should have. Mother Nature took notice of my eagerness and proceeded to whack me with a heavy very unseasonable two day frost followed by torrential downpours. I tried to rescue what I could and backfilled with late starters. That turned into a mistake as a great number of the frost damaged plants started coming back slowly. Of course I had saved them and then compounded my errors by trying to shoehorn them in wherever I could. Which led to even more overcrowding especially when rogue plants from seeds gone by started sprouting up. Throw in surgery on my arm (no heavy work for what should have been two weeks but turned into four), enough rain to float Noah's rowboat and my garden was once again an underperforming overgrown mess. I was depressed all winter.

So this year I decided on the less is more approach toward the SwampGarden. I planned out my strategy with my wife, who this year has vowed to help, and we began our attack. We were going to take a cue from the wild grape tomato that had sprung up in the middle of the Cayenne & Cherry Peppers last year and completely took over that section of the garden. We were going to give the plants room to grow & flourish. As soon as the ground began to thaw I began to turn the dirt and my wife & children began to rake & pull weeds. We did it again a few weeks later and just like clockwork, the late season freeze came & went but this time there was nothing in the ground but worms. So this past Sunday we went to eat breakfast at the Big Red Barn and then it was off to the local garden store to pick up some plants.

The choices, while not as varied as in years past, still were more than this impulse buyer needed to be confronted with at that time. I agonized as I restrained myself from buying two of everything and one of things I knew hadn’t grown in the past just to prove to myself and the dumb plant that I could make them grow. When all was said & done, I walked out with my smallest start of the year purchase and my plan still intact. The list of plants in the ground this year so far is as follows:

4 – Supersonic Tomatoes

4 – Beefsteak Tomatoes

4 – Sweet Cherry 100 Tomatoes

4 – Roma Tomatoes

2 – Yellow Pear Tomatoes

1 – Grape Tomato

1 – Better Boy Tomato

1 – Early Girl Tomato

1 – Purple Cherokee Heirloom Tomato

1 – Old German Heirloom Tomato

8 – Habanero Peppers

8 – Jalapeno Peppers

4 – Cubanelle Peppers

4 – Sweet Banana Peppers

3 – Italian Roasting Peppers

3 – Red Bell Peppers

3 – Yellow Bell Peppers

6 – Red Sails Lettuce

3 – Iceberg Lettuce

3 – Gourmet Head Lettuce

We also planted seeds for Italian Green Beans, Bush Snap Green Beans, Patty Pan Squash & Italian Style Zucchini. I also have seedlings working inside the house for Tabasco Peppers & Ancho Peppers but those got a late start and probably won’t come through.

When all the raking, hoeing, weeding & planting was finally done on Sunday afternoon, we looked around the garden and we were all pleased. The plants all had room to go forth & multiply. They had room to spread & grow. They had room to be bountiful. And in the back of my mind, I was already plotting & planning on how & where to backfill in the places that I didn’t think there was enough. I am going to need all my strength and a good dose of NO to not give in to those urges.

Get ready for the updates. Get ready for pictures. Get ready to live & die my many victories & defeats as I go toe to toe once again with Mother Nature and her many & varied elements meant to destroy my happiness.

That is the view for from Behind The Shades…..swampy is gardening….

Chapter 1 of a longtime work in progress

2010-04-29T14:15:00.002-06:00

There was an electricity in the air that even a jaded New Yorker like myself could feel as I stood there on the corner of 36^thStreet & 7^th Avenue. The passing crowd almost crackled with anticipation. I was just about jumping out of my skin myself. I looked down at my watch for the thousandth time since I had arrived on the corner and the hands were moving both as slowly as a DMV employee on a Friday afternoon and as fast as a sprinter hopped up on steroids. I mean come on, this was Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals we were about to go see and Amy was late. Again.

Amy is my fiancé and is going to be late for her own funeral. It doesn’t matter what time you tell her, she will always be 5 minutes late. Normally I found it to be one of those endearing traits in your soul mate that you overlook but this was Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals for God’s sake. Can’t she be on time just this once ???

As I fidgeted on the corner like I had five too many triple espressos, I finally caught a glimpse of Amy coming down the sidewalk on the other side of 7^th Ave. She hadn’t seen me yet and I could tell that she was happy in her own world. She had a bounce in her step and her honey brown hair shimmered in the early evening lights. As I watched her walk, my heart skipped the extra beat that it did every time I saw her and I forgot about the game for a moment. She finally seemed to sense my presence as she looked over to the corner where we first met and her eyes locked with mine. The smile on her face lit up her eyes like two twinkling stars and she waved to me as she stepped off the corner where she was about to die.

What ? Wait a minute ? Die ? Where did that thought come from ?

And just then I saw the cab shoot out from behind the truck that had stopped for the yellow light rather than gunning through it. The driver was looking into the back seat as the cab lurched forward right at Amy as she stepped out from in front of the truck. I tried to scream but nothing came out. I tried to run but my legs were both stuck and moving at the same time. I began to sink into the pavement as the scene in front of me slowed to a crawl. My hands hit the pavement as I sunk deeper into the street. Amy didn’t seem to notice. She kept waving as she stepped out into the street. I looked down to see why I couldn’t move my legs & arms and found that I now couldn’t lift my head. It was like someone was holding it down. Not letting me lift it to witness the scene I knew was playing out just feet from my helplessness. I heard the engine gun. I heard the crowd scream. I heard the thud. I fell face first to the ground unable to move. A red high heel came to a stop on it’s side just inches from my face. I could hear sirens in the background approaching fast. They sounded like a mockingbird.

A mockingbird ? Since when do ambulances sound like mockingbirds ? Why am I now on my back ? Why can’t I hear the sounds of the city ? Where was Amy ? The mockingbird was getting louder ?

I opened my eyes and saw the bird outside my window. I was drenched in sweat. My legs were hopelessly tangled in my sheets. My throat was dry. My frenzied heart felt like it was about to explode out of my chest. I couldn’t move but I knew it would pass.

Finally, after a minute, I was able to turn my head to the side and see that it was just a little past 5am. I had had the dream again.

Notes From My Week Up In The Air

2010-04-26T09:28:00.001-06:00

(For some reason this didn’t post on Friday – just fixed it now)

This week marks a milestone for me, I think. I have been sitting here on the airplane (what a surprise) thinking (another surprise) and I am pretty sure that this is the first time that I have flown every single day of the work week. By the time I step off the plane on Friday afternoon back in Newark it will have been eight flights through five airports. I will have been in & out of (in order) Newark, Orlando, Houston, Las Vegas, Newark, Houston, Lafayette, Houston and finally back to Newark. I don’t even think the Pilots or Flight Attendants Unions allow their people to fly as much or as often as I have this week. Too much time in the air always gives me too much time to think. As we all know, that is never a good proposition.

Now it could have been worse. Last year I flew so much that I qualified for Platinum Elite status. That means that this year, more often than not, I have been upgraded from Coach to First. This week was no different. Just as I had predicted, at 10am I received my sixth & final upgrade for the week. (Two of my flights are on commuter jets so I couldn’t get the upgrade but I did get the exit row seat) The seats in First are wider & more comfortable, the drinks are free (for those that do imbibe) and they do serve something more than peanuts, a bland mini-muffin or a little football sized sandwich. Just yesterday I was even given a warm white chocolate chip cookie and a glass of milk just before landing. But the fact of the matter is, up front or in the back, flying as much as I have this week stinks.

You know what else stinks ? The size of carry-on luggage and the dude in 1E. Excessive cologne or perfume on a plane is just wrong and inconsiderate. So is not bathing before you get on a plane so I guess in his case it might be a little of both but that is for another discussion at another time when we also discuss the need to keep your shoes on when you are on the plane but now I need to get back to the carry-on conundrum. Spirit Airlines recently announced that they would start to charge for, at an outrageous rate, overhead space on their planes. The rationale behind this thinking was that people would rather pay less to check their bags and that it would help speed up the boarding process thus cutting back on the number of delays caused by people trying to jam everything but the kitchen sink into the overhead. I don’t disagree completely but I do think that there is a simpler solution to this problem and it is already in place. Probably the least utilized piece of equipment in any airport is the carry-on sizing box. There once was a time when airlines actually made people check the size of their carry-on before they were let on the plane. I even remember a few airports having a sizing plate on the x-ray machine so if your bag was too big, it couldn’t get scanned and you had to check it. On my flight from Houston to Las Vegas the other morning I had two self entitled little old people push in front of me with their luggage. They each had two bags that when combined were bigger than they were. When I mentioned it to my gate agent as I checked in, her response was “They are in First.” SO WHAT ! So was I and you didn’t see me taking up a whole overhead compartment. A rule is a rule and should be applied to ALL passengers. When the self entitled little old man proceeded to recline his seat as far as it could go, I made sure to kick it every time I crossed my legs. I am proud to say that for a good 30 minutes I was a poster child for Restless Leg Syndrome and the seat was finally brought up a little . I also made sure that I gave his seat a hip check worthy of any NHL defensemen when I got up to use the bathroom.

I also got to watch a lot of movies & television while I was flying this past week. I got to see The Blind Side, 2012, What About The Morgans, Everybody’s Fine and The Princess & The Frog. The last movie was shown on the morning flight out of Las Vegas which I thought was quite humorous since we had all just spent time in Sin City. With the exception of The Blind Side, all of these movies were greatly improved by the fact that I didn’t listen to any of them. They were nothing more to me than the visual equivalent of white noise. I would go to asleep watching one of them and wake up watching another one. The one flight I had with Direct TV wasn’t much better in that it was a morning flight and Daytime TV is seriously lacking. I did learn that Andrea Mitchell is fine in a short segment but horrible as a one hour host of a rehashed news show and that the hostess of Food Wars on The Travel Channel is even worse. She was so bad that I am going to have to write about her once I remember her name.

So with that promise (or was it a threat) to write more in the near future floating out there up in the air, I will bring this latest cranky missive to an end. Now please return your seats & tray tables back to their upright & locked position. Fasten your seatbelts and get ready to land so we can get off this blog in an orderly fashion and not like cattle at a slaughterhouse.

That’s the view for now from Behind The Shades…..thanks for stopping by….swampy abides

The Best Vacation

2010-04-21T07:42:00.002-06:00

I have had the good fortune during my lifetime to have traveled to quite a few spots across the globe for both business and pleasure. ( Australia & the Far East are still in my sights for the future) I have skied the Alps & the Rockies. I have played in the sun & sand on the French Riviera, the Caribbean, the Pacific and the Jersey Shore. I have hiked in all 4 time zones in the US and across glaciers in Switzerland. I have played golf at some of the great courses in the US. I have explored Cathedrals from top to bottom all across Europe. I even visited the Mouse before he discovered Florida. But never have I had as great a vacation as I had for 10 days this past March with my wife & three children in Maui.

I grew up basically spending my vacations in the mountains. I was either hiking or going to camp during the summer in upstate New York or I was skiing in Vermont or Colorado. Visits to the beach were few & far between for me. And Hawaii ? Well that was where Steve McGarrett wore a cheesy Hawaiian shirt and we all chugged when he said "Book'em Dano. Murder One." I never even thought about flying all the way across the Pacific to wear ugly shirts & munch on pineapple. My wife talked about her trips to Waikiki with her girlfriend and that made me want to go even less. Of course I had also made a promise to my wife when we got married (since it was on the 13th of the month) that any time our anniversary fell on a Friday the 13th that she could either have a party or we could go on a trip. As fate would have it our 5th anniversary fell on Friday 13th so we traded in our frequent flier miles, very reluctantly left our barely 1 year old daughter with our respective Mother's (they agreed to split time) and headed for Maui.

We chose Maui after doing "exhaustive research" on the islands. I called my Dad and asked him where we should go since I refused to go to a city (Honolulu) and I already worked in one every day. He told me to go to Maui and to stay down toward Wailea since he knew that my wife & I preferred quiet to crowds and low key to resort style. We lucked into a deal at a hotel in Makena and it was love at first sight for both of us. We relaxed on the quiet beach. We explored when & where we wanted to away from the crowds. When it was time to leave, we hoped to be able to come back some day with our children. I say "children" because despite the fact we only had one child at the time, we were actively trying for our second.

Five years later with now two children in tow, we headed back to Maui & the same hotel. The hotel was as before, perhaps a little more rundown but the vacation was still great because we were able to watch the joy, wonder & amazement in our daughters' eyes and smiles as we shared with them the same things that had made us fall in love with Maui during our first visit. We all agreed that someday we would again come back but with each passing day that prospect started to fade much like memories do.

Life has a funny way of getting you from Point A to Point B at times. We had a 3rd child. I changed jobs and stopped traveling. We moved just as the housing market began it's downward spiral. The financial world imploded in upon itself. Stress became more & more a major factor in our lives. Vacations became fewer & further between but in the back of mind Maui continued to smolder like Mount Haleakala whenever a Hawaiian reggae song came up on my iPod during my daily 4+ hours of commuting or when the darkness started to close in on me. I just knew we had to get back to Maui, I just didn't know how. Then my job shifted again from a desk based position back to time on the road and the miles started to add up. My children were growing up and my youngest had started to show signs that he would be able to make the flights. I knew it was time so I pulled the trigger. It had taken six years but I was able to get us five first class tickets to Maui with my frequent flier miles. Our old hotel had changed owners and they were looking for new clients (especially families) with packages that couldn't be beat.

So off we went. I can't even begin to put into words the relief I felt the first morning we woke up in Maui after our 11 hours of travel the day before. I could feel the stress flow out of my body like someone had poked a hole in a dike when my wife made me lock my blackberry in our in-room safe. I noticed the colors around me. I heard the waves crashing on the shore & the birds singing in the trees. I felt the breeze that rustled through the palm trees. Most of all I saw the smiles on the faces of my children & my wife and I saw the same love in my wife's eyes that I knew she saw in mine. Much like we had in our 2 previous visits, we played, ate, shopped, explored & experienced at our own pace. We were a family like we had always been and like we had never been. It was exciting. It was rewarding. It was unforgettable but most of all it was magical. The ten days flew by & crawled at the same time. We lost track of time and even missed the clocks springing ahead back on the mainland. It was a real vacation. Even the travel nightmare that befell us on the return flight home couldn't dampen our spirits. So what if it took 24 hours, two different airlines and a ton of unexpected expense to get home. We still had our ten days in Maui to keep us sheltered from reality.

It's been a month since we got back from our trip. I can still taste the fish tacos at Alexander's. I can still hear the Humpback Whales slapping their tails on the water off the beach in Kihei. I can still see the sun setting from the sidewalks of Lahaina. I can still feel the happiness, joy & laughter that enveloped our little family. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about this trip and what it meant to me and what it meant to my family. We are all stronger & happier for it. I don't know if you can really catch lightning in a bottle twice or see the same rainbow more than once but we are going to try again next year. Mahalo Maui.

And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades….swampy abides…

My Trip to The Masters 2008 Re-visited

2010-04-09T06:18:00.002-06:00

I have to admit that I have sat here a while trying to figure out a way to best describe the events of the past few days and truly I am at a loss for words. As a sports fan, there are events that you participate in and there are events that you attend and then there are there are those events that you can only truly really experience….

And then there is The Masters.

Lets get one thing out of the way first before we even begin to get to the rest of the awesomeness that is Augusta. Everyone I have ever spoken to about attending the Masters and every article I have ever read about attending the Masters have all said the same thing. You must have one of the fabled Pimento Cheese Sandwiches. They are spoken of in reverential fashion and they have been granted an almost godlike status. So when we got to the hallowed grounds of the Augusta Country Club, one of the first things we did after hitting the golf shop (more on that later), watching Tiger Woods putt on the practice green (and based on his performance he needed to spend more time here) and touching the fairway grass (well, that was just me but again more on that later) was to go and find a concession stand so that we too could partake of the glorious goodness of the Pimento Cheese Sandwich. I paid my $1.50 and ripped through the opaque green wrapping and took a huge bite…….

Let me now also be the one to tell you that the legendary Pimento Cheese Sandwich is obviously a cruel practical joke perpetuated on an unknowing & gullible golfing public by the green jacket clad members of the Augusta Country Club and all those who have fallen victim in the past. Though I have never tried it myself, I am now convinced that a tub of spackle has the same consistency and probably tastes better than this yellow hued mess that was globbed & spread between two pieces of Wonder Bread. You take that first big bite with relish & gusto and truly expect to see God or at least Bobby Jones. Your tastebuds immediately begin to tell you that this is a mistake of truly epic proportions but your mind rejects this information and tells you that it really can’t be this bad and that surely the next bite will be better but it’s not. In fact, with each ensuing bite it only gets worse but you continue to eat it because all of your life you have heard about how you have to have to experience the glorious goodness of the Pimento Cheese Sandwich at The Masters. As you finally force that final bite into your mouth you begin to realize that not only have you been truly suckered but that you have also just joined a fraternity of countless thousands that have also fallen victim to this cruel & insidious inside joke. As you forcibly swallow that last bite you make a silent vow that somehow, some way, someone will pay for this……

But I digress…….now I have been to more than a few golf tournaments over the years. I have seen the PGA championship, I have been to a regular tour event, I have been to see the women and I have been to see the Senior’s Tour and none of these events can even come close to the (hold on let me put on the mantle of hyperbole given to all sportscasters working for CBS & ESPN) majesty that is Augusta. It is a course and club that is truly built for one reason and one reason only. To put on the best golf tournament of the year. From the minute you set foot on the hallowed grounds you are enveloped in the history and spectacle that are The Masters. You can also catch a whiff of Disney in the proceedings when you pass the Golf Shop with it’s 20+ cash registers and UPS shipping depot right next door. But enough of that, let’s get to real reason a golf fanatic like me is really there. It’s because any other week of the year I have a better chance of finding Osama Bin Laden in an Afghani cave than I do setting foot on the course. Come June 1 this course will be shut & locked down tighter than my daughter’s bedroom door on prom night. So when I got the call from Goose letting me know that a spot had opened in a corporate boondoggle junket and it was mine for the taking, well I just about ran all the way to Georgia. The weekend is still pretty much a blur so I will do my best to remember some of the highlights.

We flew into Columbia, SC and I couldn’t help but notice the big highway sign for Maurice’s BBQ on the road to Augusta. (edit: old reference)

Went to Wild Wings our first night. Apparently just about every hooker in the greater Atlanta area had the same idea. And who can blame them ? It was a target rich environment filled with drunken businessmen with corporate expense accounts. It was such a target rich environment that even wingchicks had their choices. And I am sorry to say but the wings were hardly wild…..

The first thing you notice about Augusta is the grass. You could putt from just about anywhere on the course. The second thing you notice is the hill that you need to climb to get to the Clubhouse, 1st Tee and practice green. The next thing I noticed was Tiger Woods 10 feet in front of me walking to the practice green. The guy is cut like a free safety in the NFL and he has serious game face. He started out putting one handed with tees stuck in the green the length of his putter apart. He hit 20 in a row that way. He should have kept putting that way the rest of the weekend because despite the best efforts of Jim Nantz & CBS, Tiger was NEVER in it. I couldn’t help but watch as all the other players on the green took glances and long looks at Tiger’s ritual & warm up. Trevor Immelman was already out on the course so I don’t think that he was intimidated.

As we walked down the 10th fairway towards “Amen Corner” I got down on my hands & knees and rubbed the grass. It wouldn’t be the last time I would do it over the weekend either. As I began to look around I was surprised at how hilly the course was. One local writer described walking the course as a long trip on a stairmaster. As we came down the 11th fairway the legendary “Amen Corner” came into view and I was brought back to my one time playing Tour 18 in Houston where I was long on my approach to # 11 and wound up in the water at Sawgrass. Not quite the same here. We scored great seats in the front row of the stands and got to watch the approach shots into # 11 – the tee shots on the Par 3 # 12 – and the tee shots on # 13. Just a prime viewing location. We later discovered thanks to achance meeting with 2 Time Masters Champion Ben Crenshaw that the 12th green is built on an old cemetery and the players all believe that the spirits have a lot to do with balls either winding up in Rae’s Creek or somehow miraculously staying up at the lip of the water. Many a tourney has been both won & lost here and Tom Weiskopf will forever be remembered for his 12 on the 12th – which is most likely what I would shoot since the winds are fickle and the putting surface is like warped glass. We waited for Tiger to come through and the masses that follow him before we ventured further.

It’s interesting to note the spectators at the Masters. Everyone is wearing a golf shirt & hat either right from the pro shop or from their various clubs around the country. A great many women are also there and some of them – no a great many of them – obviously had no idea where they were going or what they were doing because they were wearing heels on a golf course. My feet were hurting in my Nikes so I can’t imagine how they were feeling. You could also tell which guys were strictly there for the drinking and partying – though that aspect is much more subdued at Augusta than any other tourney I have ever been to. This is no Phoenix Open. It was fun spotting the women who were there guy watching and which ones were golf groupies. A special tip of the hat goes to the chick in the red cocktail dress on the 9th hole on Friday – no bra, half dollar sized erect nipples and a tiny red thong that kept getting exposed for all to see whenever a gust of wind came up. More than one player smiled back at her as they walked off the 8th green and then again off the 9th tee – 2 shows for the price of 1…..but I digress……

On both Thursday & Friday I wound up watching the action around the 16th hole because from the hillside to the left of the hole you could see the 15th green and the 6th green not to mention the turtles climbing on the banks on the 16th green. This was also the hole that Ian Poulter aced on Thursday and birdied on Friday to put himself in 3rd place going into the weekend. It should also be noted that after I spotted the 4 young women making a late night beeline to Ian at the hospitality house party on Friday that it was no surprise at all that Ian faded from the top of the leaderboard on Saturday. Again I want to praise the Augusta fans for the tradition of setting out your chair at a hole and being able to come back hours later to find the chair & your bag still there and untouched. Everyone is watching out for everyone else and I really believe that some people are just so in awe of the place and actually being there that they forget to be dirtbags and steal stuff.

As we left the course on Friday night I once again got down on my hands and knees and rubbed the grass on the 7th & 1st fairways and stood at yard maker 119 yards out and thought to myself, “I could miss that shot”…..I don’t know if I will ever get back to Augusta and to play the course would be an 18 hole wet dream but I felt a connection & spirituality to the place that was like no other. I have played many of golf’s great courses and walked several more but it is quite clear to me that there is only one Augusta Country Club and there is only one Masters. Congratulations to Trevor Immelman. You held on and mastered the monster for your own green jacket. Tiger may have come in 2nd but he was a pussycat compared to the South African this week……

And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades….swampy abides…

Monday Musings with a Drunken Monkey

2010-03-30T06:43:00.001-06:00

It has been said that if you gave a room full of monkeys a bunch of typewriters, they would eventually write the whole works of Shakespeare. I gave a monkey a bottle of tequila and my blackberry this weekend. Let’s see how he did.

I wonder how much of a difference Purell would have made in the life of Lady MacBeth ? She seems like a natural spokesperson.

Hey Madison Avenue, I want my 10% when you steal my idea.

Was Hester Prynne actually fashion forward or was Laverne De Fazio just a clueless copycat ?

Leftover thin sliced prime rib, sharp cheddar & Gold's Horseradish Spread pressed in a loaf of fresh ciabbatta bread made for an excellent sunday night dinner. Roasted vegetables leftovers can be blended into a quick soup later today.

Saw a Goth Girl driving a black car with a bumper sticker that said "Yes Wiccan". I think she put a spell on me when I passed her because I hit 3 straight red lights after that.

Got the dirt turned & the topsoil/mulch combo spread in the swampgarden just before the heavy rains came last night. I am taking a less is more approach to my garden this year. Raspberry & blackberry bushes both show early growth, green & buds. I need to add at least one more of each along with more strawberries. The trees I took out last fall should help with the afternoon sun in this section.

I don’t think a Kahuna sized cup of coffee could have helped me this morning.

“Up In Smoke” came on the other morning while I was jogging on the Dreadmill of Doom and all I could think was like “whoa….”.

I hope the Amazon Birthday Fairy remembers to get me that one for my birthday.

The Boston Marathon must be coming up because I have seen the Little Jog Mom out running every morning since we got back from Maui. I am still writing my post about Maui just in case you were interested.

Loved the Richard Alpert episode of LOST. There is a Desmond-centric/slideways episode coming up in 2 weeks.

God invented voicemail for a reason and some people just can’t seem to grasp that concept.

Boondoggle Week seemed like a good idea when it was first planned. Now it just seems like a waste of time. I better grab a good book or two for all of my flights every which way.

James Lee Burke sure made Hackberry Holland a very difficult character to give a rat’s ass about in the first half of “Lay Down My Sword & Shield”. I had to keep reminding myself that this book was written in 1970 and not today. The character did grow on me as he started down the Dave Robicheaux path of redemption. The sequel, “Rain Gods”, just became more interesting to me now that I can see how the character has grown in the almost 40 years since his debut.

Butler, West Virginia, Michigan State & Duke – it does sound more like a pre-season holiday tournament than a Final Four but games leading up to this point have been outstanding to watch.

My New York Rangers however, have been less than outstanding to watch and it pains me to know that they have my playoff money hostage when they clearly are not going to make the playoffs.

Part 2 of a 2 part Castle tonight – too bad I missed Part 1. Hello Hulu !

And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades on this rainy Monday….swampy abides…

Can I Kahuna Size That For You ?

2010-03-25T07:56:00.002-06:00

During our recent trip to Maui, thanks in no small part to the efforts made by my darling swamprat daughters, who have never met a store they couldn’t shop in, we accumulated enough frequent shopper points for me to get a new travel coffee mug for my car. It’s kind of cheesy in a fun sort of way in that it has a 60’s style surfer and an old Woody on it. It’s not just big. It’s Kahuna sized. It holds 50% more than my old Iditarod mug that a friend picked up for me in Walsilla. I guess they were sold out of Sarah Palin mugs. So now I am knocking back even more of my Community Coffee w/ Chicory & Café Bustelo combo on the way to the morning train. I don’t think anyone is going to want to get into my way. It also got me thinking and as we all know, that can be a dangerous thing at times.

If I ever owned a restaurant or a diner, I would have to have something on the menu that had the word “Kahuna” in it. It could be Kahuna Ribs or a Kahuna Burrito or a Kahuna Burger or even some Kahuna Pie which would have to be a slice about 8 inches high and at least a quarter of the whole pie. I could have the servers asking patrons if they wanted to “Kahuna size” their purple molokai sweet potato fries. I could also have a “Kahuna Khallenge” and invite Adam Richman from “Man vs Food” come in to take the Kahuna Khallenge and make me a cult favorite with foodies & gluttons everywhere. I can just see it now – “Swampy’s Big Kahuna – home of the Kahuna Khallenge”.

Now Kahuna would also be a great word to be used in a coffee shop. No more of that pretentious Venti or Grande crap. The largest cup you could get would be a Kahuna. I can just hear it now. “Dude, gimme a triple skinny no foam soy Kahuna frappuccino.” I would throw them right out of the shop. Nobody needs to use that many words to ever order a cup of coffee. Triple & Kahuna would be the only extra words allowed to be said. I would even hire HUGE EMPLOYEE and dress him up like a GIANT TIKI and have him stand by the cash register so he could enforce the rule. Kahuna Kona Koffee Ko. would rule the koffee world and Starcrooks could kiss my Kahuna sized butt !!!

Okay, I think maybe someone has had a few too many kahuna sized schooners of koffee this so I am going to have to say that this the view for now from Behind The Shades…..swampy abides…

A Fox Named George

2010-03-23T07:36:00.005-06:00

I awoke on Sunday to an absolutely beautiful spring day for the northeast. The sky was blue and the air was warm. I knew that after the warmth & rain of the last two weeks that the ground that had never really frozen hard this winter would start to be soft & pliable. I knew it was going to be a great day to start working on the 2010 version of my vegetable garden.

I have a large garden out back at the edge of my yard back by the brook. I have outsized expectations every year for my farming prowess but that discussion is for another time. Be that as it may, I was out in the garden turning the dirt by hand with my four pronged Hound Dog T-Square Garden Cultivator while listening to silence all around me. It was filled with the birds chirping, the brook babbling and the occasional Sunday driver cruising our dead end street. I could feel the breeze that was lightly moving the branches in the trees above me causing them to make a slight clicking sound. I could sense more than hear the occasional jet passing by overhead on it’s approach into the New York area. Suddenly the afternoon exploded with the sounds of our neighbor’s two dogs barking & yapping as loudly and as much as I had ever heard them. My first inclination was that they had seen a wayward squirrel or that perhaps a deer had wandered onto their side of the brook but the barking became louder & more persistent. I began to wonder if perhaps they had something cornered. The smaller of the two dogs seemed to be especially agitated. His yapping was reaching an unprecedented crescendo.

It was at that moment that a fox with a fantastic golden red coat and thick white tipped tail slipped out of the bushes on the far side of the clearing down by the brook. I knew this particular fox as I had seen him many times before as I gazed out my kitchen window with my coffee mug in hand. I called him George. He had what looked like a small rabbit in his mouth. George stopped just as he emerged from the brush and he looked at me. Then he looked back at the distant sound of the still barking dogs and then he looked back at me again. I hadn’t moved. Our eyes met for just a second before he darted across the clearing and disappeared into the tangle of overgrown brush. A minute later I caught a quick glance of George through the trees. He was on the other side of the brook and he was briskly heading for the field on the far side of the woods. The barking finally slowed and then stopped. I went back to turning the dirt and listening to the silence with a bemused smile as I thought of how George had once again given his pursuers the slip.

So I chose my fox tie today as a subliminal tip of the hat to George.

That’s the view for now from Behind The Shades….swampy abides…

Returning to a Simpler Time

2010-03-08T09:24:00.002-07:00

My father & I were sitting around his kitchen table the other day discussing a little bit of this & a little bit of that and really nothing of any great importance. Just the kind of talk I like having with my Dad when I haven’t seen him in a while. We laughed. We joked. We remembered. My 4 ½ year old son sat there between us plowing through his red pepper slices & his bag of apple slices with a touch of lemon so they wouldn’t brown. His eyes shifted back & forth between us as he watched & listened. I hope that some day I have those same kinds of talks with him.

While we were talking, the subject of the local college basketball team came up. They were better this year than they had been in some time and while they obviously aren’t going to make the “Big Dance” there is an outside shot that they might get an invite to the NIT. They won the NIT in 1975 back when it still mattered and wasn’t the also ran hoopfest that it is today. We remembered how we had been on vacation on a tropical island at the time and that it took a couple of days to get a score for a game. Al Gore had inspired “Love Story” by then but he hadn’t yet invented the internet. Getting world or local news wasn’t as easy as a point & a click. I truly think that the waiting & the anticipation made both the victories sweeter & the defeats more painful. In some ways, you just didn’t want to know and you just didn’t need to know right then. The world wasn’t going to end or even be somewhat more dramatically different if it took a little longer to find something out.

I mention all this because I am headed out on a vacation with my own family to a tropical island. Only it’s not 1975 anymore, it’s 2010 and with that comes all of the gadgetry and need to know now technology of our modern day world. I am truly excited that I am actually going to get to watch LOST via satellite on the plane as I fly over the Pacific. (I checked, my flight number is not 815 or 316 – bummer) However when I get to our final destination I have decided (with the help of – okay threat from – my wife) to return to that simpler time. My blackberry is going into the safe in our room. It’s not going to be turned on. Work will survive without me. There are plenty of people back in the office who are completely capable of handling my job for the 9 days that I am gone. The world will not come to an end.

Tomorrow I am getting on a plane with my wife & 3 kids. I’ll check back in when I get back. I am sure we will have some stories to share about a little bit of this & a little bit of that and really nothing of great importance but they can wait. The stories may not get any better with age but you will still be able to drink them in.

And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades…swampy abides...aloha

A Conversation About What I'm Not Sure

2010-03-01T12:07:00.001-07:00

I live in a fairly small town out in the country and like most small towns, we seem to have our share of local flavor mixed in. That’s not to say that big cities don’t have their own brand of eccentrics but they aren’t quite as endearing as the small town types. In fact, some of them are downright scary. I should know, I work in New York. But that is neither here nor there because there is nothing scary about this particular local character. The only thing he has ever been known to kill is the few free minutes you may have had as you raced about trying to get your errands done.

Now I had just come out of the drugstore with my Sunday copies of the NY Daily News & NY Post. I’ll buy them but I won’t have them delivered. Have to keep up appearances for the neighbors you know. When suddenly I heard someone call my name. I am generally not rude enough to pretend that I didn’t hear a person call my name so even though I definitely recognized the voice, I turned to say hello and there he was. Let’s just call him Peter.

“Hey Peter. How are you ? I haven’t seen you in a while.” I said with a smile that did not befit the thought in my mind that I was now going to be stuck for the next 10-20 minutes.

“I’m fine Mr. Nomo. I’m fine. You know I saw you at Shop-Rite a while back with one of your daughters but I didn’t say hello.” He said earnestly.

“You no doubt did. I am there a bit too much. You should have said hi.” I replied.

“Now Nomo, that’s an Irish name, isn’t it ?” he asked as though we hadn’t changed topics.

“No, it’s actually Welsh.” I began to wonder where this was going and how long it was going to take to get there.

“Ah, Welsh. Well you still have some Celt in you. You know I’m Irish but the spelling of my last name is English because when my ancestors came over it was better to be English than Irish so we added a W.” He began to ramble.

“I see.”

“So I’m still Irish though you would think I was English.” He smiled.

“I’m a little bit of everything myself Peter except for Italian. I let my wife handle that part for the kids.” I knew I had said too much but somehow it came out anyway.

“But you still have some Irish in you.” He beamed. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I have maybe enough Irish in me to spit. “You know I got up shaved, showered, made my coffee and got out the door today in 45 minutes.”

“Sounds like me getting ready for the train each morning.”

He ignored my reply and continued on. “Have you ever had Bailey’s Irish Cream ? I would think a Celt like you would have had it before.”

“Yes I have Peter but not in the 20 odd years since I quit drinking.” I was starting to begin to try and piece our conversation together and I think I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I saw a couple of people come out of the drugstore, take 2 steps in our direction and then veer off across the parking lot in a circuitous manner back to their cars.

“Oh it’s really good. They now make an Irish Cream International Flavor Coffeemate that is almost as good as the real thing. I always buy it. I have some in my coffee mug in the truck right now.” He smiled again.

“Really. I haven’t tried it.” I replied.

“Well you really should. Like I said, it’s really good. They sell it in Shop-Rite all the way in the back by the milk.” He informed me.

“I’ll have to look for it. Thanks Peter.”

“No problem Mr. Nomo. You have a nice day. I’m kind of in a hurry. See you.” He said and with that, he was off walking across the parking lot back to his truck and I was left to wonder how seeing me set us off on the trip from Shop-Rite to names to Ireland to Coffee to Bailey’s to Coffeemate and back to Shop-Rite.

I have to admit that later that day when I was in Shop-Rite, I went looking for the Irish Cream Coffeemate all the way in the back by the milk but they were sold out. I guess Peter bought the last one.

And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades….swampy abides…

Looking For Inspiration In All The Wrong Places

2010-02-23T10:33:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago I declared to the handful of readers that I may or may not have that I was back and that the blogs would gush forth like before. Then I wrote nothing for a couple of weeks. What I did finally post was a hackneyed effort at what once was at best. I knew I wasn't the same writer that I had been before and to be honest I wasn't sure if that was who I wanted to be again anyway. What I needed was some inspiration and I set out to find some.

I first turned to the not so friendly skies above us but I have railed against the airlines before and the jokes about flying, while they continue to write themselves (too fat, too stinky), are really just the same leftover jokes and let's face it, leftovers are only good the next day.

I thought about voodoo but when I checked my calendar, it looked like I won't be heading for Nawlins until late April or early May at the earliest. While you probably wouldn't miss the blogs, I really don't want to wait that long to start writing again.

I thought about blaming George W. Bush but I used that joke unsuccessfully in my last blog and if it wasn't funny the first time, it's probably not going to be funny a second time. It's getting overused down in Washington anyway.

Then I thought about going to church and praying for inspiration but that really did seem to me like an awful waste of God's time. It's not like he's not busy with other things. Besides, I every time I walk into my church they expect me to hand them a check. Of course I only really go about once a year anyway so the ratio of visits to checks really isn't that far off of 1 to 1 so I guess expecting a check when I walk in the door shouldn’t be considered crass but I do consider it to be so anyway.

But being in a religious frame of mind in that moment, I remembered that the Gods of Football had once answered my prayers in their own way by stomping a mudhole in me & my team so I figured that perhaps I should try contacting the Gods of Blogging. Surely this august group of coffee swilling slackers with poor eyesight from staring at their laptop monitors would be able to help me find inspiration.

Now I wanted to make sure that I got their attention in a crowd of other writers with nothing to write about so I grabbed a D List Celebrity from my Twitter Follow List and pitched them into the nearest lava spewing volcano. There was a poof (or was it a wisp ?) of smoke and standing before in all his toga clad glory was one of the Gods of Blogging.

“Dude, you rang ?” he said with obvious annoyance.

“Yes I did. I need some inspiration. I don’t know what to write about.” I replied.

“Write about what you know.” He said in a tone of voice that told me that wasn’t the first time he had used those words.

“But I know nothing.” I lamely responded.

“Exactly and you know a lot of it too !” he said and with a poof (or was it a wisp) of smoke he was gone.

“But…..” I stammered as I quickly grabbed another D List celebrity from my Twitter Follow List and tossed them into the lava spewing volcano in hopes of bringing him back. Alas, the second D Lister went for naught and none of the Gods of Blogging reappeared in my room.

So there we have it, even the Gods of Blogging had nothing to offer me other than to continue on my literary quest to write something out of nothing or was it to write nothing about something or was it to write nothing about nothing because I know I can’t write something about something because that just sounds too much like homework and I never really did a whole hell of a lot of that way back when. Guess we will just have to see what kind of nothing I write about.

And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades…..swampy abides

Let's Spin The Wheel & See Where We Land

2010-02-19T15:21:00.001-07:00

In Hollywood they would be saying "Swampy Blog ! Take 2 ! Action !" because Take 1 wound up somewhere in the ether when I tried to copy & paste before saving. Like most sequels, this one most likely will not measure up to the original but let's give it a try anyway.

I just got back from another business trip and not only did I bring home the bacon but I also brought home a cold. Thanks Florida - you suck. I will however buck a current trend and blame Anita Bryant for my cold instead of George W. Bush.

I follow quite a few writers on twitter who make even 140 characters look easy & great. It's almost enough to make a hack like me long for the days of MySpace where nobody cared about grammar, spelling, punctuation or content. Almost. It has made me somewhat re-think my great airport book store novel that has yet to be finished. Let's be serious here, yet to be started.
Speaking of excellence (and certainly not my own) major tips of the cap are due to Shaun White, Lindsay Vonn & Shani Davis for delivering the Gold up in Vancouver. I suppose I should also say congrats to Evan Lysacek for stealing the gold from Plushenko. He skated one hell of a program. I am loathe to admit it but if you have seen as much figure skating as I have in my lifetime, you too could tell what jumps they are doing or falling out of when they skate.

We may be the only house in town that still has a tree in their yard lit up with Christmas lights. My lovely wife & rottem kids like it so it stays plugged in. I will admit that it does look kind of cool out their all alone in the absolute darkness of night. I think one of my resident foxes thinks so too because I saw him sitting & looking at the tree the other night though I have a feeling he was probably more interested in the birds inside the tree.

Speaking of flying, last week it was too fat to fly and this week is was too smelly to fly. I will be more than happy to help out the flight crews when they need to start figuring out who is too stupid to fly.

And while we are talking about airlines, the baggage fees are wreaking havoc inside the planes as people try to bring bigger & bigger suitcases onto the plane. My last flight saw an old woman board the plane with a bag as big as an armoire and I think her husband had the kitchen sink in his bag. I realize that being a TSA agent is a thankless job but how in God's name did these people get those bags through the screening process anyway ?

Who Dat won the SuperDuperbowl ? Who Dat predicted the Saints would win back in September ? Who Dat strained his shoulder patting himself on the back ?

How happy do you think Harry Reid really is that a president with a 3 election losing streak is coming to campaign for him ?

They sell Get Well cards. Do they sell Get Even cards too ?

The last block leading up to my office is all downhill which is quite apropos if you ask me.

And speaking of downhill, that's the direction this blog has been taking since it got deleted the first time. So that's the view for now from Behind The Shades...swampy abides

Friday Blog = Fail

2010-02-19T12:14:00.003-07:00

I just wrote my first Friday blog in I don't know how long and Blogspot lost it. That's what I get for trying to type it straight in to save some time.

Maybe I can try again later but I am sure my train of thoughts won't be on the same track.

swampy is not abiding.....

The SuperDuperBowl Menu Review

2010-02-09T05:42:00.001-07:00

The city of New Orleans and the whole state of Louisiana got a 74 yard head start on Mardi Gras last night when Tracy Porter stepped in front of Reggie Wayne, made off with a Peyton Manning pass and sprinted for the end zone. It was moment that will live in infamy and will be talked about for years. I wish I could say the same about my SuperDuperBowl Menu. It was good but it wasn't 43 years worth of frustration good. So let's see what I made.

1. Cubano Potato Skins - I shredded some pork & some ham (rather than thin slices), mixed in some mustard & relish (to take the place of the pickles) and topped with swiss cheese. A definite keeper for future Miami SuperDuperBowls.

2. Pulled Pork Paninis - I was in the Louisville airport the other day and saw a bottle of Wild Turkey BBQ Sauce staring at me from the shelf in the overpriced souvenir store. By the time I got to my gate it was safely ensconced in my carryon bag somewhere between my dirty shorts & socks. I pulled it out yesterday and mixed it with some shredded boneless pork ribs, sautéed vidalia onion & monterey jack cheese. Slapped it inside a mini portuguese roll and pressed them so they looked like little footballs. Nice understated taste that the kids loved. I kind of wish the Wild Turkey BBQ had a little more OOMPH to it.

3. Crawfish Cornbread (aka Crayfish Cornbread here at allrecipes.com) - I have made this once before and probably should have looked for my review or notes from that last time before I made this again. The recipe does call for a box of instant corn muffin mix so I used my Basic Corn muffins recipe from here instead. While the color is interesting, the taste is a touch flat. It could use some heat but I was reluctant to add any because of the kids. I could definitely see this somewhat polenta like cornbread serving as the base upon which a rich creole tomato based type of sauce is poured over. I still liked it and it was at it's best when it first popped out of the oven.

4. Orange Honey Chicken Wings - I have been making these for so long I can do them in my sleep. The secret ingredient is a healthy splash of Uncle Dougie's Chicken Wing Marinade. Not sure what I will do when my supply finally runs out but I am sure I will come up with something. The other ingredients include oj, honey, key lime juice & mustard. Low & slow heat makes the meat just fall off the bone.

5. Hot Asparagus Crab Dip - My lovely wife always requests one dip and every year I make something different. This year asparagus was on sale when I waltzed thru ShopRite so this year asparagus got it's turn as the main ingredient. Throw in some red pepper, red onion, lime juice, sour cream, plain yogurt, crab and a Key West seasoning blend I found a few years back and we were good to go. I threw it in the oven at the same time as the wings and it came out hot, condensed & very dippable. I probably will not see any of the leftovers on this one.

6. Cheddar Bacon Deviled Eggs - The name pretty much says it all. Why make regular deviled eggs when you can jazz them up. Again it is another recipe that actually would improve with the addition of some Chipotle Tabasco but I left it out to appease the kids.

7. Yellow Split Pea & Apple Dal with Coconut Tarka - one too may flight delays led to my reading about various pea & bean dishes in the NY Times one trip and a recipe that called for Mung Beans, Apples & Coconut Milk just jumped out at me. Now I couldn't tell you what a Mung Bean looked like if it was in front of me & labeled. On top of that, no store around me has any exotic or even different dried beans so I decided to take a slightly different direction and go for orange split peas. Well no luck on finding those either so I had resigned myself to trying with lentils though I wasn't really thrilled with that option. as it turned out, I had to make one last stop at the store for a few forgotten items and came across a lonely pack of yellow peas which soon made friends with the rest of the forgotten items in my basket. While the peas, apples & coconut milk simmered away, I made a "Tarka" of butter, ginger, scallions, lime juice, shredded coconut & turmeric. The recipe called for mint leaves (unnoticed & forgotten at the store) so I went for a dash of mint extract. The result was a very different sort of dish for my family that was liked but technically not SuperDuperBowl food. It is getting a second chance by being served over rice with the grilled chicken for dinner tonight.

8. Alligator Chili - The latest addition to the allrecipes.com family (I now have 12 recipes to my name) is a SuperDuperBowl favorite. I used yellow & red peppers and some smoked paprika in addition to the recipe on the site and once again I am going to modestly say, I smacked that sucker out of the park. If I didn't tell you it was gator, you would never know and I guarantee that you will be asking for seconds. Gator Chili will be my dinner tonight.

9. and finally, we topped it all off with a trio of mini-sundaes. I took mini-phyllo dough cups and baked them. then I scooped melon ball sized scoops of vanilla/chocolate, cookies & cream and mint chocolate chip into each cup. Drizzled Top Hat hot fudge over the trio and then topped it with whipped cream & multi colored jimmies. It looked like mardi gras in a bowl.

So that was this year's offerings for the SuperDuperBowl. I appreciate all the ideas that were floated to me on previous blogs & websites and some of those ideas will see the light of the day or the light inside my oven in the weeks to come. I am just glad that my wife was happy and that the kids ate it all too. Most of all I am THRILLED that the Saints won the SuperDuperBowl.

That's what's cooking Behind The Shades until next time when maybe we should discuss kitchen disasters. Lord knows I have had a few of those...

Originally posted at http://allrecipes.com/Cook/107227/BlogEntry.aspx?postid=156129

What's Cooking Behind The Shades - what to cook for Indy

2010-01-26T14:51:00.001-07:00

Good morning - As we all know the New Orleans Saints are going to be playing against the Indianapolis Colts in the SuperDuperBowl down in Miami on Sunday February 7. Now picking out different apps or dishes to make to represent New Orleans & Miami is like shooting fish in a barrel. It's coming up with something to represent Indianapolis or the great state of Indiana that has me bamboozled & perplexed. So far the only Indiana things I can think of are Corn, Milk, the Indy 500, Breaking Away, Hoosiers, Notre Dame & the Touchdown Jesus. Not exactly an "In the know" type of list, is it ?

So here is what I need from you - HELP !!!! If you have a recipe idea, I would love to hear it. If you have a theme or an inspiration I can steal & follow, bring it on. Thanks and there will be pictures & prizes on game day.

That's what's cooking behind the shades for now - 12 more days until kickoff

http://allrecipes.com/Cook/107227/BlogEntry.aspx?postid=152992

When 140 Characters Just Isn't Enough

2010-01-25T12:15:00.001-07:00

There once was time in my life when I actually wrote a lot and it wasn’t in college despite the fact I was an English major. At least I was an English major the last time I flunked out of college. I think. Parts of the 1980’s can be a bit hazy at times but that is neither here nor there and most likely is a potential topic for another blog at another time. (It’s deja vu all over again but now I am getting way off track).

Anyway, as I was saying. I used to write a lot over at the ghetto of social networking more commonly known as MySpace. You could count on my posting at least two to three blogs a week there about football, travel, food, LOST or my real specialty - everything you could ever want to know about nothing in particular. Those were my favorite blogs to write because I tend to look at the world differently than most of the folks I know, yet in a way in which most people can relate if they twist their minds right. Certainly not unlike the way that I write 140 characters at a time on Twitter and that may be in & of itself the whole problem here.

Ever since I joined Twitter and really started tweeting last summer, I have quit writing blogs. Not entirely quit but certainly not written them with the same frequency as before. (I will pat myself on the back and point out that I did pick the New Orleans Saints to win the SuperDuperBowl last September and I did name all 34 winners in my College Bowl preview but everything thing else I have written in the past six to 9 months has been nothing more than a rehashing of stuff I had written before. Not exactly awe inspiring from either side of the page and not exactly satisfying for me.) I found that I got lazy thanks to Twitter and when a thought popped into my head, I would just spin it out in 140 characters and move on without a second thought. But it’s those second & third thoughts that I have now found that I miss the most. I have come back to the realization that sometimes 140 characters just isn’t enough. That sometimes even 140 words can’t be enough. (Don’t worry, I am nowhere near the possibility of 140 pages – that’s for my dead in the water for the past 20 years novel idea). That I really need to come back to blogging. Consider this your fair warning. Your “shot across the bow” so to speak. Swampy is back.

And that is view for now from Behind The Shades…

Revisiting Season 5 of LOST - one blog at a time

2010-01-11T12:48:00.001-07:00

Three weeks until Season 6 of LOST begins – Three weeks until the Final season of LOST begins – Three weeks until questions begin to get answered or so we think. Last year, as I have done every year, I wrote my own blogs before reading everyone else’s more excellent blogs about what we had just seen & how I saw it. Hindsight is almost always 20/20 or better and as I have started rewatching season 5, I thought I would go back and take a look at what I was thinking at that time too. I am not horribly wrong a lot of the time and not entirely right either. I am just a fan who doesn’t read spoilers, doesn’t play the off season games and doesn’t look for anything that is not actually shown to us on the screen. With that being said, here is my blog covering the 2 episode Season 5 premier from last year. have fun telling me how stupid I am….

Thanks to a heavy dose of real life in my real life I never quite got around to writing down the LOST blog for the season opening 2 hours that I had banging around in my head and now with episode 3 bearing down on us, I thought I should get a few quick thoughts down for us to all ponder…

PREVIOUSLY ON LOST… - easily the best 3 words spoken on TV…

I had that clock back in middle school – yes, I’m old…

Skipping record – symbolism & foreshadowing all wrapped up in one – of course it is always easier to see after the fact…

OSAMA BIN JACK – pill addiction has not been kind to Jack – I still wish he had jumped off the bridge…when last we saw Jack he was looking at the dead body of John Locke and Benjamin Linus had appeared on the scene. Now it’s Jack’s job to try and get the gang together and put on a show in the old barn, oops – I mean, and get them ALL (including a dead Locke) to return to the island. Good luck with that - Kate hates him almost as much as I do & Hurley is at Shady Acres and doesn’t trust Jack. Even when Jack cleans himself up, he looks like hell. If I worked at a hospital, I would never let him anywhere near a medicine cabinet, so I am stunned that no one tried to stop him when he brought in the dead Pakistani on the couch. I am glad that Jack has been shown to be wrong and I will kill the writers & producers if they have Jack be the hero in the end…

KATE – she will never go back to the island – especially after Claire came to her in a dream (which may have been reality but on this show, who knows ?) - so when the lawyers show up at the door demanding a blood sample from Claire’s kid, we all know she is going run, it’s what she knows – we don’t see a lot of Kate but we do see her go to meet Sun for the first time since they left the island – Sun doesn’t blame her for saying she would go to get Jin on the freighter but not being able to do it but does she ? The accompanying flashback could be viewed that way but you can also see Jack pulling Kate back to the chopper. Could Sun be blaming Jack ? Wasn’t I talking about Kate ? Who is the mystery client that wants the blood sample ? The obvious choice is Ben so he can make Kate realize that the island is the only place she has left to run so that means it will be someone else though I don’t think it was Sun…

When did 323 become a Southern California area code for mobile #’s ? I didn’t think it was back in 2007…

SUN – she has a second conversation with Widmore only this time it is in a locked room in Heathrow Airport where she very succinctly says that she wants to kill Ben. She also talks to Kate as we mentioned before. The one thing I noticed was that Sun looked really thin & harder when her hair was up but then I would probably be that way too if I saw my husband blow up (or did he?) and had to raise a newborn child all while lying to the world and plotting revenge against Ben & her father – though I keep hoping that she will also blame Jack…

HURLEY – hasn’t Hurley always been the voice of the viewer and the key to our understanding ? Will we ever find out what his numbers really mean ? Were we ever clear on why the button needed to be pushed every 108 minutes ? Would you have even a semi-normal chance at life if Cheech were your dad ? Is it any surprise that he can see & talk to dead people ? He told Sayid that if Sayid would ever need him in the future he wouldn’t be there yet there he is driving him around and then letting him be taken to Osama Bin Jack. And how about that look in his eyes as he was handcuffed by the police as a way to escape from Ben…oh yeah, Libby says hi…(second best three words on TV)

Neil was wearing a red shirt – any surprise when he becomes expendable ?

SAYID – when last we saw him, we thought he was working for Ben but based on his comments to Hurley about not trusting Ben, he may be regretting that decision. Loved it during the fight scene that he fought through a coma inducing tranquilizer dart, smacked the bad guy with the convenient frying pan in the kitchen and then killed him with a dishwasher. Yet another reason to hate washing dishes in my book. Osama Bin Jack does bring him back to life at the end of the show with a drug cocktail that he probably brews up at home everyday anyway. I really hoped that he would choke Jack to death when he came to but no such luck. I think it will have to be Sayid that somehow saves Hurley from the cops but we shall see.

Does Lapidus have to go back to the island too ? If Desmond goes back, does Penny have to go too ? If Penny does come with Desmond does that throw off the island’s feng shui so it skips to a Barry Manilow song ? With the island jumping back & forth in time, will Nikki & Paulo make a cameo reappearance ?

SAWYER & JULIET - LOVED the first hour where Sawyer’s biggest concern, other than when & where the hell they were, was finding a shirt. He assumes the leadership role well. He interacts well with Daniel, spars well with Miles and seems to have already bonded with Juliet…and Juliet has taken a somewhat secondary role for right now but as they skip through time, I can’t see how her knowledge of the island & the Dharma stations doesn’t help them.

How did I not say “WEDDING RINGS !!!” as soon as I mentioned Desmond & Penny ? Well I did when I was watching it but not when I was typing it.

Who is the lady in the butcher shop ? When did she make it off the island ? Why did she make it off the island ? How did she make it off the island ? Haven’t we seen her before ?

BEN – so he isn’t in charge ? Is the lady from the antique shop really Mrs. Jacob ? Why is she wearing Dumbledore’s robe ? Is Ben losing his touch ? He wasn’t able to talk Hurley into joining him and he even had trouble with Jack. Even butcher lady didn’t seem to have full loyalty to him. We knew his power base was crumbling back on the island but did it also translate to off the island as well ? He certainly seemed like a lackey at the end as he reported his loss of Hurley to the cops and as he begged for more than 70 hours. I don’t expect Ben to be down long. He has a way of slithering back to the top and once he gets to the island, things will be different.

Richard isn’t any different but then again, Richard has never been any different. I am still convinced that he one of the crew of the Black Rock. His knowledge of the island is too great.

DANIEL – He is first seen in the opening bumping into the video doctor (name escapes me at breakfast) down in the Orchid right after the accidental discovery of the Wheel by the construction workers. He is definitely present day Daniel (and he is the only Dharma worker with a beard) and he gazes upon the holes in the bedrock with some knowledge as to what must be done. This scene will be repeated in a future episode. Daniel is easily the most important character next to DESMOND at this point in the story. He is the only one (besides Richard) that understands what is going on right now on the island and the only one that can do something about it. If you remember from the most excellent Season 4 episode, THE CONSTANT, Daniel wrote at the end that Desmond would be his “constant” in his notebook and he remembered that before he went and knocked on the hatch door. We never did hear his mother’s name back at Oxford but we can’t help but think that it is the antiques lady. (mmm – that Red Herring was tasty)

And then there is LOCKE - He finds himself alone in the jungle. He witnesses Eko’s brother’s plane crash. He gets shot by Ethan. He is given the compass that points North and that will be Richard’s “constant” once they meet again and he saves Sawyer & Juliet from the former Dharma guards in a very Others like manner as he strides from the jungle. Richard told him that in order to save the island, he will have to die. As we saw at the end of last year and the beginning of this year, Locke will make the ultimate sacrifice for the Island.

So where does that leave us ? It leaves us with a ton of questions and me with no time to answer them until I get delayed at the airport later today as I try to fly home into a snow & ice storm. So talk amongst yourselves. Answer each other’s questions and tell me what I missed.

Quietly hoping I don’t have to land in the Bay of Bayonne…swampy abides…

and that is the view for now From Behind The Shades……

What's Cooking Behind The Shades - Planning the SuperDuperBowl Menu

2010-01-04T13:36:00.001-07:00

The NFL Regular Season came to end last night when the Cincinnati Bengals rather than showing up in the freezing cold for a meaningless game decided to take the night off to go see the tree in Rockefeller Center & to see who survived the plane crash on Desperate Housewives. That's all well & good but what does that have to do with cooking or food you may ask. Well that's certainly a good question and I am just the man to answer it for you.

Super Bowl Sunday or as I prefer to refer to the spectacle, SuperDuperBowl Sunday, is virtually an unofficial national holiday. Friends & Family gather in front of large screen TV's with piles of food in front of them or on the buffet by the kitchen while they watch the game, the commercials and the myriad of illegal 100 square pools & various other sundry side bets they have going. The game itself is invariably remembered more often for the commercials & food than it is for the final score so it has been my goal ever since I learned how to cook for myself (thanks Mom) to have a more than impressive spread available during the viewing of the game.

Now when it comes to planning the menu, I begin as soon as the SuperDuperBowl is over. What worked ? What didn't ? What did I hear about in the days after the game that other people had that I want to have ? What have I tried t other parties or restaurants that could be fun to twist ? What city is hosting the SuperDuperBowl ? And of course, which two teams are playing in the big game because we need to make sure that we have some regional representation in the cuisine. So let's look at this year's teams and let's see where we might be headed since I need to start planning NOW !!!

NFC Teams

New Orleans Saints - crawfish pies, alligator chili - 2 dishes that have made the menu in the past - we could see some beignets this year too

Minnesota Vikings - hmmmm - deep fried walleye cubes ? deep fried snickers ? Lutefisk ? (I hope the vikings lose)

Dallas Cowboys - something tex-mex or maybe bbq, perhaps the Texas Crabgrass will reappear on the menu

Arizona Cardinals - Phoenix.....ummmmm......I'll get back to you on this one

Green Bay Packers - Cheese, cheese dip, port wine cheese & crackers, a stilton perchance ?

Philadelphia Eagles - no cheesesteaks, no cream cheese, going to have to think on this one

AFC Teams

Indianapolis Colts - ummmmm - I know they celebrate with Milk at the Indy 500

San Diego Chargers - some hawaiian fusion, seafood, maybe a mexican influence while keeping it light or perhaps a zoo platter of exotic meats

New England Patriots - clam chowder ? a lobster roll ? baked beans ?

Cincinnati Bengals - they tell me that chili is big in Cincy so maybe I tie in my gator chili if they play the Saints

New York J-E-T-S jetsjetsjets - bagels with a schmeer ? hot pastrami sliders ? dirty water dogs ? street meat ?

Baltimore Ravens - Crab cakes or crab dip - could tie in with the Texas Crabgrass though I would shoot myself if I had to sit through Baltimore & Dallas in the SuperDuperBowl.

And of course, since the game is in Miami this year, we need to do something with a cuban influence to it.

I have also already decided that I have to try and recreate the Tennessee Tailpipes from Fat Annie's Truck Stop in NYC and I will obviously make my honey orange chicken wings too along with a tray or two of corn muffins and mini sundaes in phyllo dough cups (a MUST according to the swamprats). Those are givens.

So that's What's Cooking Behind The Shades for now. Please help me fill in my culinary blanks and give me some other suggestions too. I am open to try just about anything.....once.

34 Bowl Games - 34 Winners - Swampy's College Bowl Game Preview

2009-12-18T13:32:00.002-07:00

It's that glorious time of year again where just about anyone with a stadium & a sponsor can host their own college bowl game. It wasn't always this way and once upon that time the bowl games actually meant something. Then cable television was born and so too were a countless number of craptastic games looking for any kind of an audience. This year there are actually 34 bowl games and it all kicks off on December 19th with the New Mexico Bowl and it all ends on January 7th when Alabama takes on Texas in the BCS National Championship game. Now I will admit that 34 games can be quite daunting for the non-football fan but that is why I am here to help. So without further ado, let's get to the plethora of pigskin that awaits us.

12/19 - New Mexico Bowl - Wyoming vs Fresno St.

One of Wyoming's wins the year was facilitated thanks to state snow plows & a police escort. That is how bad their opponent was and how much they needed to get to 6 wins to qualify for Bowl Season. Fresno St will win this game easily.

12/19 - St. Petersburg Bowl - Rutgers vs Central Florida

This basically a home game for UCF and Rutgers has done nothing but flop in big games this year. The Scarlet Knights start the season with a loss and end it with a loss too.

12/20 – New Orleans Bowl – Middle Tennessee vs Southern Miss

Middle Tennessee is probably the best 9 win team that no one has ever heard of and they will be the best 10 win team that no one has ever of after the game. And let’s face it, no one really loses when they get to go to New Orleans ?

12/22 – Maaco Las Vegas Bowl – Oregon St vs BYU

Nobody loses when they get to go to Las Vegas either and Las Vegas certainly loves the way the BYU fans travel. However, I just don’t see the Beavers taking a licking in this one.

12/23 – Poinsettia Bowl – Utah vs California

Utah certainly knows how to beat up & beat on BCS conference teams – just ask anyone in Alabama. Cal is more schizophrenic than a cougar I once dated back in the mid 80’s…..give me a moment please…..YIKES !

12/24 – Hawaii Bowl – Nevada vs SMU

Nevada runs the ball like they have a couple of Eric Dickerson’s & Craig James’ in their backfield. At least SMU gets a trip to Honolulu out of the deal.

12/26 – Little Caesars Bowl – Ohio University vs Marshall

Who cares who wins this game ? All that really matters is that once upon a time when I was a mascot for our local hockey team, I beat up the Little Caesars mascot. I hit him with a Domino’s box.

12/26 – Meineke Car Care Bowl – North Carolina vs Pitt

Pitt was just one kick & one catch away from playing in the Orange Bowl. This may be a relative home game for the Tar Heels but this ball isn’t round.

12/26 – Emerald Bowl – Boston College vs USC

A great matchup of two underachieving overhyped programs that looks great on paper. Not sure if they have ever even played each other before. You might think I am “nuts” but BC cracks open a win in this one.

12/27 – Music City Bowl – Kentucky vs Clemson

There is only two reasons to watch this game. The first is CJ Spiller of Clemson and the second is because it is the only game on that day. This game won’t even be close.

12/28 – Independence Bowl – Texas A&M vs Georgia

I lost interest in this game years ago when Poulan Weedeater dropped their sponsorship of the game. I lost even more interest when I saw the two teams playing this year. Just can’t ever pick the Aggies (unless they play Notre Dame) so the Bulldogs win this one.

12/29 – Eagle Bank Bowl – UCLA vs Temple

I think the last time Temple played in a bowl game they played in the now defunct Garden State Bowl and KC & the Sunshine ban were on the charts. This actually wouldn’t be a bad matchup if they were playing basketball. I just can’t see UCLA losing this one.

12/29 – Champs Sports Bowl – Miami vs Wisconsin

Wisco won’t be able to handle Miami’s speed and this game is going to be over early. Miami will be a team to be reckoned with 2010.

12/30 – Humanitarian Bowl – Idaho vs Bowling Green

The best thing about this game is that it is being played on the SMURF TURF ! Idaho started out winning 6 of the first 7 before they went 0 for November again. Despite the home field advantage, I am leaning towards Bowling Green.

12/30 – Holiday Bowl – Nebraska vs Arizona

I have no idea how to pronounce Ndamukong Suh’s first name but expect to hear it a lot as the Cornhuskers wear down the Wildcats out in San Diego.

12/31 - Armed Forces Bowl – Air Force vs Houston

I don’t think a platoon of F-16’s could help stop the bombing that Casey Keenum is going to lay down on Air Force. Houston is going to win this one in high scoring fashion.

12/31 – Sun Bowl – Stanford vs Oklahoma

How did such a crappy bowl game (El Paso – nuff said) get such a good game to watch. Should be fun to watch Heisman Almost Winner Toby Gerhart try to run on the Sooner D. Sorry Mom (she’s a Cal Grad) but I think the Cardinal win this one.

12/31 – Texas Bowl – Missouri vs Navy

Yawn – though it will be fun to see Navy try to avenge their loss to Mizzou from 1961. Look for Mizzou to throw, throw & throw and Navy to run, run & run.

12/31 – Insight Bowl – Minnesota vs Iowa State

I wonder how many people on the Insight Bowl Selection Committee killed themselves after they got stuck with this game ? The Big 12 is better than the Big 10 but I am picking Minnesota anyway because I got a speeding ticket in Iowa once.

12/31 – Chick Fil-A Bowl – Virginia Tech vs Tennessee

This game is a lot more interesting on paper than it will be on TV. I’ll take the Hokies because somebody has to win and I can’t see a former raiders coach doing that.

1/1 – Outback Bowl – Northwestern vs Auburn

A Big 10 surprise and a SEC disappointment for the first game of New year’s Day. Auburn shot it’s load in the Iron Bowl when they almost beat Bama. Northwestern should win this one.

1/1 – Capital One Bowl – Penn State vs LSU

2 teams that both had BCS Championship aspirations early on that just couldn’t close the deal when they needed to do it. I love LSU and have never picked against them.

1/1 – Gator Bowl – West Virginia vs Florida State

It kind of cracks me up that in Bobby Bowden’s farewell game as the Seminoles coach, he has to play in the “Gator” Bowl. West Virginia won’t roll over in awe of his career and the Mountaineers will kill them.

1/1 – Rose Bowl – Oregon vs Ohio State

Oregon was really one punch and one loss away from serious national title consideration. Ohio State is a team I have hated ever since I knew what football was. Go Ducks !

1/1 – Sugar Bowl – Cincinnati vs Florida

This could have been a much better game if Brian Kelly hadn’t run away to go coach Notre Dame. It does still have an interesting storyline in that you have Tim Tebow’s final game and you have a Cincinnati team that will either be out to prove that they don’t need their old turncoat coach or a you will have a Cincinnati team that rolls over from the controversy of it all. I think we will see the former since Mardy Gilyard is a real threat to score any & every time he touches the ball.

1/2 – International Bowl – South Florida vs Northern Illinois

This would be an interesting matchup in early September. It’s a reason to change the channel in January. I’m going with the underdogs from Northern Illinois.

1/2 – Papajohns.com Bowl – Connecticut vs South Carolina

I hate all Steve Spurrier coached teams and Connecticut has played well all season losing it’s 5 games by a combined total of 15 points. The Huskies have an intangible to play for that the Gamecocks don’t. I like Connecticut by a slice or two.

1/2 – Cotton Bowl – Oklahoma State vs Mississippi

The Cotton Bowl used to be one of the Big 4 Bowl Games but now it has been relegated to 2^nd tier status but it always gets a fun game to watch. I like both teams in this game so I really don’t care who wins but I will be putting my bowl picks pool money on OK State.

1/2 – Liberty Bowl – East Carolina vs Arkansas

I really liked the way that East Carolina handled Houston in the Conference USA Championship Game to get here. I don’t see them having any problems whatsoever handling the Razorbacks too.

1/2 – Alamo Bowl – Texas Tech vs Michigan State

I like the San Antonio Riverwalk. I like Texas Tech. Not much else to say about this game other than it finishes off an extremely long day of football.

1/4 – Fiesta Bowl – TCU vs Boise State

In some ways this battle of Non-BCS Conference undefeated teams is a cop out because both of these teams would have beaten any BCS Conference team that they faced but in other ways it isn’t because this is a football fan’s dream matchup. Both teams can & do score at will. Both teams are exciting. Everyone remembers what Boise State did to Oklahoma and everyone should remember Billy Clyde Puckett & Shake Tiller – 2 of TCU’s most famous football graduates. This game could actually inspire Dan Jenkins to even write another football book – at least I hope so. I bleed orange & blue on both a college & pro level so my heart and my head both tell me to take Boise State.

1/5 – Orange Bowl – Georgia Tech vs Iowa

A nice placeholder/palate cleanser game between the main course (Fiesta) and the dessert (BCS Championship). Neither team truly excites me but both will show up ready to play but like I said earlier, I once got a speeding ticket in Iowa (Marengo – 1981 to be exact) so I will cheering for the Rambling Wreck from Georgia Tech.

1/6 – GMAC Bowl – Central Michigan vs Troy

Where is the outrage & outcry over the Central michigan’s coach taking the job in Cincinnati ? Exactly. Troy is a team on the rise but Central Michigan has a QB that has found the end zone more often than any other QB in FBS history. Look for him to find it a few more times in this game as CMU finishes the season off with their 12^th win.

1/6 – BCS National Championship Game – Alabama vs Texas

Based on their conference championship games, this should be a blowout of snoozefest proportions with Heisman winner Mark Ingram rolling the Tide over Heisman also ran Colt McCoy & the Longhorns but I don’t like o use comparative scores when looking at a game like this. I think both conferences are overrated & over-hyped but these are indeed the best teams from both. The Longhorns are 5 point underdogs and I fully expect them to cover the spread. I also think that based on Bama’s performance against Auburn that Texas has more than a fighting chance of pulling off the upset. I’m liking the Longhorns pulling it out in their final drive as time expires.

So there you go. 34 games. 34 winners. Check back often to see why there is a reason that Las Vegas loves me as much as they do.

And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades and on the sidelines…..swampy abides….

2009 PNC Christmas Price Index - Swampy Style

2009-12-09T11:09:00.011-07:00

Every year our friends down at PNC Bank take a couple of interns and assign them to update the Christmas Price Index. You all know what this is but just in case you don't, it is the present day cost of all of the items in the song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas". This year, prices have for the most part gone up again and the total cost of what amounts to pretty much a bunch of useless presents comes in at a grand total $21,465.56 (+1.8%). Now if you were so inclined to order on the internet, you would also incur some extra shipping charges in order to keep your 23 different birds alive so you would be paying $31,434.85. Surprise, surprise - that is actually down 1.6% from a year ago but still just under $10,000 more than obtaining the gifts locally. Obtaining the gifts locally also means that you are being green (at least according to the emails I read from the "scientists" at East Anglia University) and that you are trying to be sustainable. If I could have worked in the word "umami" then I would have hit on just about every buzzword I have come to loathe hearing and could pass go and collect my $200.

But seriously, who has $21,465.56 to spend on Christmas nowadays ? (and if you do, please email me so I can send you my wish list) In this day & age it is better to conserve what little cash we all have so I have some suggestions on how to make "The Twelve Days of Christmas" a little more affordable.

One Partridge in a Pear Tree ($159.99 - $10 for the Partridge & $149.99 for the tree) - Now I don't know about you but I live out in the country and I have a lot of birds that fly around in my backyard and I have yet to see a partridge amongst them. In fact, I don't think I have ever seen a partridge in it's natural habitat. On "The Hills" you can see Audrina Partridge in her natural habitat (a bar) for free. Since we used Audrina last year, I decided this year to put a beer & an empty bindle of coke up in the White Pear tree in my yard as lure to catch a Danny Partridge. If I add a TV camera, I might actually get them both and have 2 for the price of 1.

Two Turtle Doves ($55.98) - another bird I have never seen in the wild. Do they live anywhere but in a birdcage anyway ? If we wait until February we could probably borrow a few from the opening ceremony of the 2010 Winter Olympics but that kind of defeats the purpose of it being a Christmas present so I guess we will have to fall back on our old reliable plan and catch us a couple of pigeons from my window sill and coat them in white out. Let's just hope they don't try to fly afterward or it will be reminiscent of Les Nessman tossing turkey out of a helicopter on WKRP.

Three French Hens ($45.00) - I am sorry but I am not paying $45 for anything french. I will head over to ShopRite where I can get a much better deal on 3 oven roasted chickens for $5.99 a piece. They will certainly be less pretentious, won't smoke gauloise cigarettes and will be mighty tasty too.

Four Calling Birds ($599.96) - what the hell is a Calling Bird anyway ? Again, it's not by my bird feeder and if it had been, something probably would have eaten them by now anyway. So instead of Calling Birds, I suggest stopping by your local Cabela's and picking up some bird calls - preferably turkey at this time of year so you can get a good meal out of the deal as well.

Five Gold Rings ($499.95) - $100 for a gold ring ? Get real. I can do much better than that by talking to any number of the west african street vendors that crowd the sidewalks of NYC. No guarantee that the rings won't turn your fingers green but green fingers should help get you in a festive holiday mood.

Six Geese-A-Laying ($150) - the price of geese is dropping like a rock. Kind of like the rocks I throw at the Canadian Geese that desecrate my lawn. You want six geese a laying, I suggest you go to any golf course or park with a pond and you will find plenty of geese that you could layout with a golf club or a stick.

Seven Swans a Swimming ($5,250) I got nothing new for this one this year so here is last year's entry - "they are nothing more than big nasty birds with an attitude problem but I will admit that they are graceful to watch - Seven swans is overkill though unless of course you hit the discount rack at Dress Barn for the leftovers from the Bjork Collection".

Eight Maids a Milking ($58) nobody hand milks cows these days unless of course you are Amish. In order to update this one, I bet you could get eight breast feeding mom's to fill in if you just promise them a private spot away from prying & judgmental eyes.

Nine Ladies Dancing ($5,473.07) At a little over $600 a pop, these dancing ladies are a relative deal compared to the cost of the 9 ladies dancing between the sheets with Tiger Woods but none of us have that kind of money so I suggest heading over to your local strip club where for nine singles, you can get nine ladies to give you a quick dance on your side of the stage.

Ten Lords a Leaping ($4,413.61) Okay, I liked mine from last year so much that I am going to paraphrase it again this year - I am in manhattan and I probably have a much better chance of finding 10 queens a leaping around the Village than I do finding any lords a leaping but I am sure that you could find more than few rejected male dancers at a Broadway Cattle Call audition who would be willing to leap around for a couple of bucks.

Eleven Pipers Piping ($2,284.80) Last year I suggested rounding up the kids from the elementary school holiday concert that were going to assault us with their recorder playing but this year my suggestion is to get eleven cake decorators for free since they do "pipe" the frosting and they are all looking for that big break so they can be the next Ace of Cakes or Cake Boss.

Twelve Drummers Drumming ($2,475.20) It's too easy. Walk into any preschool or Kindergarten class with 12 drums and you will have 12 kids wailing away like it's the space jam drum solo at a Grateful Dead concert. You may need to pay for a bottle of Excedrin for the teacher but that is a lot cheaper than $2,475.20 even if you do shop at Duane Reade here in NYC.

So there we are - my suggestions for how you can creatively substitute cheaper alternatives for "The Twelve Days of Christmas". I know that my suggestions may not appeal to every one's taste but that is the great thing about this holiday, almost everything can be returned. Unless of course you got it from a street vendor because odds are he will be long gone by the time you come back to look for him.

If you have some other ideas, why not share them with me and my 2 or 3 spam bots that actually "read" this stuff.. You never know what you will find stuffed in your stocking or under your tree on Christmas morning.

And that is the view for now, from Behind the Shades.......come back next time when we discuss something totally unrelated to what you just read because I can never keep a logical train of thought going in my head or on paper....swampy abides....

My Annual Holiday Tips for Tourists Coming To NYC

2009-11-20T07:42:00.002-07:00

All but a few of the leaves have now fallen from the trees and more often than not I have to scrape some frost from my windows as I venture out in the morning for my train. Halloween is forgotten except for the stray Almond Joy or Mounds in one of the swamprat’s pumpkin buckets and the wild turkeys scampering across the backyard have become scarce. It’s that time of year again, the holiday season has come back to New York and if you plan on coming to my fair city to see the lights & the sights, let me give you some words of advice…..

Don’t !!! Stay the hell away !!! You are just going to make my daily commute a living hell !!!

But considering that no one, most of all my wife & kids, ever listens to me anyway, I might as well be a nice guy (for once) and give those of you making the holiday pilgrimage to the Big Apple a few helpful hints to make your stay in NYC the best it can possibly be….

This coming Thursday is Thanksgiving and that means that the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will be wending it’s way through midtown (and not down Broadway thanks to the Mayor For Life’s decision to give reserved seating to the tourists & the homeless in the middle of Times Square) with cheesy floats, high school bands, singers & entertainers that will leave you saying “Who the hell was that ?” and of course there will be the balloons. If they don’t have Underdog, then it isn’t a real parade in my mind but then again, I am old so that is probably why I have latched on to that particular character balloon. A word of warning though, just about every year some balloon, usually the Al Roker balloon, gets a little wild and hits a street light or a road sign causing stuff to break and fall on some dumb tourist’s head so if you are going to brave the elements and the crowds, look up to see if you are standing under something that could potentially put a dent in your cranium.

Now since we are speaking of Macy’s, lets talk about the windows and the famous Christmas displays that are behind the glass. Since early November you have been able to see the classic “Miracle on 34th Street” windows on the 34th street side (the 35th street side has the miracle of smelly dumpsters and bums so you can skip that part altogether). These windows show scenes from the classic movie starring a young Natalie Wood who would one day grow up to be the kind of woman you would want wearing only stockings under your tree but I digress…..the main windows and the ones that draw largest crowds are the windows that face out onto Broadway – right where all the singers stop to lip sync on Thursday. These windows will be the most colorful & complex and they will have music blasting as loud as possible. In fact, I can hear it over the music playing on the world’s worst iPod which come to think of it, may not be such a bad thing after all. Now as an added tip for you men, if you are tired of oohing & ahhing over the windows, turn around 180 degrees and look across Broadway & 6th where you will find the never ending loop of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Maybe Adrianna Lima will wink & blow kisses at you like she does to me. There are other stores in New York that have window displays and most of them are on 5th Avenue closer to Rockefeller Center but I never go north of 42nd street if I can help it so don’t look at me to tell you which ones to go look for like Saks 5th Avenue, Bloomingdales, Tiffany, FAO Schwartz & the American Girl Store. I suggest you go wander around on your own and annoy the commuters trying to get to Grand Central instead of me.

Now speaking of Rockefeller Center, the tree is up and yes it came from Easton, PA this year (possibly the ONLY good thing to come out of PA this year). It’s 76 feet tall and will have 30,000 LED lights powered by solar panels. It hasn’t been lit up yet but that will come soon enough. If you haven’t seen the tree at Rockefeller Center before than you really should. It really is impressive. Especially since they augment the tree each year like a stripper augments her chest. It holds court over the world’s most famous patch of ice where for a ridiculous amount of money, you can put on crappy skates and have other tourists make fun of you while you pretend to be Peggy Fleming, Jojo Starbuck or Dorothy Hamill. Personally I think that the rink at Rockefeller Center is entirely overrated and you are much better off going to either the rink at Bryant Park or even better yet, (mainly because it is even farther away from me and my commute) may I suggest skating at Wollman Rink in Central Park. True it is a Trump property and nothing says crap like a Trump property but the thought of skating among the trees & midtown skyline does it a lot more for me than over at 30 Rock.

Now how do I suggest that you get around in the city ? Well that is simple. You can take the subway and miss the sights or you can take a cab and pay through your nose or you can walk and take the chance of me stepping on you on my way to & from the train. The one thing I forbid all of you from doing is riding in a pedalcab. I hate these people with a white hot burning passion that has sometimes been mistaken for a shining star in the eastern sky. If I find you in a pedalcab, I will not only have to beat you but I will also have to beat the pedalcab driver. (and completely off the holiday topic but on topic as far as it concerns pedalcabs, there is now a “Poledancing Pedalcab” working the streets of NYC. It started as a Halloween Float but is now available for Bachelor Parties at $200-$300 per hour – though I wonder what kind of lame ass bachelor party would hire a fully clothed poledancer to ride past them on the sidewalk) That being said, let me give you a couple of quick tips about walking on the streets of New York. Holding hands is fine but holding hands or linking arms 3 or more across is just plain rude & obnoxious. Expect someone to walk right through all of you. (It will most likely be me) Don’t stand in an aimless group on a busy corner clogging up the flow of pedestrian traffic. The Empire State Building will be there before 5pm and after 6pm so don’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk & stare and stay the hell away as I try to make my way to the train. Walk & Don’t Walk signs are optional for pedestrians and stop lights are optional for bicyclists (or so they think – some SOB bicyclist actually punched me last week as he rode by me while I was jaywalking. If it hadn’t been such a lame punch I probably would have dragged him off his bike by his fanny pack and stomped a mudhole in him but I was feeling magnanimous so I didn’t.) Oh yeah, jaywalking is completely legit and expected so the only person that might hit you would be an out of town driver because cabs aren’t going to hit you since they don’t want to deal with the paperwork involved in hitting a tourist or the inevitable tv camera crews. Speaking of out of town drivers, please try to remember there is no such thing as “Right Turn On Red’ in NYC and DON’T BLOCK THE BOX !!!.

Back to the streets though, the shopping in NYC is second to none and there are stores for just about anything & everything that you could need or not need in your lifetime but during the holiday season, the street vendors come out in force. Some have licenses and some don’t. Some have real merchandise and some don’t. Some have stuff that “fell off a truck” and some are selling things boosted from your hotel room earlier in the day. Suffice to say, that Rolex you just bought for Uncle Lenny for $20 probably isn’t real and that DVD you got for a movie that just opened last weekend was probably filmed with a camcorder from the back of the theater. The best salesman I ever saw was back in the early 90’s before the widespread advent of cell phones - when a guy plopped his table down in the middle of Fulton Street and let everyone know that his gold was freshly stolen from Macy’s and you could call and check for yourself but guaranteed by the time you got back, he would be gone. Deals can be had and the price on the tag isn’t necessarily the price that you will have to pay and the best deals on everything can be found from the street vendors on Canal Street & Mulberry Street in Chinatown & Little Italy.

Times Square was once a den on iniquity and on every corner you could find hookers, pimps, con artists, drug addicts and bums but America's Mayor, Rudy Guiliani, started cleaning things up and had all the hookers, pimps, con artists & drug addicts relocated and he had all the bums killed. Times Square is now a boundless sea of lights and a mish mash cornucopia of stores that can be found in any mall in middle America. If you speak english, you are most definitely in the minority and all the character that the old Times Square had, has been sanitized and swept under the rug. I can also report that under self proclaimed Mayor for Life, King Bloomberg, the bums have returned to NYC like the swallows to Capistrano and that does leave a slight taste in your mouth and smudge on my shoe. Of course you can always take advantage of one of the free Charmin Holiday Port-a-Potties complete with Tuxedoed Attendant to take care of the smudge…..

Now speaking of taste in your mouth, while you are in New York I am sure that you will get hungry and that is a good thing as New York is home to approximately 1,000,000 places to eat so whatever you do, please skip McDonalds and other fast food chains and try to experience New York. You can go to one of the 3,000 Original Ray's Pizza Places or get a dirty water dog from a street vendor (trust me, I don't care how long it's been boiling, there is stuff in that water that could kill Godzilla) or to a Korean Bodega like my favorite, Sick Charlies on 40th, or to an irish pub for bad burgers and bangers & mash or to one of the 1,000 Original Frankie & Johnny's or to any number of 5 star restaurants or theme restaurants that seem to abound in midtown. The varieties are endless and the combinations intriguing so think twice about that Big Mac and go get some cuban chinese instead. And yes, there are street vendors that do have chestnuts roasting on an open fire but I ain't touching those myself......just like I am never touching the extruded meat from Rafiqi's Falafel cart but that is another blog for another time. As far as entertainment goes NYC offers the visitor a veritable melange of culture. People watch and check out the funky shops & markets in Greenwich Village & Washington Park. There are museums & art galleries out the wazoo. The Rangers & Knicks both play at Madison Square Garden and tickets are always available. You can tell by the number of scalpers working the games. I have absolutely no idea what the hottest shows on Broadway are these days but if you head over to the TKTS booth in Times Square they can help you. It's the booth under the giant glass staircase. If music is your thing than you have come to the right city because there are concerts every night and great acts working the nightclubs. I have no idea which of those nightclubs are the best but I am sure that I might have one reader or follower who might actually know.

And if being a freak is your thing, may I suggest craigslist.

Finally, I realize that the holidays are a time of giving and charity but a quick word of warning. Not everyone in the city asking you for $$$ is on the up & up. Beware of the red clad workers of the UHO (United Homeless Organization) with their card tables & water jugs. These leeches upon society pay $15 a day to rent the table & jug and they get to keep every last cent that they can collect during their shift. I have no problem calling them out when I walk by and one guy on 7th Avenue has a special 2 word greeting for me whenever he sees me coming his way. It makes me feel all warm & fuzzy.

In all seriousness there really is no place quite New York during the holidays. There is a vibe in the city that helps put an extra bounce in a New Yorker’s step as they step on you. Well that isn't true of all New Yorkers, most are friendly & helpful - though that guy who's offering to help you with your bag at the Port Authority probably doesn't work with the taxi drivers like he says and he will take off with your bag as soon as you let go. Don't expect a cab driver to start singing Silver Bells either but you will probably get a lot fewer "up yours" than you would on an average day. Hell, even the snow, when it comes, doesn't seem quite as dirty. So enjoy your visit to New York this holiday season. Just do me one favor, stay out of my way when I am trying to get to Penn Station to catch my train. I will cut you off, knock you down or step on you. If you have a rolling backpack, I will go out of my way to kick it but that rant is for another blog at another time too......

Now just because I talked about New York City during the holidays doesn’t mean that you have to talk about New York City during the holidays. We can talk about anything you want to talk about. You can pimp yourself. You can pimp your latest blog. You can pimp your favorite pilgrim, it doesn’t matter. As always, creative bloggobbling is not only allowed but encouraged and while there are relatively few rules in the swamp, the gators are slow roasting their turkeys so they have the time to be watching & waiting to snap up a few sides……

That’s the view for now from Behind The Shades…..quietly making whipped butternut squash, cranberry salad & mini corn muffins……swampy abides…..

A Dinner of Hope: Sunset on the Serengeti - a menu review

2009-11-10T11:23:00.002-07:00

For the most part, this year’s edition of A Dinner of Hope: Sunset on the Serengeti came off without a hitch. The food was interesting & vibrant and the chocolate station at the end of the night had a longer line than the silent auction checkout. The only thing missing was yours truly as the Master of Ceremonies but you can’t have your cake & eat it too. Unless of course you made the cake and you live alone but then again that would be an entirely different blog for entirely different time but that is neither here nor there and what we really want to do is get to my review of the offerings that were presented by the various chefs. So without further ado….

Cocktail Reception-All authentic African foods7 passed HD’O
Charmain Sithappah, Bronx NYThe Seasoned Pot

Now I don’t have a full list of the offerings but I do know that the star of the hour had to be the pumpkin & spinach wrap that was served with a fig chutney. I will definitely be trying to emulate this bad boy come SuperDuperBowl Sunday. The various lamb appetizers were also good as was a small banana fritter that looked like a crabcake and did not taste like a plaintain. The chiken satay was just that and almost forgettable. All in all though it was a good start to the evening.

Oh I forgot – there were designer martinis – hot apple pie, pomegranate and something else but I quit drinking 21+ years ago and even if I did still drink, I wouldn’t have had one of those because as far as I am concerned a martini is gin with the word vermouth whispered softly over the glass.

First CourseWarm Sea Scallop with Corn and Acorn Squash Chutney
David Haviland Castle on the Hudson

A very nice opening dish. My scallop was quick seared to a golden brown on the outside and almost raw on the inside. The Corn & Acorn Squash Chutney was less of a chutney and more of a sauce most likely due to the inclusion of some ridiculous foam. I hate foam on my food. It usually looks like someone walked my plate too close to the dishwasher before it got to me. It was truly a very nice dish despite the foam and the sauce as opposed to chutney and it was well received at the table.

Second CourseVeal Cheek Ravioli with Braised White Asparagus
Scott Cutaneo Restaurant Equus, Bernardsville

Ladies & Gentlemen, we have a clear winner by knockout in the 2nd round. This was probably the best dish that I have ever had at this event and that dates back to 2002. the veal was tender and shredded finer than the finest pulled pork. The ravioli itself was huge and the lump of shredded veal cheek was slightly larger than a golf ball but as I now remember it, it was more like the size of a tennis ball and by the time I tell this story again, it will be the size of a baseball or small grapefruit. The other component of the dish that was knock your socks off great was the braised white asparagus. What a great addition to the dish. I may have to go out and buy some this weekend if I can find 5 minutes between shows of Willy Wonka to actually cook. Equus will be the next stop on our restaurant tour of the area once we finally get a chance to go out again.

Third CourseHerb Crusted Baramundi, Stewed Tomato, Fava Beans and Preserved Myer Lemon
Robert Albers, The Pleasantdale Chateau

A very nice piece of fish that suffered by having to follow the excellence that was the veal cheek ravioli. It was served with a Meyer Lemon Sauce that surprisingly played well off of the stewed tomatoes. The fava beans got more jokes about Hannibal Lecter than anything else. Ok, I was the one telling the Hannibal Lecter jokes but that is neither here nor there.

Fourth CourseHoney Laquered Sonoma SquabBacon Braised Cabbage-Mustard Spaetzel
John Halligan, The Park Steakhouse

Now maybe it’s just the events I go to or the time of year of some of these events but squab seems to show up on the menu more often than I would actually care for it to show up. It never seems to be prepared in the same way either. It almost seems like chefs don’t know what to make of it either. Unlike some others at the table, I am willing to bet that the squab wasn’t actually undercooked or raw but that squab is actually a denser, gamier bird and thus has an almost red meat appearance & appeal to it. While it was quite good, it really wasn’t ever going to be my first choice and I will admit that I did not finish the plate. The spaetzel was a little bland almost didn’t seem to go with the dish but the sauce was enough to cover for the spaetzel’s shortcoming.

Fifth CourseBraised Venison over sweet slab bacon with petite apples and Brussels sprouts
Richard Kennedy,The Terrace, Hilton at Short Hills

I hate deer. They are long legged rats in my opinion so they aren’t exactly tops on my list when it comes time to strap on the old feedbag. So despite my preconceived notions, Chef Richard Kennedy was able to deliver an entrée that I found to be quite tender & tasty. I also quite enjoyed the sweet slab bacon though it was considerably less than a slab and I also really liked the petite apples. My wife leaned over and stole all of the petite brussels sprouts so I can’t tell you if those were any good or not but considering my aversion to then in the first place, it was probably a good thing she did take them.

Dessert Buffet- Muslin tent with Amarula for coffee (an African liquer) and sumptuous chocolates
Balsamic Caramel : handmade carmel with aged balsamic vinegar ina dark chocolate shell, sprinkled with Fleur de Sel
Banana Cinnamon : dark chocolate ganache infused with Tung Hing cinnamon and banana puree
Cinnamon Clove : coffee in a dark chocolate ganache in cased in a colorful pyramid shape
Jacqueline : milk chocolate hearts containing green tea infused white chocolate ganache and flavors of lemongrass, caramel, coconut
Balsamic Dark Chocolate Ganache : infused with rosemary and flavored with 12 year old balsamic and organic honey
Olive Oil and Sea Salt Chocoalte : the signature chocolate of Donna and Company
Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Ganache : flavored with ginger, coconut and African piripiri pepper
Chocolate Torte : flourless truffle cake with a mango filling
Chocolate and Cointreau Mousse : a mini chocolate cup with mousse
Diane Pinder, Master ChocolatierDonna Toscana Chocolates and Lounge

What can I say about the dessert other than the long lines at the chocolate station were well deserved and never ending. I didn’t get to try all of the chocolates but the clear winner in my jaded opinion was the Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Ganache flavored with ginger, coconut & African Piripiri Pepper. It was sweet & creamy in your mouth and then the heat hit the back of your throat and exploded your senses. I am really hoping that Santa Claus finds it in himself to recognize what a good boy I have been this year and leaves me a few of those bad boys under the tree.

So that is my well sated review of the menu for “A Dinner of Hope: Sunset on the Serengeti” from Behind the Shades….swampy abides

A Dinner of Hope: Sunset on the Serengeti - a menu preview

2009-11-05T08:53:00.005-07:00

It's time of year again and tomorrow night is going to be the 2009 edition of A Dinner of Hope: Sunset on the Serengeti. An evening of culinary delights benefitting Creative Heartwork (http://www.creativeheartwork.org/). This organization is near & dear to my heart as I was chairman for 6 years before resigning at the beginning of this year. Creative Heartwork, Inc.® utilizes the power of the arts to heal children and increase their capacities for wellness and future independence.

As I have in prior years, let me give you a preview of the courses & chefs for the evening (I don't have details on the cocktail hour other than the chef who is providing the Hors d'Oeuvres.

Cocktail Reception-All authentic African foods
7 passed HD’O
Charmain Sithappah, Bronx NY
The Seasoned Pot

First Course
Warm Sea Scallop with Corn and Acorn Squash Chutney
David Haviland Castle on the Hudson

Second Course
Veal Cheek Ravioli more description needed
Scott Cutaneo Restaurant Equus, Bernardsville

Third Course
Herb Crusted Baramundi, Stewed Tomato, Fava Beans and Preserved Myer Lemon
Robert Albers, The Pleasantdale Chateau

Fourth Course
Honey Laquered Sonoma Squab
Bacon Braised Cabbage-Mustard Spaetzel
John Halligan, The Park Steakhouse

Fifth Course
Braised Venison over sweet slab bacon with petite apples and Brussels sprouts
Richard Kennedy,The Terrace, Hilton at Short Hills

Dessert Buffet- Muslin tent with Amarula for coffee (an African liquer) and sumptuous chocolates

Balsamic Caramel : hanmade carmel with aged balsamic vinegar ina dark chocolate shell, sprinkled with Fleur de Sel
Banana Cinnamon : dark choclate ganache infused with Tung Hing cinnamon and banana puree
Cinnamon Clove : coffee in a dark chocolate ganache in cased in a colorful pyramid shape
Jacqueline : milk chocolate hearts containing green tea infused white chocolate ganache and flavors of lemongrass, caramel, coconut
Balsamic Dark Chocolate Ganache : infused with rosemary and flavored with 12 year old balsamic and organic honey
Olive Oil and Sea Salt Chocoalte : the signature chocolate of Donna and Company
Milk Chocoate Peanut Butter Ganache : flavored with ginger, coconut and African piripiri pepper
Chocolate Torte : flourless truffle cake with a mango filling
Chocolate and Cointreau Mousse : a mini chocolate cup with mousse

Diane Pinder, Master Chocolatier
Donna Toscana Chocolates and Lounge

Of course, all items are subject to change as you never know what may happen in a kitchen over the course of the evening and you don't have to watch Iron Chef or Top Chef to know that things can happen. Expect a review of the evening's offerings early next week.

There is also going to be a silent auction but don't expect me to be bidding on any of that Yankees crap that might show up.

Quietly pondering the inclusion of squab yet again from Behind The Shades.....swampy abides

Spicy Butternut Mango Soup or yet another swampy recipe using fruit

2009-10-26T12:58:00.002-06:00

The following recipe was adapted (ie: stolen) from Everyday with Rachel Ray so obviously now it is considerably better than it was in her shill of a magazine.

And yes, for those of you who remember my other successful recipes from my allrecipes.com site, it does incorporate FRUIT……

Spicy Butternut Mango Soup

2 tablespoons of Vegetable/Canola Oil

1 Onion – chopped/diced

2 ½ lbs of Butternut Squash – cubed

2 tablespoons of Brown Sugar

2 teaspoons (heaping) of Chipotle in Adobo

3 cups of Vegetable Broth

2 Mangoes – chopped

1 cup of Buttermilk

Salt & Pepper to taste (I only use Hawaiian Sea Salt)

Garnish with whatever you feel like garnishing with – I garnished with a spoon myself

Directions

Saute the onions in the oil over low to medium heat until translucent. Add the brown sugar, chipotle in adobo & butternut squash cubes and stir until incorporated. (I like that word) Add vegetable broth. Bring to a boil and then back to a simmer until the butternut squash cubes are soft. Add mango and let simmer a few minutes before pureeing in blender. Return to pot and add buttermilk. Serve & Garnish.

If it sucks, which it didn’t for me, then blame the editors of Everyday with Rachel Ray. If you like it, then it was my changes to the recipe that made it a success.

Looking at an empty bowl from Behind The Shades….swampy abides

The World Series - A Mets fan's biggest nightmare

2009-10-26T07:05:00.002-06:00

Yankees vs Phillies. Could it possibly be any worse ?

As a Mets fan who works in NYC with a plethora of Yankees fans, having them win yet another one would be comparable to finding out your new proctologist is Kamala the Ugandan Giant.

Of course the only good thing about Philadelphia is leaving it. Hoagie Haven in Princeton makes better cheesesteaks too. (Try a #17 with the works, trust me) I have hated the Phillies & their arrogance almost as much as their hockey brethren, the flyers. That says a lot right there.

So I think the best thing for me with regard to this year's almost winter classic is to boycott & ignore it. Look for this blog to talk about anything but the World Series.

Looking at a bleak next 2 weeks from Behind The Shades.....swampy abides

"Fly Me ! I'm Swampy !" - my latest take on air travel

2009-10-20T18:48:00.002-06:00

It was “up, up & away” for me again today as I was once again winging my way across the not so friendly skies. Back in the 1970’s, perky stewardesses from National Airlines innocently smiled and invited us to “Fly Me ! I’m Cindy !”. Flying in America was classy & fun. Nowadays however, common decency & decorum have disappeared and the airlines have grabbed their collective crotches like an erstwhile Michael Jackson while telling passengers to “Fly This !”. Air travel now has all the glamour & appeal of a bus trip to Gary, IN. By the time I land tomorrow night back in Newark, I will have achieved Platinum Elite Status in my frequent flyer program and all I can say to that is “whoop-de-doo !”. While it does mean that I will get a few extra perks when I do fly like warm cashews & wider seats, it also means that I will have spent way too much of my time on airplanes. I really don’t think that I am telling anyone anything earth shattering or that they don’t already know but it makes me feel good to vent and so vent I shall.

As I mentioned earlier, there was time in the history of air travel where flying was seen not as an entitlement but as more of a privilege. People dressed nicely and they were civil to each other. Now a great many passengers look like they just rolled out of bed and put on whatever didn’t smell that bad from the dirty laundry pile in the corner. Don’t even get me started on those folks that insist on taking off their shoes when they get on the plane. This isn’t your living room folks. Put them back on. I really don’t want to see & or smell your feet.

A quick aside, I read this morning that researchers at the esteemed Oxford University had successfully implanted a memory into the brain of a fruit fly that told it that tennis sneakers smelled bad. Why I ask ? I would think that any single cell organism or above on the evolutionary chain would be able to figure that one out. I do wonder if there is a way to employ this technology on those inconsiderate folks that take their shoes off on the plane ? But I digress…..

The airlines certainly haven’t helped any with their nickel & diming of passengers with their increasingly petty & loathsome fees for “extras” like checking luggage. These obscene charges have resulted in larger & larger bags being considered “carry on” by a great many of my fellow passengers. Bags so fat that they can barely roll down the aisle. Bags so big that they can’t possibly fit into the overhead getting repeatedly jammed & jammed into the overhead thus holding up everyone else trying to elbow their way down the aisle so they too can repeatedly try to jam their bag into a too small space before some other schlub gets to it first. Don’t forget that indignant passenger with the oversized bag who barely makes it onto the flight who finds that all the overheads are already crammed to capacity with other passenger’s crap and they will have to actually gate check their monstrosity. I am sure that there is a special circle of hell for these people but I am not sure where it is because the gate has been switched 3 times in the last 15 minutes.

Another quick aside, since this is now the 2nd time in a week that I have had the pleasure of seeing “UP” on one of my flights, who took all the pictures of Carl & Ellie in the “Stuff I’m Going To Do” section of Ellie’s scrapbook ? But again I digress….

The nickel & diming really only starts with the baggage but also extends to the food that is ‘served’ on some airlines. Free is few & far between and what is free really isn’t going to get a Michelin Rating unless we are talking about how it resembles chewing on a tire. What they try to sell you isn’t much better so a great many people have taken to bringing every type of concoction they can get past security without it being classified as a missing Iraqi WMD. Just the aroma of what the folks in the row behind me 2 flights ago would have been enough to send a fruit fly in search of a rancid tennis sneaker no matter what had been implanted in their brains.

The one group of people I do feel sorry for in all of this mess are the flight attendants. Now I have never been on a flight where the flight attendant had actual control of the flight or where they had any say as to whether air traffic control was going to put the plane in an interminable holding pattern or where they had anything to do with your middle seat getting double booked but they do catch all of the heat. Listen people, it’s not their fault. Blame Mother Nature for the turbulence. Blame the airlines for overscheduling flights in & out of airports that can’t possibly handle the traffic. Blame your fellow passengers for not gate checking the bag that they stuffed Grandma & 2 of the kids into so they wouldn’t have to pay extra for a seat thus delaying the “pushback” from the gate. Blame the surly gate agent who has been yelled at by every other over entitled passenger for double booking your seat. Just leave the flight attendants alone. It’s not their fault that someone else grabbed the last pillow or bought the last bottle of overpriced Heineken. They want to get off the plane as much as you do. Trust me.

And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades……until next time, swampy abides….

Back from Orlando with thunks on Survivor, Football & a whole lot of what not....

2009-10-12T13:35:00.003-06:00

So I spent 4 days last week in Orlando inside a convention center at an industry conference that was only slightly less painful than being boiled in oil & eaten alive by starving cannibals. At least I flew first class there & back.

My hotel was under construction when I got there so that meant no free appetizers, breakfast or snacks on the executive level. I would have been better off at a DewDrop Inn or a Motel Sixty Nine. I am getting so spoiled.

Anybody watch any football yesterday ? I am wearing my Memphis Musician tie today because I have some friends up in the beantown area who are singing the blues today. Guess that walking talking touchdown tossing Ken doll couldn’t beat the extra from Next of Kin and the rest of his motley crew in the seriously ugly brown & mustard uniforms. I did dig on some of the players twisting their vertical striped socks so they looked like barber poles. I liked the scoreboard at the end of the game better. If the sun were actually out today, it would be orange with blue streaks.

Finally watched Survivor this weekend and stop the presses, the idiots at FOA FOA finally won a challenge. Natalie, the blow up Barbie doll, who had yet to say more than one coherent sentence in the past episodes actually stepped up, talked & delivered. Russell may think he has that tribe under his thumb but I have a feeling that Jaison may be the start of an undercurrent of rebellion. Without his redneck minion from the other side of Hell, the outlaw hillbilly, Russell may find the going a bit trickier even for the holder of an immunity idol.

Over at Club GALU, Sister Detroit was actually making herself out to be even more of an outcast and even more disposable for the yoga crew than Shambo & her magnificent mulletness. I think the only thing that actually saved Shambo this week, beside the fact that she is a graduate of the Dr. Doolittle Correspondence Course in Conversational Chicken, was the fact that Club Monica & her itsy bitsy purple polka dot bikini was so pathetic in the challenge that her yoga crew had to save her from being targeted by Captain Dreadlock for elimination. And props go to Eric for finding the other immunity idol by using her royal mulletness’s hidden clues against her.

And don’t think we haven’t seen the last of that vagabond chicken either. I am willing to bet that it shows up in a few weeks when Russell sacrifices a goat or something….

(but seriously, nobody cares what I think – you should all just click now on the link to your left for the Bitchy Survivor Blog by ColetteLala – she slays & flays)

It has been my experience that most double standards are a one way street & I am heading the wrong direction.

I missed Top Chef this week but finally got it recorded last night so nobody tell me who was told to pack their knives. Of course that assumes that anyone is actually reading my blogs and we know that no one is because kharma is a bitch that way.

Protesters in the street outside my building ? Really ? Why ? Did they actually find out that I was back at work today? I may have to send someone down to find out. It is Columbus Day but that shouldn’t have anything to do with it. I think.

The Yankees beat the Twins and the Angels swept the Sawx. This is the best case scenario for us yankee haters in that the Angels have had their number this year with the exception of the final series in California. And by the way, they are still the CALIFORNIA Angels to me, none of this Anaheim Angels crap.

I love cooking in the crackpot on lazy Sundays. Threw in some pork shoulder with red & green peppers, carrots, butternut squash, sweet & white potatoes, apples, apple cider, some bbq sauce and some woostershistershiresauce. Dang tasty over some yellow rice. Guaranteed the wife & kids won’t leave an leftovers for me.

Dancing with the Wannabe & Never Were Stars is on tonight and I have read that the ratings are off dramatically. It is either because they have a mix of real nobody cares celebs or that Julianne Hough left the show. My $$$ is on the latter.

I had to scrape frost off my windshield this morning, guess that means that those final 10 habaneros I picked on Saturday were the final 10 habaneros I am going to get to pick this year. My garden was pretty much a disaster but I am just going to blame George W. Bush for it all anyway. It seems to be in vogue again.

I know I am few days late on this one but you can check my twitter feed if you want from Friday for verification but I did say that the Nobel Peace Prize did seem to me like it was a consolation prize or one of those pathetic little league participant trophies for losing out on the Olympics. I still can’t believe that the Power of 3 that was Barack, Michelle & Oprah couldn’t bring the games home to Chicago.

The weather is cooling and the boots are chilling but I do not have a boot fetish…

I really love watching Amanda from CHOPPED struggle on the Next Iron Chef – every time someone criticizes her she looks like she is constipated….

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving !!! (think they know they are celebrating 6 weeks early ?

This past Saturday was my fake ID birthday from high school. It says I turned 48.

And a week from today my sobriety will finally be old enough to legally drink.

I had 25 voicemail messages on my phone when I came in this morning. I really wish I had a delete ALL button.

A reporter from Channel 5 asked me if I thought the tickets at yankee stadium were overpriced. I told her you couldn’t pay me enough to go to a game. I don’t think I will be on the 10pm news.

It’s 3pm and there isn’t a realistic chance in hell of me actually doing anything productive in the next 2 hours. I already cleared out all the emails from last week and reassigned any real work I might have had. Now I am trying to figure out what to watch/listen to on Hulu before it is time to leave.

And on that thought, it is perhaps best to say that’s the view from Behind the Shades…..until I am bored again and you are looking to kill some more brain cells…..swampy abides

just because I didn't feel like doing anymore work today

2009-10-01T14:28:00.002-06:00

No one in my family wanted to walk through the front doors of the church with me last Sunday. Did they really think I was going to get struck by lightning ?

Of course the Pastor was more than happy to shake my hand after the service. I did make sure to check and see if I still had my watch on when he was done.

I have to sing & dance in the play my middle swamprat volunteered me to be in. This could get ugly. Damn you Youtube !

Isn’t just plain terrible that I HAVE to play golf for work tomorrow ? Yeah I know, you feel my pain.

Just watched last week’s premiere of FlashForward on Hulu – it was okay but certainly not worth ditching Survivor. I will stick to watching it online for now.

I made my killer vegetable cheese soup last weekend so now I need to come up with something else to make this weekend. I am thinking butternut squash or pork loin but really it will probably be more like Chopped in that I will open the Freezer and see what I pull out.

Speaking of Chopped, one of the female judges, the stern blonde – not fat Alex Guarnaschelli, is going to be one of the 10 competitors on The Next Iron Chef. I really hope she tanks but I have a sneaking suspicion that she will do well since she only lost to Bobby Flay by 1 point in Battle King Crab.

Speaking of Iron Chef, the Chairman’s nephew is paired up with Lacey Schwimmer on Dancing with the Wannabe Once Were Never Will Be Stars and he doesn’t look half bad. He should be getting some strong cult viewer dial-in support. I am torn between wanting him, Natalie Coughlin or Louie the Snowboarder to win. I think I want Louie to win because he is dancing with Julianne Version 2.0 and she is kind of cute and fun to watch.

Speaking of fun to watch, I m loving ABC’s Modern Family starring Al Bundy. I will boil it down in a nutshell for you, Al dumped Peg and got a trophy wife, Bud turned gay and Kelly got smart and married an idiot. How can you not watch this ?

How can you also not be watching college football. The season seems to be in one big shaker and the AP rolls out a new & completely different Top 25 every week. I guess the writers are waiting for the BCS computer to tell them what the rankings should really be. Just keep the Big 12 & The Big 10 out of the National Championship game – PLEASE !!!

Drop the Puck !!!!

Dianne Birch is one of my favorite free download finds from StarCrooks. Check her out if you get a chance.

Speaking of StarCrooks, I will miss the free coffee once our offices moves uptown to that deluxe apartment in the sky-yi-yi-yi….

Roman Polanski deserves to be in jail. Anyone who defends him & his actions obviously does not have a daughter. I have 2 and people like him scare me to death.

I’ll be back on the road again next week which will mean nightly updates from my hotel. Or maybe not. It really depends on how lazy I am.

The Broncos will upset the cowpokies in Denver on Sunday and my undefeated season prediction will still be alive and the sun in my world will still be orange with hints of blue.

My habaneros are finally kicking in even if they are late and that is the view for now from Behind The Shades……swampy abides…..

SURVIVOR - Episode 2 - 09/24/2009

2009-09-28T12:12:00.001-06:00

Finally got around to watching the 2nd episode of Survivor last night so we need to quickly get my ignorant thoughts down before I go over and read the most excellent bitchiness that is brought forth weekly by ColetteLala on her blog (Click on the link to the left).

I said it last week and I will say it again, Mark Burnett has to be beside himself with glee because of Russell. The guy is pure evil and purely full of himself. He is obviously a student of the game and he already has the camp under his control. His proactive search of the camp for the immunity idol was pure genius. As was stuffing the idol down the front of his too small, too tight shorts/underwear because no one in that camp is going to risk getting caught by him looking at his package. He’s targeted 2 survivors and has picked them both off. His team however better start winning some challenges or it will be his head on a stake in the jungle instead of a pig’s.

Ben, the outlaw hillbilly, may soon surpass Russell as the most hated man on Survivor if he keeps up the cheap play, the ketchup sandwiches and the dissing of the Probst & his “sissy rules” at Tribal Council. Foa Foa may have kept him around for the physical aspect of the challenges but if he can’t stay in them and help them win, he is going to be headed for the Loser’s Lodge pretty damn quick and he can make his own ketchup sandwiches & Kool-Aid.

Not sure what Miss Detroit’s name is but she obviously doesn’t know that EVERYONE is playing for the same $1,000,000. I am a gentleman and was brought up to never hit a lady but if we are both on equal footing and we are both going for the same pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, someone is getting knocked down and it sure isn’t going to be me.

Does the long haired blonde on Foa Foa talk ? I don’t think she said a single word all episode. I also think that at Tribal, she obviously borrowed Heidi Klum’s Project Runway hairstyle. Don’t wrap it too tight darling, we wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Was the Outlaw Hillbilly’s trip of Captain Dreadlock really enough to get kicked out of a game ? It was no more egregious than some of the earlier hits and maybe a little less so than some of the facial blows that were delivered in the first 2 rounds. Props to the Probst for spotting it and I guess he had to call it after the warning but if it had been on the final point, I think he would have “swallowed his whistle” like any ref worth his salt.

I think that Captain Milquetoast over at Foa Foa must secretly be French.

I think Shambo is gone the minute she sticks her torch into the flame the first time her team goes to tribal. You can’t not catch fish and lose the snorkel mouthpiece and expect to survive. I guess her mullet must have scared off the fish or was it the wonderful gelatinous whiteness of her bikini clad body ?

Can I use Betsy’s name if I ever get pulled over in New Hampshire ?

If I ever saw Mike cooking in the kitchen of a restaurant I had walked into, my first thought would be “CHECK PLEASE !” He embarrassed New Yorkers everywhere with his pathetic attempt at being tough. Braiding the tip of your nasty ass beard does not strike fear in the hearts of your fellow competitors. Neither does a gut the size of jumbo Turducken. He got his bell rung and his ticket punched all at the same time – good riddance.

Burnett threw us a red herring in the previews for next week that showed Jaison & Captain Milquetoast possibly trying to subvert Russell in his quest for the $1,000,000. You just know that Burnett is not going to let this happen. He doesn’t believe in “fairplay” when it comes to getting ratings especially when you lose the week to FlashForward.

I’ll be back again next week for another 2 minutes & 17 seconds of commentary you won’t remember…

And that is the view from Behind The Shades……swampy abides

Monday Missives On What I Forgot Over The Weekend

2009-09-21T11:11:00.004-06:00

Maybe it's just me but it would seem to me that FaceSpace, Twitless and the others of their ilk seem to be devolving into Anti-Social Networks.

I think it wouldn't be a bad thing to have Neil Patrick Harris as your personal emcee for your everyday life.

As I walked the recycling to the curb around sundown I noticed hundreds of dragonflies darting & swooping in the front yard. When I turned back to face the sun, I saw the clouds of gnats swirling in the air. The dragonflies were diving through them like sharks through a ball of baitfish.

I did battle with the overgrown thorn bushes encroaching on my new forsythias and based on the scratches on my arms & legs, it was a pyrrhic victory at best.

Today is The International Day of Peace. I am already going to have a hard time observing it and I haven't even gotten off the train yet.

And I swear I am going to punch the next person who hip thrusts the ID scanner when my hand is there.

I am wearing my compass tie today because there are more than a few people out there who need some direction.

I consider myself a TV watcher but I when they got to the movie & mini-series section of the Emmys last night, I was completely lost.

Speaking of LOST, Ben wins an Emmy. Or did he ? We won't know for sure until we see the outcome of Juliet whacking Jughead with a rock.

The judges on "Chopped" really, really bug me with their self importance & smugness. Come on already, you just asked people to create a dish with crap that was scrounged from the back of a forgotten cupboard or that you can't find in Whole Foods without a sherpa. Get over yourselves already.

When you see a cop badly out breath in Au Bon Pain and all they have done is walk in from their car parked illegally at the curb, you can't feel safe. Can you ?

Russell on the new season of Survivor is a psychopath. Mark Burnett is probably already scheduling another Survivor All Stars so he can bring him back again. I still say I could win but I also still say that mortgages don't pay themselves.

CBS Monday is almost a slam dunk except for the 10pm hour - I am hooked on Castle mainly because I am a wannabe mystery writer who is still struggling to complete his first novel. I also got turned off last year by Callie & Delko but I can forgive & forget once Delko is dead. I do hope we get more Eva LaRue this year. Either way, one of those 2 shows gets watched online tomorrow here at work....during my lunch hour of course.....

Speaking of watching TV online - thanks to really bad summer tv and limited channels in some of the flophouse I stay in while traveling, I have discovered Kitchen Confidential on HULU. It was a 2005 sitcom set in a fictitious NYC restaurant based on Anthony Bourdain and starring Bradley Cooper. It never saw more than 4 episodes get aired but all 13 that were filmed are available online. I bet Bradley Cooper is hoping that people don't find it even though it isn't exactly half bad. Of course it isn't exactly half good but it beats watching repeats of "The Colony" on Discovery.

And since we are talking about cooking, I made some of my killer easy applesauce last night to go with the fresh bread machine 9 grain bread and the Ham Shank with a pineapple honey mustard glaze that I had going. Too bad I had to take the middle swamprat to a church dinner for overcooked egg noodles and bland chicken noodle soup. We were really there to nourish our soul and not our bodies. I spent most of my time dodging the lightning bolts. The new pastor said he looked forward to getting to know our family but I know he really meant that he looked forward to getting to know my signature in the lower right corner of those green rectangular pieces of paper I keep on my desk.

No sooner do I make fun of Florida State than they go out and kill the # 7 ranked team. Of course having BYU & Utah both lose will help make Boise State's road to a BCS Wildcard Berth that much smoother. I hope.

Speaking of Broncos, my Denver Donkeys are 2-0 and headed for Oakland. I won't get my hopes or expectations up but I am suddenly feeling pretty good about that 16-0 prediction.

And isn't always nice to see the Patricheats lose ? J-E-T-S jetsjetsjets fans are living large today.

Nice to see Brandon Dubinsky is finally signed. Now drop the puck, we have trains to catch.

I definitely write more when I sitting at my desk than I do when writing on my blackberry on the train. Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing but since I have virtually no readers and fewer comments, I think the point is moot.

Now I remember why I never wear these shoes. They squeak when I walk.

And I knew the FREE special edition of the NY POST, that journalistic bastion of truth, justice and all the news that is unfit to print was a fake because the kid who handed it to me knew how to speak English.

And that's the view for today from Behind The Shades....swampy abides

A quick blog before sundown

2009-09-18T14:29:00.000-06:00

Well here it is. Another Friday afternoon and I have absolutely no desire to work. It’s also been so long since I have blogged that I seem to be out of practice and don’t have any lever ideas or ways to get started. I do know that at sundown Rusha Homa begins so the Big Apple is going to empty like rats off a sinking ship and my train is going to be packed so that should help to put me into a real peachy keen mood….

Speaking of peaches, I made an outstanding peach & blueberry cobbler a few weeks back and I posted a picture on Twitter but don’t ask me to do that here because quite honestly I don’t know how and I am too damn lazy to learn….

Since we are on the topic of food, I tried something called a Tennessee Tailpipe at Fat Annie’s Truck Stop the other day that will definitely be recreated on SuperDuperBowl Sunday. It was basically a deep fried pulled pork egg roll drizzled with a cheddar cheese sauce. Plan on my adding some chipotle somewhere into that mix…

Been traveling WAY too much recently. I am already Gold Elite for next year and Platinum Elite is within my grasp. Too bad a great number of my flights are on TurboProp planes so First Class means landing safely and not a bowl of warm brazil nuts & a hot fudge sundae. But speaking of flying, a comedian by the name of Jim Norton was on the new Jay Leno Show, which really is nothing more than the old Jay Leno Show which I never watched, and he did a routine about air travel that frankly I found to be neither new or original. But then again, that also a good way to describe my blogs as I haven’t written anything new & original in the 5+ years that I have been serially killing the brain cells of those unfortunate few that have actually read what I wrote.

Speaking of cereal, I read in my local paper that the kid that posed as Pimp to bust ACORN actually got his undercover video career started when he went to the food services department at his college posing as an irish student to protest the school serving Lucky Charms since they stereotyped irish people. I wonder if Mike Wallace started the same way ?

Speaking of the Irish, isn’t it fun watching Notre Dame lose football games at the last minute ? Isn’t it even more fun being a fan of a team that wins in the last minute like the Patricheats did against the Buffalo Jills or even better, like my Donkeys did against the Bungles with the “Immaculate Deflection” ? Major kudos to Brandon Stokley for running along the goal line and burning off even more time. And since we are talking about football programs that basically stink, let’s not forget Florida State. They haven’t been relevant since Jen Sterger was a B cup and they are going to get blown out by BYU this weekend too.

Speaking of getting blown, I had the misfortune of stepping out onto my hotel balcony in Myrtle Beach this week to enjoy the view only to be distracted by the site of 2 old people going at it hot & heavy with the lights on in the building across the way. I guess those little blue pills must actually work because 11 minutes later when I finally got all of the bleach out of my eyes, I glanced over again and they were still going at it. I called housekeeping and had them send up more bleach.

And finally, as I was driving to the airport (no – they weren’t still doing it) I passed “WICKED STICK – a John Daly Signature Golf Course”. My first thought was stripper poles for flagsticks, Hooters girls working the beer cart and you get to quit after 16 holes…..

And with that, I should probably quit too…..that’s the view for now from Behind The Shades…..swampy abides…..

The 2009 I Hate Your Favorite Team NFL Prediction Blog

2009-09-08T12:11:00.003-06:00

Tailgates are being oiled, grills are being stoked, mischievous mascots are up to no good, pom-poms are being pommed, cheerleaders are wearing as little as possible, drunken fat dudes are painting themselves in their team colors and I still hate your favorite team. Welcome to the Behind The Shades edition of the 2009 NFL Prediction Blog.

For the true football fanatic, the time between the end of the SuperDuperBowl and the first Thursday night game in September is almost sheer agony. Sure you have the “intrigue” of the NFL Draft (Will Mel Kiper’s hair move ? Will Chris Berman use the entire dictionary & a thesaurus to boot ? Will someone get left in the green room long after everyone else is gone ? Has anyone learned how to dress like an NBA draft choice ?) followed by training camp (Who is holding out ? Who is fighting who in the drills, sidelines & bars ? Which unheralded rookie will be the flavor of the week after a breakout 4th quarter in the first preseason game ?) followed by your Fantasy Draft (Which team name is the worst ? Who is going to be picked first ? Who is going to pick the first player who was either arrested or found dead over the offseason ?) but those are all just time fillers until Hank Williams, Jr asks us all “Are you ready for some football ?”. Over the next few pages, because I have a lot of educated opinions & facts to spew, I am going to tell you exactly how the season is going to lay out, unfold & progress. In the many years that I have been offering this service I have yet to be wrong, so with that caveat in place, why don’t we have at it ? The first kickoff is getting closer by the minute.

Now in my world the sun is orange with tints of blue and God looks a lot like John Elway. With that qualifier in place I am once again going to predict that my Denver Broncos will run roughshod over the AFC West and the rest of the NFL on their way to a perfect 16-0 season and another SuperDuperBowl title in Miami. I will give you all a minute to call your bookies in Vegas so you can get your $$$ down as quickly as possible before the odds plummet. Now that you are back let me explain. I am a true fan. I am a true orange & blue fan. I go into every week of the season believing my team will win. I never think they will lose until the clock hits 0:00 and the final gun sounds. So 16-0 sounds perfectly rational to me at this point. Hearing Roger Goodell announce next spring “With the first pick in the 2010 NFL Draft, the Denver Broncos select….” sounds more realistic but that too is somewhat flawed in that my stupid Donkeys have already traded away their # 1 pick in the this year’s draft so all our losing will come to naught.

In the real world, the sun is yellow and in the AFC Worst it is tinged with blue lightning bolts. The Chargers, loathe that I am to say it, are obviously the cream of this curdled crop of football teams. Their late season run (combined with my donkey’s collapse) confirmed that this team has the tools to win the division again. LTD is going to be a man on a mission as he tries to prove to his detractors that he isn’t old, injured or done. If he does falter, the Bolts do have Darren Sproles but there is a question as to whether he can actually live up to the week to week workload. Luckily for both of them, San Diego does have Phillip Rivers at QB and yes, I would trade Eli Manning again today for him. The Broncos are a team in shambles & disrepair. The whole crybaby saga between Jay Cutler & new coach Josh McDaniels was enough to make anyone sick and now star wideout Brandon Marshall is trying his hardest to get in on the act too. The Donkeys still have a suspect defense thanks to drafting yet another running back. Combine that with either Kyle Orton or Chris “Splenectomy” Simms at starting QB and it is going to be a long season in the Mile High. In Kansas City, the Chiefs faithful are already being tested as their new QB, the walking talking touchdown tossing Ken doll’s stand in - Matt Cassel, is already getting banged up. Maybe the chiefs should let him sit out the opener in Baltimore just to be on the safe side. They aren’t making the playoffs this year anyway so a loss that keeps your franchise qb from being decapitated isn’t going to hurt. They also just fired their offensive coordinator and the new head coach, who’s name escapes me and really is irrelevant anyway, is taking over his duties which is never a good portent for the future. As for the Raiders, well when I went to Oakland to talk to Coach Tom Cable about his chances this year, he threatened to punch me out so I left. Suffice to say, the raiders would have trouble beating Notre Dame.

Over in the AFC Least, Bill Belicheat could probably find a way to steal 10 wins for the Patricheats if he had Boy George at quarterback so I fully expect them to run away with the division now that the walking talking touchdown tossing Ken doll is back from his season ending knee surgery and has married a real life Barbie. There is nothing in the division that should be able to stop them. Especially since Belicheat is above the rules. Down in Miami they are going to be wildcatting it again this year (for those who don’t know, the Wildcat Formation is this year’s featured flavor of the month and even Grandpa Odin up in Minnesota has split out wide in a preseason game) but I don’t think that C-H-A-D chadchadchad is going to be catching anyone by surprise this time. The Fish would have a better chance in the division if they got one of their new owners (Hello Serena !) and lined her up as an outside pass rushing linebacker in a 3-4 defensive scheme. The J-E-T-S jetsjetsjets have a new coach, a new quarterback and 2 disgruntled running backs. Combine that with a first round pick who is already bringing back memories of Blair Thomas & Johnny “Lame” Jones with his lack of preseason production. The J-E-T-S jetsjetsjets will get plenty of press in NYC but the back page of the Post will still belong to Eli & Company. The Bills added T.O. for one year this past offseason because no one else was willing to touch him. I personally wouldn’t touch him with a Hazmat suit. He really is the classic example of subtraction by addition. Add in the 3 game suspension that Marshawn Lynch has to serve to start the season and the Bills are going to be lucky to be playing catch-up all season long.

The AFC North is going to come down to 2 teams – The Steelers & The Ravens. Cincinnati will only be heard from whenever Chad Ochocinco twitters & tweets which based on his tweet count maybe be more than any of us will ever care to hear about the Bungles. The Brownies are finally going to start their overrated former Notre Dame quarterback, Brady Quinn, who better be better at tossing footballs then he was throwing Subway sandwiches in that ad a few years ago. The Steelers may be defending SuperDuperBowl champs and Big Ben may have stayed off the motorcycles but I don’t think they are going to be strong enough to hold off Ray Lewis and his crew of felons from Baltimore. Joe Flacco isn’t showing any signs of a sophomore jinx through the preseason and the 3 headed running back they have in RiceMcGaheeMcClain will have football fans remembering the days of 3 headed Broncos running backs. These 3 will be better however. If Ray Lewis can stick to killing people on the field instead of off the field, this team could be headed for Miami in February.

The AFC South will probably be the only division in the AFC that will have some intrigue from top to bottom. Any of these 4 teams is actually capable of winning the division and any of the 4 teams is actually capable of falling completely off the map. Last year the Texans were the Flavor of the Month and then went bad like mayo at a hot bbq in August when fragile Matt Schaub went down yet again. That was okay last year because they had Slingin’ Sage Rosenfels as their backup qb but now he’s up in Viking land backing up the Ancient One so when Schaub goes down (like now), they are screwed. Andre Johnson is still a man among boys at WR but Steve Slaton will be this year’s fantasy football bust. The Jags were supposed to be the other contender last year but they played like Fred Taylor’s groin and were never in it. Now that the groin has gone to New England, fantasy owners are happy because it means the UCLA bowling ball that is Maurice Jones Drew will get all the meaningful carries but it really won’t matter in the long run because as long as any team has David Garrard as their starting qb, they aren’t winning the SuperDuperBowl. The Titans got a surprise last year in that Kerry Collins drank from the Fountain of Youth instead of from the Fountain of Booze and stepped up admirably when Vince Young flaked out. They have a crew of no name receivers, two more than capable running backs in Chris Johnson & LenDale White (who goes after the endzone like he goes after a cheezburger) and a decent defense but they always seem to come up a yard short. The Colts have America’s pitchman, Peyton Manning (who has actually shown a hell of a talent for self deprecating humor – we will see him on ESPN or NBC in a few years), at qb and as long as he is upright and can throw the ball downfield to whoever is running under it, the Colts are going to be contenders in the division. I just don’t think they have what it takes to get the job done anymore and that this is a team that is on the downhill side of their once promising run.

Over in the NFC Least you have a division full of teams that I just can’t stand. Dan Snyder has made the redskins unwatchable with his ego & checkbook constantly getting in the way. Jason Campbell at quarterback also makes the redskins unwatchable. Clinton Portis is only watchable now when he is embodying one of his many different personalities. I do own Santana Moss in one of my fantasy leagues so I guess I do have to watch the redskins on Monday mornings in the boxscores but that is going to be it. The Iggles were probably the least disagreeable team in the division once you got past the fact that they were from Philadelphia. I mean the only good thing about Philly is leaving in my book. The cheesesteaks are overrated and the cream cheese is meh. I prefer Neufchatel myself but that is beside the point and totally irrelevant at this time. The Iggles could always be counted on to screw with the Jints at some point in the season and the wars with the cowpokies were always interesting for the number of fans that got arrested, booked & tossed in the stadium pokie. Then they had to go sign Michael Vick. Woof. I wonder if the Iggles play in Cleveland this year. That would be a fun game to watch just for the reaction of the Dawg Pound. No matter how good Michael Westbrook is at RB, he is going to break at some point and McNabb can’t shoulder it all alone – he’s too old & broken for that. The less we say about Jerry Jones & the cowpokies the better. The best thing to happen to them over the offseason was Tony Romo dumping Jessica Simpson. As for the cowpokies new stadium, well, we all know that Jerry Jones is compensating for his shortcomings with the size of his video screen hanging over the field. I hope every punter in the league aims for that thing and that they hit it over & over & over again so that Roger Goodell finally has to tell Jerry to pound sand and raise it. I also need to go back to Dallas to visit so I can give the new Texas Stadium the same single digit salute I gave the old one oh so many times in the past. Now I was brought up in a J-E-T-S jetsjetsjets household so I was taught to hate the Giants (Jints) from an early age. Having all my friends as jints fans made it easier and the fact that they stunk made it even easier still. I continued my hatred of the jints through college and into my years in Denver when I got to watch them beat my Donkeys for their first SuperDuperBowl victory. I reveled in their blowout at the hands of Ray Lewis and the rest of the felons known as the Ravens. I had an even tougher time watching when they beat the undefeated Patricheats even though I wanted the patricheats to lose because the thought of having to live with SuperDuperBowl winning fans (who are also almost ALL Yankees fans too) was almost enough to make me ill. I did enjoy last year when Plaxico shot himself in the leg and I am glad that Gaptooth Strahan finally retired. The jints player I can’t stand the most is the one that is lionized the most often and that is Peyton’s little brother. I really wanted to see the Williams sisters beat them in that oreo commercial. As an aside, now that I think about it, Venus looks like she could be a pretty decent nickelback in an end of the game prevent situation. Have I talked about the jints enough yet ? Can you feel my love for them ? Good, let’s move on.

The happiest person in the NFC North to see Grandpa Hornhead (or Odin or whatever name we finally agree on for the qb that just won’t retire) was probably the new crybaby in Chicago. Da Bears stole an all-pro caliber qb to go with a strong defense and a solid running game. Too bad he doesn’t have anyone to throw to at WR or TE. The Monday Morning Quarterback & Brett Favre Fellatilist (until this season) Peter King of Sports Illustrated actually picked Da Bears to go to the SuperDuperBowl this year. I am picking Crybaby Cutler to break his leg in week 1. Minnesota may have the best RB in the game in Adrian Peterson but the Vikes also have Grandpa Whatever we wind up calling him and you just know that at some critical point in the season, he is either going to break down or throw and interception. The Vikings are going to contend in the Black & Blue and may even make the playoffs but Miami will not be their final destination this year. Green Bay may actually be the most solid team in the division this year. Aaron Rodgers had a year under the microscope and now the spotlights are shining elsewhere in the division. Ryan Grant & Greg Jennings offer more than a 1-2 punch on offense and the defense usually has some dreadlocked defensive back that can hit & make plays. Look for the Cheeseheads to steal the division from the other 2 teams. Notice I didn’t include Detroit ? the Lions may have finally gotten rid of that football idiot Matt Millen but it is going to be years before they are even close to being good again. From a fantasy standpoint, Calvin Johnson is truly godlike and the absolute ONLY reason to even watch this miserable team.

The NFC South is going to be a crapshoot again this year and in a good way for football fans. The Atlanta Falcons are the favorite due to Matt Ryan at QB, Michael Turner (everyone’s # 1 or 2 fantasy pick) at RB, Roddy White at WR and new offensive toy, Tony Gonzalez, at Tight End. The big question is whether the defense can go all Dirty Bird against the high powered offense coming out of the Big Easy. Speaking of the Saints, Drew Brees is one pass happy MoFo who almost caught & passed Mr. Isotoner Glove’s single season passing record and he didn’t have Marques Colston for a good part of the year and he is also still stuck with Jeremy Shockey at Tight End. Reggie bush still hasn’t proven that he deserve all the outrage for not being picked #1 in the draft a few years back which is probably due to his involvement with the publicity seeking attention whores that are the Kardashians. Pierre Thomas has quietly become a quality back and has made fans in the bayou not miss Deuce & his injured knees as much as they did in the past. The Carolina Panthers are a team that never seems to fall too far by the wayside but are also a team that can’t seem to get it finally done either. At least Steve Smith hasn’t gone all Tom Cable in preseason this year and punched anyone out on his defense. Julius Peppers leads that group and for a relative bunch of no names, they do know how to hit & play. DeAngelo Williams had 18 TD’s last year and there is no reason to think he won’t keep finding the endzone this year. Jake Delhomme is still at QB despite how much fans hate him. It seems like he has been in the league a long, long time and that is about all I can say for him. Down in Tampa, QB is one spot where the Bucs have a big question mark. Byron Leftwich is now going to be the starter but Josh Freeman is going to be looking over his shoulder. The rest of the Bucs are a pretty non-descript group which was fine when Jon Gruden was coaching because he enjoyed keeping the spotlight on himself and not his players but now someone, maybe Earnest Graham, is going to have to step up and carry the load for the Bucs to have a chance. They could play spoiler in the division but I think they are going to be looking at a last place schedule next year.

Out in the NFC Worst, the obvious pick is the defending NFC Champs, the Arizona Cardinals but I am not too sure about that. I think Kurt Warner’s glass slipper may not fit him as well this year but as long as he keeps upright long enough to chuck it downfield, both Larry Fitzgerald & Anquan Boldin are threats to haul it in and take it to the house. Tim Hightower is legit at RB and beanie Wells could be a nice 3rd down option for now. 9-7 may actually win this division. Word out of Seattle is that Matt Hasselbeck is upright again and with TJ Who’syourmama now at WR & a potentially healthy Edgerrin James at RB combined with the (stolen from Texas A&M and why would you steal anything from an Aggie ?) 12th Man could result in them having a legit shot at returning to the top. In SF the Niners have a coach in Mike Singletary who can probably suit up and still rip the head off the opposing QB. In a street fight I would even give the edge to Singletary over his East Bay counterpart, Tom Cable, with the Raiders. Alex Smith has been an absolute bust at quarterback (he’s backing up Shaun Hill for god’s sake – bet the Niners can’t wait to shed Smith’s salary cap hit) and no matter how good Frank Gore has been in the past, he can’t do it all for this team. Their only saving grace is that the St. Louis Rams round out this division. Bulger ? Boller ? Does it matter ? All the Lambs can hope for is that Steven Jackson stays healthy and that everyone else in the division sucks. They are a hopeless franchise that won’t be the worst in the NFC only because the Lions are still supposedly playing pro ball.

So now that we know how the regular season is going to turn out, how do I see the Post Season unfolding ? Let’s take a look….

In the AFC, the real challenge is deciding who the 2nd wildcard team is going to be. I see New England & San Diego getting the top 2 seeds based solely on how they will feast on their divisional opponents and pump up their records. Baltimore & most likely Indianapolis will win the North & South respectively. The two wildcard teams will be Pittsburgh and Houston – just squeezing out the Titans (and making everyone in Houston feel some Oiler Pride – LUV YA BLUE – in the process). Of course the ravens will add some black to that blue in the first round as they kill the Texans and the Steelers will beat the Colts in what is really the beginning of the end for America’s pitchman. That would set up the Patricheats hosting the Steely McBeams and the Chargers hosting the Ravens. Now I may be wrong but I haven’t been yet so I see Belicheat & The walking talking touchdown tossing Ken doll beating Big Ben & Troy Polamalou (the Head & Shoulders guys with the Michael Jackson voice) up in New England and the Ravens committing a couple of felonious assaults out on the west coast to set up what should be a classic cold weather, bad weather AFC Conference Championship game. Hard to bet against the Patricheats but I would since I see the Ravens lowering the boom defensively and the 3 headed running back combo pounding it along the ground until the kid from Delaware proves that you don’t have to go to a big school to be a winner. The Ravens will head to Miami as the AFC Champs.

In the NFC, the picture is a little cloudier. Kind of like the stolen cable we had in our frat house my junior year in college. Trying to pick a Number 1 seed out of this mish mash is kind of like throwing darts at balloons at the carnival, you know you are going to hit something but probably not the balloon you aimed for because the weighting is off. I went into this with one team in mind and came out with another one at the end. Unlike the AFC, none of these teams is getting fat & happy on their divisional rivals but I do see New Orleans & Philadelphia (provided Westbrook stays healthy and Vick doesn’t get bit by a dog or the Philly Fanatic) sneaking into the bye week while the Packers & the Cardinals will get to host wildcard games. The Black & Blue Division will spend most of their time beating on each other and I think that in the end, the Falcons will take advantage of that and steal the 6th spot while the Giants will outlast the Cowpokies and take the 5th spot. I see the Pack handling the Falcons as Brett contemplates retirement again from his Mississippi abode and the Giants will end the charade that is the Cardinals. In the next round I see the Saints rouller-ing over the Giants as the ghost of Archie Manning makes Eli do stupid things down on the Bayou while up in Philly, the pack continue their unlikely run. The Conference Championship game will see the revelers on Bourbon Street implode with ecstasy as the Drew Brees finally leads the Saints to the SuperDuperBowl.

And speaking of which, Landshark Stadium in Miami will be rocking & rolling as the impenetrable defense of the felonious Ravens meets the pass happy airborne attack of the Saints. The Ravens, as a franchise, have been here before and they know the taste of victory having savored it in the past. The Saints have only been here as fans in the stands but I am feeling as good about them as I am my SuperDuperBowl menu (which this week just got the addition of Tennessee Tailpipes from Fat Annie’s Truck Stop on 33rd between 6th & 7th – wow). A lifetime of pain & suffering will finally be lifted as the voodoo witch doctors spread some gris gris on Ray Lewis and the Saints emerge as champions by a final score of 23-17 in a game that America watches until the end and not just for the commercials.

So there you have it. Take it to the Bank. Take it to your Bookie. Take it to Vegas. Print it out and follow along this season as each comment unfolds in real life. Remember, I haven’t been wrong yet.

Of course the season starts on Thursday and then all bets are off.

From behind the shades……swampy abides…..

It's National Procrastination Day !

2009-09-02T04:41:00.002-06:00

I will blog about it later.

Maybe.

From behind the shades......swampy is thinking about abiding....

Maybe.

Twitter, Tweeting & Celebritwits

2009-08-28T13:32:00.002-06:00

Out of boredom & mild curiosity, I went and looked myself up today on Twitterholic. (Sorry – no link – Google it or Bing it like I did) I had them ‘crawl” my stats and they came up with some interesting observations. At least they were interesting to me but only because I was stuck on yet another conference call from hell and when I am stuck on one of those, well, watching paint dry would be considered interesting & exciting.

Now according to Twitterholic I joined Twitter on September 17, 2008. I remember seeing an article somewhere about a service that would let you “tweet” your thoughts or update your status 140 characters at a time. I found great humor in this because I couldn’t even begin to fathom expressing myself in 140 characters much less 140 words. Hell, based on the length of some of my old blogs that I had written on another site, 140 paragraphs or 140 pages were barely enough to contain the misguided verbiage that poured forth from my fingers to my keyboard. I gave it a try. No one responded. No one “followed” me. So I did what any good attention whore who wants more people to read his stuff would do, I left. I did mention it in a blog and even made considerable fun of it. I figured it was yet another web based service that I had signed up for that I would never see or use again.

As the weeks wore on I started to hear about Twitter being used in politics and in the race (euphemism, I know) for the presidency so I went back. I got passionate and did all I could to dispel the non-truths and to report on the stories that the media was so conveniently “forgetting” to discuss. All 17 of my followers were inundated with my 140 character blurbs and after the votes were counted, I forgot all about Twitter again.

But others did not forget about Twitter. The media saw the “power & influence” that could be accomplished through Twitter and suddenly everyone everywhere was starting to talk, type & tweet about it. Celebrities discovered it and the race was on to see who could get 1 million followers first. I was still mystified (much like I am today) by this sudden infatuation and I figured that this would just be the next fad. But Ashton Kutcher somehow beat CNN to that 1 million mark and Time Magazine soon after had Twitter on the cover. More celebrities flocked to the site which in all honesty has to be an absolute nightmare for just about any Hollywood Publicist who has a client that needs to be “guided” and kept under control. Unsupervised drunken tweeting is even worse than drunken texting because with a text message, only the recipient sees it. If you are a Britney Spears or a Kim Kardashian or Lindsay Lohan and you drunken tweet, you have anywhere from 1 to 3 million people following you who can read it.

And read it the gossip pages do. I don’t know why any celebrity is even on Twitter to be honest other than blatant narcissism or they have a brilliantly fading career and are trying to hold on to some semblance of notoriety. I guess that it is better than sitting on a former lover’s front stoop or bushes at all hours of the night & early morning but that is beside the point and almost totally irrelevant. In fact following celebrities has proven to me how irrelevant we all really are to the majority of celebrities on Twitter. I have “tweeted” a message to just about every celebrity that I follow (and some that I don’t) as a test to see who if any would reply. To date, the most famous people to actually return one of my tweets (and in full disclosure – none of them follow me so they would actually have to read their @ folder to find them) have been syndicated columnist & humorist Dave Barry, best selling author Ridley Pearson and the female explorer from the band of bickering adventurers on Expedition Africa – Mireya Mayor. I’m not even sure if Kathy Griffin would use this group to start climbing up the social ladder. So I wonder, do celebrities ever answer people they don’t know ? It certainly doesn’t seem like it so why should we care what they are saying in this heavily one sided “conversation” ?

Now that brings up another point about Twitter that has bugged me while I have been delayed on a plane, train or automobile - which based on the amount I travel is a lot – and that is how many of those followers that everyone boasts bout having are real ? I know that out of my massive 121 followers I have at this moment, at least half of them (if not more) are twitbots and are only following me because I happened to type in a keyword or phrase that triggered them to click on follow. I also know that a good deal of those that do follow are also no longer actively using Twitter but never bothered to delete their profile. So I have maybe a handful of followers at best that actually read what I write so they must be even more bored than I am.

And with that, I am sure that I have bored you more than enough for today. I’ll post a link to this blog on Twitter in hopes that it will help vault me up the rankings (Currently # 272,155 overall and # 5,100 in NYC) but it won’t and I won’t care.

From behind the shades……swampy abides

Little Green Reflectors and an email test

2009-08-25T12:22:00.000-06:00

So I saw this note that you could email in your blogs to blogspot (like I haven't already been mailing them in for years anyway) and since I had some time to kill before my flight (Swampy is at the airport ? Will miracles never cease ?) I thought I would give it a try.

It is getting to be that time of year in my neck of the woods where the little green moving reflectors start to appear in mass numbers along the side of the road. On the drive from my house to the highway this morning I counted no less than 13 deer next to, walking down or crossing over the road and usually at a last moment's notice. Luckily I didn't have to eat my brakes this morning for any of them. I once had a big old rocky mountain deer actually jump over my car out in Wyoming but that is beside the point. As I was saying, that 13 doesn't even include the buck in my backyard that I surprised when I came out the side door or the 2 dead ones I saw by the side of the road. Look I know Bambi is cute and all but I absolutely abhor the creatures. They are foliage destroying, disease ridden, hazardous to your health long legged vermin.

And I think that this little classic clip sums it up best.....

http://m.youtube.com/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DBXCUBVS4kfQ&v=BXCUBVS4kfQ

From Behind The Shades in First Class (yes I got upgraded, care for a spare cashew ?) on Oceanic Flight 815...swampy abides

Killing time on a lazy summer afternoon

2009-08-21T13:13:00.000-06:00

I am pretty sure that it is pushing 90 degrees outside and that the humidity is in that range too so the mean streets of NYC are most likely sweaty, smelly & hot, yet I am sure it is still more appealing than spending the next 90 minutes here in my hole of an office at the paycheck factory. Of course I can't think of too many places that would be less appealing than my desk today especially since I have spent most of the day in a vain yet valiant attempt to avoid all semblance of work.

I have to jump on yet another airplane next week. I have flown more this year than I have in any other year since 2000 and let me tell you, the once glamorous life on the road is that no longer. There once was a time when people dressed up to get on airplane but no more. You get people in all states of disarray and some in what might even pass for their pajamas. Don't even get me started on the people who insist on taking off their shoes. There once was a time when people checked their luggage and the boarding of a plane was quick & easy but no more. Now due to the incessant gouging by the airlines for checking luggage ($15 for the 1st bag, $25 for the 2nd - more $$$ for oberweight or oversized) everyone is bringing on every piece of luggage they can wrangle no matter what the size. I swear people are jamming their children & their livestock into some of these bags and then they get pissed when they don't fit in the overhead or when there isn't any room and they have to gate check it thus making us late for our pushback so we miss our slot for takeoff and get to spend the next 45 minutes at # 32 in line.

I need to stop thinking about flying - I am getting more agitated and my usually pathetic typing is getting even worse. I will rant some more from the road on Tuesday night.

Toques off to Chef Rick Bayless for winning the inaugural "Top Chef Masters". If you didn't want some kickass mexican food (and no I am not talking chalupas from taco bell) after he was done than something is very wrong with you. I bet Rick would destroy Bobby Flay now if they had a Iron Chef America rematch (Bobby beat Rick in 2005 in Battle Bison).

Speaking of Iron Chef for a moment - the chairman is going to be on Dancing With The Stars this fall - as if Kathy Ireland wasn't enough of a reason for me to watch already.

and now back to Top Chef Las Vegas - at first glance it would seem to be not a bad collection of cheftestants. I like the chick from Philly that makes boys cry and I am pretty sure that I have eaten at the Woodfire Grill in Atlanta where the leprechaun that won the elimination challenge works. I am a bit surprised at the number & complexity of the tattoos on the cheftestants but I wasn't surprised in the least that the Chile Relleno stuffed with dirt (or whatever it was) was the losing dish. Wolfgang Puck was a GREAT guest judge and I almost fell off the couch when he threw the bacon donut across the room.

Speaking of relity shows on Bravo, Project runway came back last night but now it's on Lifetime. Heidi Klum is still not of this world, Tim Gunn would still lose a fight to isaac Mizrahi and nobody still cares about Nina & Michael. that being said, I look forward to catching a repeat this weekend just to see what kind of hot messes they dug up.

No comment on real Housewives of Atlanta other than they have to be really ashamed of themselves in the Peach State.

Speaking of fruit, I picked up some Sweet Cherry Syrup & some Blackberry Grilling Sauce while I was in Spokane earlier this week and I also got some Marionberry Vinaigrette & some Marionberry Pepper Jelly while I passed through Portland. (Marionberry is a fruit ? I thought it was a crack addicted, ho banging, washed up politico) I can't wait to cook with all of them. It also brought the number of spices, sauces & whatnot up to 162 on my shelves in the kitchen.

Speaking of food, I went to go visit the candy machine from the 6th Circle of Hell earlier today and it is still a huge disappointment. One chocolate bar and it was a Mounds.

The sky was blue when I started typing and now it is turning black - no it didn't take me that long to type - the predicted thunder & lightning storms are coming in just in time for me to start to head for the train. Oh Happy Happy Joy Joy. (was that Ren & Stimpy ?) Oh and speaking of old TV shows, Hulu has added Season 5 of Moonlighting. Why ? The show was crap by then. I want Season 1 & 2 or no seasons at all. I want to see Bruce Willis with real hair.

Well I have wasted enough of your time & mine. No refunds without the proper forms filled out in triplicate. The gators are on summer vacation but I expect them all back after Labor Day so those of you that did somehow manage to stop by accidentally or on purpose can say & do as you please without any repercussions.

and that's the view for now from Behind The Shades....swampy abides

(trying out new endings since someone else beat me to my old blog title)

2009-08-19T12:15:00.000-06:00

It has been so long since I last set pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard as the case may be) that I am not sure where to start, what to say or how to say it. I am actually at a loss for words which considering my historical propensity for verbosity is actually quite humorous & telling at the same time. It does figure that I am currently at 38,000 feet while trying to sort all of the things out in the mess that is my head. I can gaze out the window at the passing landscape but I am too detached from it all to be able to focus on any one particular thing long enough to know or pretty much care what it is in reality. I can only give it a passing thought and move on. It is there for a brief instant and then it is behind me & forgotten. Much like this airplane though, I do have one singular goal and that is to get to my final destination so I can just go home. It really is too bad that my ruby slippers are in my other suitcase.

(Julia Roberts flick being shown on the plane – don’t look up)

In the time that I have been not writing (because to be honest, 140 characters at a shot is not writing) a lot things have changed and also stayed the same. President Obama has started to turn on the very same media that elected him. MSNBC still doesn’t use the right side of the TV screen and Fox News still doesn’t use the left. CNN is still somewhere to the left of center but even they can’t make up their minds as to where they want to be. LOST ended it’s penultimate season with a Jughead inspired reset (perhaps) but still didn’t answer the questions of Jacob, the 4 toed statue, the 2nd plane crash or the 2 Lockes. Paula Abdul left American Idol (maybe), Michael Vick returned to the NFL (woof) and now Brett Favre has unretired again (conveniently once the two a day practices have ended) but this time he is wearing Purple & Gold instead of Green & Gold or Green & White. All I really know is that the Black & Blue just got a lot more interesting. Someone won the Stanley Cup (intentionally blocking) but I can’t tell you who it was. Someone won the NBA Title and I can’t tell you who because I don’t care. I think the Yankees are in first, pain & suffering have returned to the Fenway Faithful and the Mets really suck. Some celebs hooked up & got nekkid somewhere. Alyssa Milano seems to be trying real hard to be the “Walter Cronkite of Twitter" and Ashton Kutcher spouts lame platitudes to his 2m+ followers in the name of his “teacher”. Sarah Palin actually quit the day job so many people told her not to quit last year. The Hangover was the first no kids movie I deemed worthy of spending $100+ to see. I met 2 authors that I have always admired from afar and realized how far out of their league I really am. My garden went to hell as soon as I left for my longest vacation since my honeymoon and after 15 years of marriage, it was great to get that unexpected second honeymoon even if the kids were with us.

So I guess what I am trying to say in a mostly incomprehensible collection of misguided missives and transient thoughts is that it’s nice to get a second chance at writing again for a third or fourth time. I wasted my English major in college and have done irreparable harm to it in the ensuing years but like a Phoenix named Fawkes, it has arisen again. Who knows what or where it may strike next but keep your eyes & ears on this space and I may just surprise you. I know I may have surprised or disappointed myself.

From behind the shades, swampy abides……

2009-03-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

The things you come across when you are bored on a Friday....

I had almost forgotten about this blogspot but I decided to start looking for it when more and more of my blogging friends over at myspace started jumping ship to head here or to the satanic cult that is Facebook. Guess I should come back here more often.....

of course I am going on vacation for a week starting on Sunday so don't expect any blogs for a while....

maybe I will just cross post like I did for a few days back in June of 2007....

of course you could also go back to my very first blog from 2004 but then you will see that I had nothing original to say back then either.....

be that as it may, I shall return and in the meantime, go look me up on myspace and see what you are sure to be missing in the days, weeks & months to come.....

2007-06-13T11:37:00.001-06:00

"They told me there were animals in the back but they didn't tell me there was a fox."

Current mood: working Category: Blogging

Yes that was an actual line used on the Deadliest Catch at the trade by some old dude who wanted a stress ball for his grandchildren. I was so jealous that I hadn't thought of that one first...

By 4pm on Monday afternoon, even juggling our bright blue stress balls was not enough to get more than a casual glance from the "shoppers" at the Trade Show. You needed to have something unique at that point or some good candy. We had nothing but sore feet and forced smiles. I hate these trade shows because I invariably run into people I haven't seen for a long time (for a reason) but I did come away with a leather coaster, a couple funky pens for the kids, a small fire extinguisher and a back scratcher for my wife.

And if I may digress for just a second, I just found out that Mrs. Swampy plans on keeping the backscratcher in the kitchen so she doesn't have to use my fork anymore when she has an itch. Ah the joys of married life…….

I'm on a conference call right now,already did my spiel and now I am just listening to the rest of the country WHINE !!!!! May I suggest a nice piece of Brie or Camembert to go with that WHINE !!!

Back to a trade show related subject, you have to love the Stage Deli and their "celebrity" platters & sandwiches. I ordered a James Brown just because I could but what a turkey, pastrami & swiss on rye has to do with the Godfather of Soul is beyond me. The most appropriately named dish was the "Richard Simmons Tropical Fruit Plate" – I was actually stunned that they would be that "controversial" in their namings…..

Looks like the NYC strip clubs may have finally identified a new target market (and one I have long thought they shouldn't ignore) – they have started handing out free passes to the crowd going into the New York Liberty (WNBA) games. Lesbians like lap dances too, don't they ?

Top Chef 3 – Miami starts tonight with a 75 minute premier – don't miss it

On a 2nd viewing of the Sopranos Finale last night with Mrs. Swampy (she hated it), I am even more convinced than I was before that Tony is alive and that he was not whacked by Members Only coming out of the bathroom. David Chase in his only post finale interview (in the Star Ledger – Tony's paper) certainly implied that Tony didn't die. I can still ssee a movie in about 5 years when James Gandolfini discovers that the American public can't get past seeing him in any role other than Tony Soprano (and that is why his career has tanked) begging David Chase to bring them all back for one final shot. Then maybe Tony gets whacked.

And as much as I have always hated Journey, great song to end the series.

Back to AC for just a second if I may and it is my blog so I think I may, went to play Roulette with the Deadliest Catch after dinner on Sunday night and lost $100 faster than you could even imagine. Went back up to my room, changed out of my convention clothes and put on more typical swamp attire - dirty shorts, old beat up t-shirt, sunglasses & a baseball cap - and went back down to the roulette table again. ne hour later swampy had won back my $100 and swampy had also won me an additional $200 (though Mrs. Swampy only found out about half of that.....)

The US Open starts tomorrow and they have a 288 yard Par 3 on the 8th hole. Say what ? I can't wait to see who goes for it. There really is something fundamentally wrong about using a driver on a Par 3 but…….

I grew up thinking I was a Presbyterian but thanks to Levi, I now know that I am really a Black Jew

With all the songs I hate on my iPod, it's nice to know that sometimes my shuffle button gets it right. What day can't start out better when you get "Joy" from Elvin Bishop's "Raisin' Hell" album following Peter Tosh's version of "Johnny B. Goode".

Dug an ingrown toenail out of my big left toe last night – at least I can walk now – maybe I need to go here for a pedicure……

For all of you LOST fanatics out there who are feeling their Wednesday jones coming on – if you haven't checked out B.Quain's LOST Blog today, you must. Great LOST related honeymoon stories and a classic YouTube clip.

So the conference call is ending and it is time for me to go get some Ptomaine & Salmonella on a Roll from Sick Charlie's for lunch. Blockheads tomorrow….maybe

I am sure that I forgot a ton of stuff I meant to write about and will remember again onc I'm done but that just means more for Friday

Quietly laughing at the NBA for their powerhouse finals of San Antonio & Cleveland….swampy abides…..

Currently listening : The Toughest By Peter Tosh Release date: By 25 October, 1990

2007-06-11T11:38:00.000-06:00

My Hole-in-One turns 12 today.

Current mood: happy Category: Blogging

June 11, 1995 - Skillman, NJ
It was a beautiful June day and 7 of us had headed for the bedens brook Country Club and their very challenging 18 carved out of fields and woods. My older golfaholic brother was in the lead foursome and i was playing with the swampdad & the swampsis. it was also the day of the annual pool party at the swamprents so we had to play quickly. one other note to the day was that the swampsis had just graduated from med school so it was a double celebration. My game had been nothing special for some time but at least i was familiar with the track so I would be able to fight my way around in something probably close to a 95. It was hot but the humdity that so often begins to accompany the weather in June had not yet kicked in but there was no wind to speak of and I knew that by the time we marched uphill to the 18th green, my shirt would be soaked through.
I was playing Wilson Ultra's mainly because they were free from work and no one else would use them. I have always been notoriously cheap about the type of balls I use and it wasn't until last year that I started to use a premium ball. I am sure that it really is nothing more than psychological but I am scoring better since I made the switch. The first hole is straightaway Par 4 next to the golf house and the clubhouse. Very Intinimadating. If you hook it about 100 yards out, you could be seeing people diving out of the way at the driving range. I always hope for at least 200 straight out so I never swing to hard. Back in 1995 though, I was a stupid golfer who relied on raw power and felt that I could stop a ball on the green exactly next to the flag no matter how long and iron shot it was. Well i can't remember where my tee shot went or if I was long or short of the green on my 2nd shot, most likely long since i would have tried to muscle it to the green, but I do know that I was on in 3 and 3 putted. I have never been a very good putter. I have no touch and I have a bad eye. I come up short quite a bit but my putting finally has gotten a little better of late. It couldn't be any worse than the round I played in the mid 80's at Arrowhead in Colorado where I shot a 97 with 53 Putts !!! I 3 putted all but one green !!! Pathetic but that meant that I stepped up to the tee box on the 2nd hole already 2 over and kind of pissed.
The 2nd hole is a slightly downhill 138 Par 3 with a twisting brook running along the right side of the green, not much room on that side and the grass sloped down to the water, and overhanging trees to the left of the green. the pin was set middle left so any shot would have to hug the trees or would have to hit a tree & ricochet onto the green. I hate Par 3's so i fully expected to be in the rough, water or sand but certainly not the green. I do think that a strong part of my game has always been fairly solid between 75-150yds out (rough more so than fairway) but put me on a tee box and I yank it every which direction.
so with all that in mind, I stepped up to the tee box to lead our group off. I set the tee low & deep and placed the ball lightly on it. I straightened up, licked my left palm (nervous habit) and gripped my 8 iron. I took one practice swing and took a small divot (Don't do that I think). I step up to the ball with the ball just slightly off the front of my left foot. I give the club a little pre-sergio waggle and raise my self up & down ever so slightly on my toes. I pulled back and felt the swing as the club made what felt like clean contact with the ball. I lifted my head after the follow through and caught sight of the ball in what looked like a bee line for the cup. I knew if would probably land a good 15' past the pin but i didn't care, it felt good. It began to look really good too. It steadily picked up speed as it streaked downward toward the green. It hit and with a short almost unnoticeable bounce the ball was in the cup. The swampdad started yelling "Did you see that !!!" and dancing around the tee box. The swampsis was stunned and I was trying to quiet dad because there were people putting on the 1st green. when we got to the green i saw that the ball had landed at the edge of the cup and collapsed a good chunk of the side. It was an unforgettable shot.
Now most people save their hole in one balls for psterity's sake. I drove mine into the pond in # 3 never to be seen again with my very next swing of the club.
Non-golfers who have gotten this far probably can't understand what the big deal is about a hole-in-one. it's hard to explain. it is in most cases, the most perfect shot you could hit at that moment. it's been 12 years and I have only hit the green 3 times since. It's a mental bloc now. I keep expecting to do it again.
So happy 12th birthday hole-in-one, I wish you had some siblings. I hope it hasn't been to hard on you being an only child.
quietly waiting for that next perfect shot....swampy abides....

Currently listening : Tin Cup: Music From The Motion Picture By Various Artists Release date: By 30 July, 1996

2007-06-11T00:42:00.001-06:00

So I drove down to Atlantic City today in order to take part in an industry trade show. Which of course meant that somewhere around mile marker 105 on the Garden State Parkway, my inner jersey boy comes to the fore and I pop in my Bruce Springsteen mix. In most instances I can’t help but pop in “Incident on 57th street” & “Rosalita”, as these two songs really can’t be played without each other. Though I do have them both in my ipod shuffle, it really is a surprise when I am listening to the final piano solo that leads into the killing sax explosion of the opening notes of “Rosalita” and suddenly have one of my wife’s power hair band love ballads come on instead. And those two songs best display Bruce’s early ability, in fact I would argue that “The Wild & The Innocent & the Estreet Shuffle” is the most complete Bruce album of his whole repertoire. It showcased the mastery of the piano solo, the raw power of the driving electric guitar, the lightness of the acoustic, the use of Bruce’s vocals as an strument and most of the incredible sax of Clarence Clemons. That sax is what helped to set Bruce apart at the time . And there was a time that it could almost be argued that Clarence was almost a bigger star than Bruce himself but as his solo album showed & Bruce’s career showed, Bruce could make it without Clarence but Clarence could not make it without Bruce but how the hell did I get all the way to here from trying to decide where to start on my bruce disc this trip ? Well another recent choice had been the long time favorite “10th Avenue Freeze Out”, a song that I always found to be far superior to the more commercial & mainstream “Born to Run”. But today I picked “Jungleland”. I do believe that this was the first time that I had ever picked “Jungleland” and I was not disappointed because I had mentioned earlier, this 9 ½ minute song, this is a song that uses all of the elements of Bruce’s early career but mostly the straining groaning wails at the end that could have been played by a sax but had a certain raw primitive feel to them that fit the title subject. I usually don’t think so deeply about Bruce but the traffic was flowing, as opposed to the Northbound side that looked like it was at a dead stop.

Did finally get here and met up with the Deadliest Catch at the Trade Show. We smiled, answered dumb questions and gave away pens & stress balls. I grabbed a couple of stress balls myself and I did get my free hot dog & indigestion. More of the same tomorrow with a rubber chicken lunch thrown in. I did get one little cool handout and I will have to go get 2 more tomorrow.

Lost $20 in the Wheel of Fortune quarter slots but it was fun having it hit on spin the wheel every so often – obviously not often enough for me since I lost. And as for not having something come up, I only hit once on $100 playing $2 bets on the $10 roulette table. I think I may go back in a few minutes because I can feel the luck that I didn’t before.

Maybe some of Tony Soprano’s luck perhaps. If you didn’t watch earlier tonight than don’t read again until I tell you too. ***SPOILER ALERT*** The WTF moment was the hit of Phil Leotardo by Tony’s B-team henchmen, A tremendous pop by the way in my opinion and one of the great WTF Hits in the Soprano’s season history. AJ is a waste of a character but a series could be built around Meadow working in the court system having to fight the prejudice of her name. Props to Agent Harris for stepping up to the plate both in the sack, that agent was way too hot for balding anti-terrorism dudes with no real agency future but you have to love Hollywood because it is only there that these writers can live their fantasies vicariously through the characters they create. Janice & Junior ride off their separate ways. Janice in her search for $$$ or someone to support her. Junior into further dementia. Or was he crazy ?The final scene was so overt in it’s red herrings that you had to know that nothing was going to happen and that life goes on. Thought the cable had gone out but then I realized the final 2 words of the song were “Don’t Stop” and the credits rolled. I have zero complaints. None. I liked the ending. I can’t wait to watch with Mrs. Swampy for her opinions and does she ever have them. ****OKAY TO READ AGAIN****

Gatorade Citrus Cooler & Mango Electrico are the 2 best flavors they make outside of Lemonade. Made sure that I was pounding the gate while I was working this weekend.

More later on the special anniversary coming up in SwampyWorld.

Quietly waiting for KC & The Sunshine Band on July 13 & 14…..swampy abides

2007-06-08T14:08:00.000-06:00

Bikini Clad Babes Wielding Bananas & Paris Hilton Goes Back 2 Jail !!! Current mood: excited Category: Blogging

It's a Fridy quickie and don't we all like those......

Let's start with the latest breaking news of the day. Our streets are safe again for our children as Paris Hilton has been ordered back to jail to serve out her entire 45 day sentence. She was taken screaming from the court – "It's not fair !!!!" Too bad sweetheart. Hope they toss you into the general population now.

And now for the story that should have led today's Friday blog – For the 2nd morning in a row, Bikini Clad Bimbos were handing out bananas to commuters in hopes that you would get a "Bikini Body" at iO Cable Digital Channel 502 Lifeskool TV. I missed yesterday morning (significantly cooler too) because they weren't ready ay 7:25am when I emerged from Penn Station onto 7th ave but they were there this morning. The young lady I got my banana from was actually quite attractive but I had a look on her face that said "I haven't had to grab this many bananas this fast since we all fell into Jimmy's pool at a party in the Hamptons last summer". I also got a free USA Today but skipped the free AM NY that Puddle Man tried to force on me. NOT ! Now if I can only score some free popcorn from Gardetto's on the ride home…..

Had lunch at Blockheads on 3rd Ave today. Awesome jerk chicken burrito. They also invite you to email them and comment on the music they play in the restaurant. I could have sworn that I heard Tom Jones singing "Burning Down the House by the Talking Heads" so I emailed them from my table. Had an answer minutes later – It was Tom Jones & The Cardigans – hello iTunes !!!

Another big bonus was the young lady in the red & white striped dress that "Sharon Stoned" me 3 times while she waited for her loser date to show up. Yes my darling, I white lace thong really worked for you. Thank you darling.

Why would anyone eat Pig Snout ? And why would anyone order Pig Snout ? Only one person I know can answer that question for us and he will probably comment about how he smoked the Pig Snout too.

Many new faces leaving blog comments thanks to my mediocre appearance in Blogger Bowl II – Bakes on the other hand seems to be the Flavor of the Month – you go Bakes !!!

Jeff Bridges brings back "The Dude" for "Surf's Up" – a most excellent reason to take the kids to see yet another animated penguin movie.

Still 3rd rate candy in the vending machine but it is bound to better than whatever Paris is hopefully being force fed in jail !!!

Quietly trying to make it through the rest of the day without answering my phone because that is the reason that God invented voice mail….swampy abides…..

Currently listening : Burning Down the HouseBy Tom JonesRelease date: By 05 October, 1999

2007-06-07T14:11:00.001-06:00

Cake in the kitchen, The Sopranos & which Springsteen song to play as I pass Asbury Park Current mood: working Category: Blogging
Today's blog is allegedly sponsored in part by Jumex Mango! - the official drink of the 39th Street Mujera de las Tamales and the front steps of the Williams Club.

I have over 1900 songs on my iPod and I can't begin to tell you how many of them I can't stand & totally suck. And I am not just talking about the collection of Mrs. Swampy's Power Hair Band Love Ballads from the 80's either. I really need to start deleting and now.

As a Hockey Purist, I hated seeing the Anaheim Ducks win the STANLEY CUP last night. As a Hockey Fan, I loved seeing the presentation of the CUP. No trophy means more to the players & the fans alike. Nothing however will ever top 1994.

WTF !!! Paris Hilton is out of jail for medical reasons ? What, they didn't want the other inmates getting crabs ? How soon before some designer comes up with high fashion cover for her ankle bracelet ?

4am TV has been brutal since the end of the regular season but Top Chef started with an all-star challenge last night – guess I will have to watch that one tomorrow since I was a lazy bastard again this morning and slept through my alarm again too.

Hammy was seriously old school in the final panel of Over The Hedge this morning. I have said it before, he gets the best throwaway lines of any character on the comics pages.

And speaking of the comics page – would someone please put me out of my misery and kill Diesel Sweeties ? Consistently unfunny but like a wreck on the side of the road, I have to slow down & look……

I was reminded elsewhere (thanks !113}l) about what great movies both True Grit & Rooster Cogburn were – you should also read her blogs - anyone who syncs up the theme from Sanford & Son with her blog is more than alright by me.

If I had had a broom handle or a large stick in my hand yesterday on my walk home, I would have stuck it in the spokes of the pedal cab that decided red lights don't apply – I hate pedal cabs and suitcases on rollers but that is for another blog - the long awaited "2+ hour commute home from hell" blog – I will also address the poor AM New York guy who hands out papers in the AM & PM who feels that commuting makes people mean and that we treat him like a puddle. I may step in puddles but I step around him. From this day forward though, he will be known as Puddle Man – they put his pic in the paper too.

Cake in the kitchen again ? But I just got done with the BIG cookie from Sick Charlie's. So much for my girlish figure this month.

As the date for Harry Potter 7 gets closer & closer, I am starting to hear more & more spoilers – I am only 300 pages into Book 5 so I either need to close my eyes & ears or read faster. Swamprat # 1 has made it quite clear that the answer is read faster.

Still no offers on the house but at least there have been a few more showings – still hurt to write that 2nd mortgage check – felt like I was using Professor Umbridge's special quill.

The Sopranos – Final Episode this Sunday Night – what will happen ? My theory right now (and you can just spin the wheel to get about 10 more from me any time) is that Janice will whack Tony and she & Uncle Junior will close out the series sipping drinks on the porch of Bobby's lake cabin in the Adirondacks. Phil respects Uncle Junior and the old ways & traditions of the mob and Janice is the closest thing they have to Livia left on the show. Now tell me I'm wrong and tell me what you think is going to happen.

Chai Tea Lattes in the afternoon are good but by the time I get to my train parking lot, I'm walking cross-legged. I know – too much info – I also can't help myself but even though I know the orange mocha cappuccinos suck, I still grab the free samples they have out.

I'll be "Hopping Mad" if I don't break double digits in the Blogger Bowl.

Actually, I won't……

I have always listened to "Incident on 57th Street" & "Rosalita" every time I have passed the first Asbury Park exit on the Garden State Parkway but this time I am thinking "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out"

Would someone just please drive a stake into the heart of the Yankees – I can't bear to hear any more about their chances for catching the Bosox & the wildcard.

Back to an old favorite - The Wedding Café NY - for just a minute. This is an actual excerpt from their website – "At Wedding Cafe NY, there are no salespeople to avoid, just a warm and inviting atmosphere where you can enjoy yourself preparing the beautiful wedding you've always imagined." – no crap – there is NEVER anyone in there so how could anyone ever feel pressured ? It's June for god sake – shouldn't there be someone in there ?

Quietly hoping I can get a halfway normal person in the seat next to me on the train tonight……swampy abides……
Currently watching : Sanford and Son - The First Season Release date: By 06 August, 2002

2007-06-05T14:44:00.000-06:00

Elvis parked next to me at the train station today & an anniversary is fast approaching.... Current mood: working Category: Blogging

Paris Hilton – Inmate # 9818783

She will emerge a "bigger" star than before and will sell interviews & articles to the media left & right. I would not be surprised to find a journalist willingly getting a record to be in the same lock up with her. I have even already heard that her Day 1 orange prison jumpsuit is on E-Bay. What's next ? The soap she used in her first shower ? American needs to say enough is enough. I promise (like a politician) that this will be my last mention of Paris while she is incarcerated.

Well maybe this will be the last item, I said it before but she really should release a version of "Jailhouse Rock" when she gets out.

I tried to drop a picture into a comment earlier today and screwed it up bigtime – sorry Levi – I just need to remember that when it comes to technology, I am all about sticks & rocks. At least I learned how to html some links.

With all of the legal problems that Michael Vick seems to be having, it looks like Falcons fans are going to have to get ready to embrace the "Joey Harrington Era". Bet you dirty bird fans never thought that you would be missing Matt Schaub.

Crawfish Fest was hot & humid on Sunday but the food & music were hotter. Always a good time in the middle of nowhere NJ.

Is the kid from "Two and a Half Men" really supposed to be Jimmy Osmond ? They certainly look a lot alike. And 50 years in show business ? Is that what I heard about the Osmonds ? Scary.

Played golf yesterday at the home of the 2006 PGA Championship – Baltusrol Country Club. For those of you who don't know, this is one of the all time great golf courses and a very stuffy & pretentious club. They would never let me join as a member but they did let me play as a guest in an outing yesterday. Now I won't bore you with all of the details of my round but I will tell you that for only the 2nd time in my golfing life, I played the whole round with the same ball. Never stuck it in the woods, never stuck it right in the "Old Lumber Yard", never lost it in the long grass. I still hit it too many times and I missed all of my birdie putts & 2 of my par putts. Guess I should have believed the reads my caddy was giving me but his first few reads sucked and I took too long to realize that he wasn't jacking me on the back nine and I should have believed him. I am also still way too much in love with my 60 degree lob wedge, I am hitting shorter with my approach irons than last year and my 4 iron seems to have forgiven me for my fling last summer with my Taylor Made Rescue Clubs. More to come as the golf season progresses…….

Blogger Bowl II starts tomorrow and I can't find the link to vote for me anymore – oh well – so much for my shameless plug.

Headed to AC with the Deadliest Catch to work a trade show Sunday & Monday – look for reports from the casino floor…….

I saw that Sam Adams, former Cincinnati Bengal, signed with the Denver Broncos this weekend. Do you think the Broncos & Bengals have a reciprocal arrangement worked out with their respective probation officers so players that move between the 2 teams can keep their current parole officers ? Makes sense to me.

Saw "The World's Fastest Indian" the other night on DVD – I can see why Levi likes it so much – my neighbor has the last Indian made and you can really hear it when he cranks it up.

In light of my Jan 28 2004 blog re-emerging the other night, I actually went back in time and did find my first "10 Things I Think I Thunk" email that got sent out to a select few unfortunate readers – it was from January 2002 – some night when I am bored you may get to see it again too.

"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia !!!" – I think that accurately describes my 2 eldest swamprats relationship.

I know it is not just me but many Rangers fans are going to have a hard time cheering for Scott Gomez if he signs with the Blueshirts. And in another hockey note, the Anaheim Ducks are just one win away from the CUP – the horror. I wonder if Emilio Estevez will start wandering around DisneyWorld dressed as Gordon Bombay in hopes of having people stop him for autographs & pictures like they do Captain Jack Sparrow.

Elvis parked next to me at the train station this morning. I don't know about you but it always makes me feel better to know that the King is on my train – uh huh huh, huh, yeahhhhhhhh, I'm all shook up……..

And finally, a very special anniversary is coming up in SwampyWorld soon – make sure to check back here often for updates. (spoken like the true page view whore that I am)

Quietly hoping you won't notice the 2006 mechanical bull pics in my profile………swampy abides………

Currently listening : Jailhouse Rock By Elvis Presley Release date: By 18 January, 2005

2007-06-01T14:54:00.001-06:00

Let's start right out with what I felt was the biggest story of the day both last night & this morning. What was a Canadian doing in the finals of the National SPELLING Bee ? No offense to our neighbors to the north but they seem to bristle a lot when they are referred to as the 51st state so why were they in the National Spelling Bee ? I am glad the kid from California won. I used to live 2 towns down from him when I lived out there.

When are they going to get rid of the crappy French Roast swill and bring back the Extra Bold Sumatra blend for our office coffee machine ? And when are they going to quit stocking the vending machine with 2nd rate candy & snacks. I know I could walk a block to go get something good but I am too lazy for that so this afternoon I am stuck with a Butterfinger Crisp bar.

Does anyone care about the French Open ? Does it actually get less respect than the Australian Open ?

"Gimme 3 Steps' came up on my iPod shuffle as I walked out of Penn Station this morning. Great song but it probably would have been a better fit for when I walked out of the building tonight.

Only 16 days until Father's Day. I use Taylor Made Red golf balls in case anyone didn't know what to get me.

On the work front, some real pieces of dog crap have been coming in the door recently. I can't pooper scooper them out fast enough.

Maybe it's just me but how can anyone fall asleep in a Starbucks ?

I like Joe Scarborough on "Scarborough Country" but "Morning Joe" on the radio & MSNBC the last 2 days was even better. He's a lot looser and more free form. Best substitute host for IMUS yet on WFAN.

I use voices when I read chapter books to my kids – there is one voice from Home Office that when the kids hear it, they know it means pure evil…..

Babysitter cancelled for tomorrow night – I may not get to ride the mechanical bull. But if it rains, she can babysit. Teenagers……

On the real estate front I started paying 2 mortgages today….MAKE ME AN OFFER !!!!

LeBron scores 25 straight points to win Game 5 in Detroit – 25 straight ? Is he this year's Dwyane Wade ? Have I ever been more wrong in all of my NBA Playoff Predictions ? Do I actually care ? Nope…..

I entered "Blogger Bowl II" for some dumb reason – oh yeah, I was bored. Then I entered Bakes in the same category. 2nd place looks pretty good.

Still haven't seen anyone in the Wedding Café on 38th but now that it is June, maybe I will.

I missed the Asian Internet Access for $1 Lady on 5th yesterday and now that she is wearing her summer "I clash with everything" wardrobe, that is hard to do.

Playing golf on Monday at Baltusrol. They would stop me at the gates if they only knew. Get ready for a stroke by stroke blog on Tuesday if I play well. Just don't hold your breath waiting too long…….

Quietly wondering if it football season yet because I really do hate baseball….swampy abides

2007-05-31T09:53:00.001-06:00

So here it is 9:58pm on a Wednesday night, I am sitting on the couch next to Mrs. Swampy who is sewing a Betsy Ross dress for the eldest swamprat's oral in character book report and automatically I reach for the remote and change the channel to ABC and listen for the words "Previously on LOST". I keep listening and keep listening, knowing deep down in my conscious that I am not going to hear them but still hoping that maybe the whack on the head I got from the old bitty's purse on the train had sent me into Desmond's parallel universe or timeline. Instead some show called Traveler continues into it's second hour. This is one of the 183 new summer series that TV Guide has touted on their latest cover (interview with Chollie inside) that I can tape or watch to kill time until TV comes back for real in the fall. So what's a guy to do ? I flipped over to the Discovery Channel and watched back to back episodes of "Cash Cab". I will be searching the streets of NYC for this bad boy and unlike a few of the idiots in his cab, I will win – though I do have to give mad props to the 2 idiots who rode to B&H Photo and jumped out of he Cash Cab with $900. I also have to give some props to the stoner who lost the whole $450 on the final question but was still pleased that he saved $13 on the cab fare. Dude !!!

Bet I lost a few kudos for the LOST reference from a few people but I don't care.......

Started Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix yesterday – that's #5 for those of you not counting at home. Excellent start. Movie comes out July 13.

Scrunchy the Gay Walrus has inconvenienced the person he has crammed himself across from in the facing 2 seaters on the train the last 2 days so badly that the people have jumped up in less than a minute and left their seat to stand for the next 30 minutes. His comment both times "Some people…." Too bad I won't be on the train tomorrow morning to see if he can go for 3 in a row.

The Legend of Stray-Rod grows as reports come in from several cities that his blonde ladyfriend has been a somewhat constant companion. I hope Mrs. Stray-Rod can say "Half" because half of $252M is, well, a lot.

Riding the mechanical bull for charity on Saturday night and chowing down on Crawfish on Sunday for myself – provided I don't kill myself on the Bull the night before.

The motor on the babyswing at the bottom of the dumpster is still churning away. Thought it was a critter of some kind when I went to throw some junk in last night.

The temperature keeps climbing and the clothes on the street keep falling off - sounds like a good day for lunch at Bryant Park.

and as this is the last day of National Burger Month - let's all pause a moment and pay tribute to Kate Stelnick the Patron Saint & Goddess of the Burger.

My fortune cookie told me to "Keep on keeping on". Advice I should heed methinks.

Quietly trying to get some business booked today while sucking down copious amounts of office swill since I slept through my alarm and missed my workout again today – lazy fat bastard that I am…….swampy keeps on abiding……

2007-05-29T14:00:00.000-06:00

The LOST Finale Blog

After a season with a slow painful arc in the fall & a false start in January (Jack's tattoos, the producers & writers of Lost finished strong and with a decisive bang this past Wednesday night. This will rank as one of the top shows, if not the top show, in the now 3 seasons of the show. The show has hit the halfway point in it's projected lifespan and it has really started to hit it's stride. But enough of my mindless drivel & opinions and let's get to the finale.

I actually said screw it and even though I had to be on the road early in the morning for the second day in row (I shouldn't complain about free golf now, should I ?), I stayed up to watch the finale live. I got to watch it again last night so I could see some of the tells that led to the final climatic scenes. So today we get a mix of what I thought, what we know and Mrs. Swampy's insights too. Trust me I needed a second pair of eyes for this one.
Previously on LOST – god I love to hear those words. There is a certain urgency to the way they are so matter of factly said. We know all this stuff so let's get to the real thing. We see a hand on a cocktail that looks to me like scotch at first but is most likely tequila as we see in the penultimate scene some 2 hours from now. It belongs to bearded drunken Jack – Osama Bin Jack ? Looks like him – and it looks like he is on an Oceanic flight. He's sitting up in first class and he has no one in the seat next to him. I find that hard to believe but that is the poetic license Hollywood is allowed. He wants more to drink and is told no. They are landing in 20 minutes. 20 minutes is a long time he says. Jack, I would have been happy if we had only had to sit through 20 minutes of the story of your tattoos, which is 20 minutes more than was needed for it too. He is given a newspaper instead. I don't have screen cap capability or TIVO so I am straining to catch the headline but it is not the headline that he is ultimately interested in after the short lot of turbulence. Turbulence ? Oceanic ? Spin off ? He tears out a small corner article. Could it be his ex-wife's wedding announcement ? It's a little small and I don't see a picture but we can't read it either. We next see Jack behind the wheel of a car and he is topping on a bridge. Where the hell is there a bridge in LA ? He calls a phone number and begins to leave a message but he hangs up midway through. I can't help but think at the time that he is calling his ex-wife, he really needs to let go of her. After a dusty moment of deep reflection, he climbs out of the car and onto the bridge railing. It's a bridge over the LA Viaduct system and believe it or not, no one is filming a video or movie down below, Mrs. Swampy is flipping out despite the fact that we know that Jack isn't going to jump. We hear tires squeal, lights shake and the sound of bad crash. Nice Jack. You parked on the side of the road and now someone has crashed into your car. A child screams for Mommy and Jack turns slowly toward them before moving to help. I want to stay with Jack's flashback here but it's important that we follow this time and go back to the island.

The beach is packing and the losataways are getting ready to go. Jack miles at Kate as he walks by. After her visual exchange with Jack, she looks across the camp to a packing Sawyer. Is that a look of concern or regret in her eyes as she looks at him. This is the sneak peek scene that those of us who couldn't wait saw online – yes I said I wouldn't but I did, shoot me. Jack & Sayid discuss the shooters – Bernard & Jin – excellent shots. Sayid tells Jack not to come back. That he is willing to give his life for the rescue of his friends. Jack gives him his word. Bernard is checking his rifle when Rose makes him say it again, "I am a dentist. Not Rambo." – you just have to know that Bernard was brought back to die because of the promised body count. Is Sun actually showing ? Jack rallies the troops and the lostaways head off down the beach. It's Moses leading his tribe across the sands and the writers agree with me as we see in a scene later on.

LOST

When we come back we are still with the Lostaways as they continue their way down the shoreline. Naomi checks in with Jack (calling him Moses, thank you very much) about the workings of the Sat Phone. This phone still bugs the crap out of me as I am pretty sure that a Sat phone of this nature was hardly available in late 2004 now early 2005 – have the lostaways passed Christmas Day yet ? Wouldn't someone have mentioned it somewhere ? Someone's watch has to be day/date. Nitpicking, I know. Whatever. Naomi doesn't trust Juliet because no one else in the camp trusts her either. The light on the phone is still flashing red but it will turn green when the rock star finishes his task.

So what has happened to Chollie since we last saw him getting covered by 2 paramilitary babes with guns down in the Looking Glass. And that is where we find his still only now he is tied to chair and getting the snot smacked out of him by the light haired one. I speculated last week that these women were Ben's secret escape babes but it appears that secret is only half right. Chollie lets them know that it was Juliet who told them about the hatch and that she is one of us. Still don't know about that one Chollie but it gets the desired effect and the decision is made to call Ben. They are Ben's secret – much back patting going on by myself on the couch. Chollie see the blinking yellow light and has his own mini-flashback to Desmond's prediction. They radio up to Ben in his tent and he is shocked to hear from them. He shocks even more people when he takes the radio outside and allows Richard & Mikhail to overhear his conversation. He has to admit to Mikhail that he lied (another chink in Ben's armor) as he sends him to the NOT FLOODED Looking Glass hatch. Ben then tries to raise the invading party at the beach but the radios are off. Tents are marked, The shooters are in place and the Others move in. The deception is found and Sayid & Bernard pull their triggers and blow the dynamite. Jin with his handgun misses 2 shots before he has to drill 2 of the others. Ryan finally catches him. Bernard makes a break for but is close lined by Tom. Rambo would have killed Tom so Bernard was right. Sayid is forced to drop his rifle and the shooters have all been caught. We move to the ridge and Rose is in Jack's face. There were supposed to be 3 explosions. Jack looks puzzled and worried as the lostaways press him. He begins to make a speech but Rose comes back with the line of the night "Jack if you say Live Together Die Alone to me, I am going to punch you in the face." Go Rose. Lay that smack on Jack. The tribe follows Jack.

It's back to Osama Bin Jack getting stitched up. Nice cut on his forehead. Jack's ex walks in – she is massively pregnant and Mrs. Swampy thinks she is ugly. I remind her that all pregnant women are beautiful in their own way. I believe that STUFF IT is a suitable family style substitute for her response to me. J She asks Jack if he has been drinking and he wants to know why she was down here. She's still his emergency contact and she wants to know why he was out at 2am. Hey wait a minute, when is this in the timeline that she is pregnant before the crash ? An early tell perhaps on the payoff ? She tells Jack it wouldn't be appropriate to give him a ride home. Good bye Jack.

Chollie is still being questioned by the hatch babes about why he is there. Chollie really has taken Desmond's prediction to heart and he is almost flaunting the fact that he is going to turn off the jamming equipment and die in order to save his friends. He is told that he is going to need a code but this only causes a ripple in his somewhat psychotic exterior. The hatch babes continue to be bamboozled by the apparently suicidal crazy rockstar who somehow evaded getting eaten by the dharma shark in his quest to enter the Looking Glass hatch.

Back on the beach Tom is talking to Ben and tells how they were obviously sold out by Juliet as they knew they were coming but none of the shooters is talking. Not until Ben orders them to shoot Jin and ten Bernard breaks down and spills everything, Juliet, Carl, the radio tower – everything. Rambo wouldn't have done that. Ben plans on intercepting the lostaways & Jack and he decides to take Alex with him after hearing about Carl selling the others. Richard tries to dissuade Ben from going alone or at all but he is told to take the rest of the group to the Temple. (Jewish temple ? That was Mrs. Swampy. Probably the temple of the 4 toed giant).

So where are Jack and his friends now ? Water break in the woods and we see Kate & Sawyer talking or should I say Kate talking TO sawyer. She senses that something is different about him since he came back from his trip with Locke and obviously he ain't told her. So that look was one of concern back on the beach. She tells him to start caring and to get his head in the game and she gives him grief for actually calling her Kate. So freckles it is from now on in all of their scenes together. Kate then says that Juliet may have been sent to check Sun but she was also sent to check her too. Sawyer gives a less than heartwarming answer to her. Cold actually. Bastard. Let's stay with the tribe as they continue out back on the trail to the tower. Sawyer suddenly pulls up and informs Jack tha he is going back to the beach. Jack tells him no but Sawyer lets Jack know that he is not asking for permission. Kate offers to join him but he tells her no. That he doesn't want her to go with him. There is genuine hurt in her eyes and you can again see that the feelings she has for Sawyer are deeper than she is willing to show or admit. Juliet offers to go because she knows where a hidden cache of guns are that they can go grab. Jack reluctantly agrees and she kisses him under Kate's watchful eye. The hurt in her eyes also as evident as the hidden feelings for Sawyer were. How did Kate ever work as a bank robber, escaped felon when her feelings & emotions are so readily there on what would be her sleeve if she wore anything but tank tops – and no, I'm not complaining about the tank tops at all. Kate – you are still # 1 on my cheat list. Along the way Sawyer asks Juliet why they had them breaking rocks. Juliet says it was for the Alien runway and Sawyer almost believes her. He has to believe her when she tells him there are no guns and that she pulled a Ben – she lied. And Juliet ? Kharma belongs on NBC at 8pm on Thursdays. Hurley shows up wanting to help. He's been rejected by Chollie & ignored by Jack. He wants to feel needed and part of the team. Sawyer dismisses him too and we see a long shot of Sawyer & Juliet headed one way and Hurley headed the other. Poor Hurley but you just have to know that we will somehow see him again later in the episode.

Let's go back to the water again because Desmond has come to on the boat and come to the realization that Chollie has knocked him out and has gone down to the hatch. Desmond realizes that he has to go down to the hatch too when Mikhail starts shooting at him from the beach. I come to the realization that this may be the first time in the show that Des has been hit on the head and not been transported to another place or time. I also am hoping & praying that the Dharma Shark does not make his reappearance now. Mrs. S tells me to quit it with the Dharma Shark already and she is probably right but I won't. While hatch babes argue behind the closed door this time, Des pops up in the moon pool and quickly hides in a locker when Chollie tells him to hurry. The hatch babes come out and beat on Chollie some more mainly because he is singing. Go Hatch Babes Go – beat him some for that offense. Mikhail surfaces soon after and is surprised to see the two women he thought had been sent to Canada on assignment which tells me that Ben at least made the appearance that more than just Richard & Ethan could leave the island. Mikhail wants to speak to Ben, still much distrust in his one eyed head, and Ben tells him that the island is under assault, that he needs Mikhail to help clean up his mess and he orders him to kill the hatch babes & Charlie. Mikhail comes back out of the communications hatch, asks a few questions and then shoots the brown haired hatch babe in the gut. She falls in the water. Blood in the water – calling the DHARMA SHARK – smack goes Mrs. S – he then shoots the blonde one that has been beating on Chollie but not fatally. As he lines up the killing shot, Desmond pops out the locker and drills him with the spear gun just above the heart. Quickly they talk to the hatch babe that is dying and they get her to give them the code to turn off the jamming device as her revenge for Ben giving the order to kill her. The code is the musical equivalent of Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys. The programmer was a music fan, just not a Driveshaft fan.

But what about Jack's flashbacks ? We see him checking the chart of the woman he saved when he meets the new head of surgery – it's the head of security from LAS VEGAS – first Naomi & now him – who's next Jimmy can as Jacob > Nikki Cox as Razzle Dazzle's sister ? He is the new head of surgery and he tells Jack that Jack is hero (twice over) but he should go home and rest, have a drink, they have the surgery well in hand. We next see Jack jamming down the street of a less than desirable neighborhood listening to some seriously less than desirable music. He parks, checks his news clipping, makes a call, hangs up on VM, pops a pill and heads for the funeral parlor across the street almost getting hit by car in the process. No one is inside the room when he walks in and the manager tells him there was only a viewing. No one came. When asked if he was friend or family, Jack says neither. So the clipping he has was a funeral announcement but for who ? Mrs. S is fixated on the size of the coffin. She is claiming that it is too small. More on that later. We then see Jack trying to get more pills but the pharmacist says no despite a man in line telling her that Jack is a hero (twice over according to the new head of surgery) and give him what he wants. When he produces a script from his father, the pharmacist says she will need to call but he storms out instead, so much for the cheap sunglasses. We then see Jack stealing samples of Oxycodone from a case in the hospital. He is an absolute mess and Dr. Las Vegas catches him but not with the drugs. He questions him about what he was doing on the bridge since the woman he saved said she crashed when she saw a potential jumper on the bridge railing. He asks if he has been drinking and Jack challenges him to call down his father and if he is drunker than Christian than he an fire him. Dr. Las Vegas starts to say something but Jack leaves abruptly.

Where has Locke been all this time ? Last we saw he was left laying in the pit of dharma dead and that is where we find him again. He can't seem to move his legs and but he can reach far enough to reach a loaded gun. He checks the revolver and gets ready to pull the trigger but stops short when Walt suddenly appears at the edge of the pit. Time has not stood still for Walt. The boy has grown. He tells John to get up, that his legs do work and that he has a job to do. That was random. I expected smoky, not Walt. This will have to wait until February 2008. I don't know how we can all wait that long but we all waited for the Sopranos so we can wait for LOST.

Back to the wandering tribe, Jack tells Kate that Sawyer didn't mean it when he told her he didn't want her with him. He only said that to protect her just like he wanted to protect her when he told her not to come back for him. When asked why, Jack said "I love you." And Kate is even more confused about her emotions. As they crest the top of the next rise, there is Ben waiting for them. Jack is stunned and furious at the same time. Ben asks for 5 minutes of Jack's time after Kate confirms that there is no one else with them. Handy to have a Sheena jungle girl who can track people, isn't it ? Ben spins a tale about why Jack needs to give him the phone that Naomi has and how they can all just go home and live happily ever after. Jack doesn't buy and Ben threatens to kill Sayid, Bernard & Jin if he doesn't. We hear the 3 shots on the walkie talkie as time runs out and Jack beats ben to a bloody pulp. Mrs. S is furious that Sayid & Jin are dead. She won't be watching next year. Jack dumps his bloody beaten bosy at the feet of the tribe and goes off behind a bush to try and compose himself. Kate checks on him and he tells her that they just killed the ones on the beach. It's getting uglier. Back at Jack's tribe Danielle has slowly walked up to Ben & Alex and Ben introduces Alex to her mother. Danielle touches her face and then suggests some mother daughter bonding in tying up Ben like a dog.

Back to the Looking Glass, the bodies are laid out and Chollie tells Desmond to go get some scuba gear while he plays a tune on the security pad. Chollie hits all the right notes and the blinking yellow light goes off. As he starts to leave, the incoming transmission button starts to flash. He goes back and hits it. A broken picture starts to come in and we see Penny on the other side. Charlie tells her that they are the survivors of 815 but she knows nothing of that. She hears him mention Desmond though and Chollie starts to call for him. Penny has no idea who Naomi is and knows nothing about a ship. It's right then that Mikhail Myers of Halloween fame shows up outside the hatch in the porthole with a grenade in his hand. Where is the dharma shark and why can't anyone kill this guy ? Chollie realizes what he is about to do and he realizes what he must do to make Desmond's premonition come true. He closes and bolts the hatch as the pin is removed and the explosion plows the porthole. Water rushes in and Chollie won't open the door. I'm off the couch and on the floor, must be closer to the dust in the carpet. Chollie grabs his sharpie and writes on his hand – NOT PENNY'S BOAT and holds it up to Desmond as he drowns. A noble death but not a necessary one as Chollie certainly looks small enough to fit through the porthole. We never really saw Chollie dead so he could be back in Season 4. Not.

Back at the beach, Tom is telling Ryan that they couldn't follow orders and that they had to put 3 shots into the sand because Ben is unstable. We see the 3 of them still alive. Sawyer & Juliet are trying to figure out what to do when Hurley comes flying into the scene in his magic hippy bus and despite a hail of bullets, he runs over Ryan like the asian woman tried to run me down earlier this week. See my next random blog for that story. Sayid kills another other with his ankles and Juliet gets Tom's gun before Tom can. He rolls over and surrenders to Sawyer who drills him with a cold blooded shot to the stomach. That was for taking the kid off the boat – great line. Hurley asks why he shot him since he gave up and sawyer says he didn't believe him.

They march on to the tower but suddenly we hear Hurley telling the Others to stay away. Hurley confirms to Jack that they have recaptured the beach and that everyone is still alive. Much joy in the group, much distress in Ben's eyes. Naomi notices that the light on the phone has gone green but when they try to connect with the ship, they get Rousseau's distress call instead. They get to the tower and disable the message but have trouble getting s connection. You are in a concrete bunker you idiots, get outside. When they do get outside, the connection is made but just as it starts to ring Naomi starts to bleed out of her mouth. Locke has drilled her in the back with a knife and he has his gun trained on Jack. Jack is furious and wants to know why. Locke just says I can't let you do it. Jack goes for the phone and Locke shoots a warning shot but Jack still picks it up. The phone is answered and Jack starts to talk. Locke resigned hobbles away into the jungle. Jack tells the person on the other end who they are and asks if they can come get them. If Locke & Ben are right, this is a big mistake. Much joy in Mudville.

Back to Osama Bin Jack sitting on the floor of a messy shack slugging down tequila. He is surrounded by what look like charts on the floor around him. He makes another call only this time a voice answers and he says he is sorry to call but that he has to see them out at the airport. We next see Jack parking at the end of the runway at LAX and another car pulls up behind him. Out of the car comes a shadowy figure. It's Kate ? And she knows Jack ? WTF ? She says that she saw that he is still puling people from burning wreckage. Old habits. He asks her if she had seen the clipping and if she went to the funeral. She wants to know why she would go ? Jack says that he has been using their golden tickets they got to fly around every weekend hoping to crash. He needs to go back, he is tired of lying. She says she has to go before 'he" asks where she has been. Who ? Sawyer ? Is the dead bosy at the funeral home Ben ? She leaves to Jack yelling – we have to go back.

So this has all been a flash forward ? Mrs. S wondered just before this scene where it all fit in the timeline of the show and now we know. But there are so many questions to be asked and speculated upon before February 2008.

Edit on the train.I really shortchanged that last section because I was rushing to catch my train. Is this final scene a precursor to what we will be seeing over the next 3 seasons ? Will we be in the present and flashing back to the island ? I hope not because it didn't work for "The Nine" so why would it work here ? Is Kate with Sawyer ? She must not have gotten pregnant on the island. Where is Juliet ? Does her absence account for part of Jack's psychosis or is she still back on the island ? Who is on the boat if it isn't Penny ? Is Pen's dad part of the original Dharma and have they been trying to get back to the island to take out Ben and the hostiles ? Why show us Jacob 2 weeks ago and then have absolutely no payoff with him at all ? What is Walt's signifigance ? What is Locke's mission ? What about the rest of the others ? Can Richard save them from the path of destruction that Ben has put them all on ? How has the killing of the real Sawyer by our Sawyer changed him ? He has dead eyes now. Can he open up to Kate ? How is Claire going to react to Chollie's death ? Can Desmond save him or is Chollie really dead ? Is Sun safe now ? Is anyone safe now ? There are so many more questions that keep bouncing around my head but I can't for the life of me remember them all due to the distractions on the train.Now go read B.Quain's blog for everything I missed.
Quietly waiting for 2008……swampy abides……

2007-05-29T10:32:00.001-06:00

Yet another post-Memorial Day blog for you, the faithful reader, to slog through so why don't we just get started with some front page news -

Lindsay Lohan busted for DUI and now there is the possibility that she could get charged for the coke they found in her car. Following the theory that even bad publicity is good publicity, do you think the suits at Pepsi were jealous ? And now Lindsay has supposedly passed out outside a nightclub where her friend was so worried about her condition that she fled to a brightly lit gas station so that the paparazzi could get better lighting for their pictures of Lindsay slumped in the front seat. Good thing that Lindsay is headed for Promises today.. I wonder if she has booked the Britney Spears wing and I wonder if they will let her out for Happy Hour. Someone just keep the scissors & clippers away from her head. Though on 2nd thought, I always thought she was more attractive as a redhead than a blonde. I guess Lindsay just can't stand to have Paris one up her.

And speaking of bald babes, Miss Tanzania was certainly interesting to look at last night. I immediately thought of Grace Jones without the killer sneer and growl when I saw her. I wish I had seen Miss USA slip on her azz live last night on the Miss Universe pageant but that would have meant that I watched more than the swimsuit competition and I am just not that shallow. Based on the swimsuit alone, you had to give it to Miss Brazil or Miss Venezuela. Miss Japan, the ultimate winner, strutted down the catwalk like it was her first shift at Baby Dolls and the crowd went nuts. And I can't wait to get home and download that second song lip-synched by the hit Mexican singing group, RBD. I don't know the name but the words got me:

"Dance, Dance, Dance
Rub, Rub, Rub
Stroke, Stroke, Stroke"

That is just powerful.

The Fratellis play music that reminds me of our college frat bands or a band that would have played upstairs at the Alibi. Great stuff. Heard Paulo Nutini's "New Shoes" playing in Shop-Rite on Saturday morning. He certainly went mainstream pretty quickly. And having any song from the Elvin Bishop Live CD come up on my ipod shuffle automatically makes any morning a better day.

Here is a Public Service Announcement for all non-New Yorkers coming to NYC in the future – There is NO RIGHT ON RED but there is most definitely crossing the street on red. I had to jump & twist to pivot myself out of the way of a black audi that decided to gun it around the corner at 36th street. Mel Kiper would have moved me up a round in the draft based on that alone.

This was the weekend of the 10 Cubic Yard Dumpster. It got delivered on Friday morning and it is almost completely full now and you would barely know it if you looked around the house. The kids loved throwing things in and hearing them break. I had way too much fun with the sledge hammer taking apart my wife's old desk and I was very careful about not breaking the mirrors I put into the dumpster. I don't need anymore bad luck than the bad luck I already got.

But not everything that got thrown out made it into the dumpster. At the end of the driveway I placed 6 strollers, 6 car seats, a fold up playpen, a bouncy seat and a Gatorade Golf Bag with a couple of random woods and some umbrellas with my old company's logo on them. Last night, I threw the bouncy seat back into the dumpster, everything else was gone. One mom in a minivan didn't even bother to fold up the 3 graco strollers and another woman (who grabbed the peg perego strollers were standing on her tiptoes straining to see down the driveway as to whether there was anything else she might get to take. All she had to do was drive in and ask, dumpster diving was allowed & encouraged.

What if they had a golf tournament and nobody watched ? Then it would be called "The Colonial". Quick, who won ? I had to look it up too.

What if they had a blog and nobody read it ? It would be called "Quietly making noise". Zing !!!

Ever notice that ever since the Over The Hedge movie came out that Hammy the Squirrel now gets all the best lines in the daily strip ? Not bad for a minor character that stepped out of a mirror.

The television season officially ended last week and this morning I was left with virtually nothing but a couple of Desperate Housewife episodes on tape to watch. I channel surfed instead and couldn't even find a Spanish infomercial for Girls Gone Wild. Thank God for ESPN News and my lack of TV watching over the weekend. That and the Weather on the 8's. Forecast doesn't change much in 10 minutes though. The summer season of shows is starting soon so 4am will not be as dreary as it seems. We have Hell's Kitchen coming back, Top Chef: Miami and a multitude of other bad shows trying to fill airtime on a multitude of minor channels that can always be taped. Dirty Jobs & MythBusters are always good fillers. The Sopranos is almost over and this last episode was dark. Tony is going to have to hit Phil before Phil hits Tony but it is probably way too late for Tony to be able to do anything anyway. I got HBO for the Sopranos & Entourage and The Sopranos ends June 10. Is Entourage alone worth the cost of HBO ? More Johnny Drama and the answer will be yes.

Did you know that on the side of the Girl Scouts Cookies box that it says that a serving is just 2 cookies ? What idiot put that there ? Everyone knows that a serving size is a single sleeve.

Both the Men's & Women's Lax Finales were great. Caught some of the women's finale on Monday morning on tape and caught the beginning of the Men's before I got dragged to see Shrek 3 by the swamprats (I fell asleep – so much for my review). Duke made a mad comeback but Johns Hopkins once again stepped up to take their 9th National Championship. This sport has grown so much since I played in high school. It is just great to watch and over 48K people did down in Baltimore yesterday. Congrats to the Northwestern women while we are at it. Real powerhouse they have built out there in a very non-hotspot for the sport.

Looking back on last week's mention of IDAHO NACHOS, I googled them and came up with other restaurants that serve them as well. They all seemed to be up in the northern Midwest – North Dakota, Minnesota & Wisconsin. Potatoes & cheese – a northern culinary staple.

Speaking of food, it was again Memorial Day weekend and a time for grill everywhere to be manned by men with tongs in one hand and a frosty cold beverage in the other. Or is it ? Saw an article before the weekend that more women are kicking men away from their duty of turning burger patties into charcoal lumps and taking over the grill. Blasphemy I say but then again, I did let my little swamprats help me with the sausages, hot dogs and burgers yesterday so maybe even I am getting to be somewhat enlightened. Also made some pizzas on the grill on Sunday night using a week's worth of leftovers for toppings. I am glad that Mrs. Swampy likes burned/charred food because I had to put her pizza over a hot spot on my Frankenstein of a weber grill. Thirteen years old (present from my groomsmen on my wedding day) and only the shell is an original part. I know I need a new grill for the new house but I still love this thing.

As for the sale of the house – MAKE ME AN OFFER !!!! Subtle, don't you think ?

Why don't answering machines ever pick up on TV unless the wrong person is standing next to the phone ?

Jokingly told Tim to get me 65 pieces of Turkey Bacon this morning when he asked me if I wanted anything from Sick Charlie's. There is now free turkey bacon with each cup of coffee from the kitchen on our floor here at the office.

Casey Mears wins the Coke 600 on Sunday night – that was random and Daro Franchitti played the odds with the rain and won the Indy 500. The highlight of the Indy 500 had to be seeing Ashley Judd jumping up & down in the rain about her hubby's victory. She could easily be on my cheat on mrs. swampy list if I expanded it to ten or more. She would easily qualify as MILF too if she had any kids. Elizabeth Shue definitely qualifies as MILF though. Sounds like she has a new semi-autobiographical movie coming out soon – she plays the mother character for the character based on herself. Perhaps the most exciting part of this movie though is that Andrew Shue is in it too. I miss the theatrical passion of Billy.

So the new co-host of "Yo Mamma" (and isn't being Wilmer Valderramas's co-host a crowning achievement?) got the job when she ad-libbed "Now put some stank on it." Was she talking about the show itself or the putdowns ? This show actually does have some taping potential for 4am viewing this summer. Did I actually just write that ?

I use a pen at work until it runs out of ink. Just threw away a pen from "The Mirage". Guess I need to go on some more trips soon.

Another Bronco got arrested last week – guess they didn't want to be upstaged by the Bengals latest arrest.

While watching the last 2 CSI: Las Vegas episodes – what a great finale after he letdown that was Lady Heather from the week before – I saw a promo for the CSI: Miami finale that wasn't even close to what actually happened in the episode itself. I would have been really pissed if what happened in the ad had happened on the show. And why isn't Delko dead yet ? Maybe the Dharma Shark could eat him the next time they send him into the water ?

Boy the yankees really suck right about now. Even bar owners around the stadium are complaining because no one is coming in to watch them home or on the road. This team is starting to remind me of other great suckitude teams like the yanks of the 60's & 80's. They should just all give up now and let George begin the whackings. WFAN should be a fun listen this afternoon. A great NY sports figure did retire this past week and that was of course the best # 2 in NY Rangers history – Brian Leetch. In fact, the only 3 players to wear # 2 are 1-3 on the Rangers top 5 all time defensemen list – Leetch, Brad Park & Harry Howell. Ron Greschner gets the #4 spot and they say James Patrick is # 5 but I lean towards Willie Huber myself. I can't wait to be n MSG when # 2 goes to the rafters. Only Adam Graves will be left and # 9 better go up soon after. I will hear no opposing arguments on that topic.

Almost done with "The Real Animal House" and my side still hurts from laughing. It's sophomoric & crude and I can add to it with my own stories. Let me say this though, I drank A LOT in college but nowhere near what these guys purportedly did. I will never forget crashing Dartmouth Winter Carnival in 1983 after we got a letter from the Dartmouth Inter-Fraternity Council specifically telling us we weren't invited. Krusty in the Boiler Room of Sigma Nu may have been the highlight of the trip. That story is for another time.

In a tip of the hat to The Lockhorns – I can always put off until tomorrow what should have been done years ago. Crosspostings on blogger are going to start up again – maybe.

And finally, as is habit on these long holiday weekends, swampy did not shave and by last night you could see how much more gray has come in since just back in March. The whole chin and major portions of the cheeks. Mrs. Swampy knows the cause of them and I am sure a great many of you do too- MAKE ME AN OFFER – next time we will have to update the profile pic.

Quietly waiting for the crawfish fest to start….swampy abides

2006-12-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

It is just a few days away from the beginning of that most wonderful time in college football called “Bowl Season”. Games being played in ridiculous places - with sponsors we have never heard of before - between teams that could care less about putting on the pads some 4 to 6 weeks after their season has already ended. Records just this side of mediocre – who could ask for more ? My picks are in BOLD

12/19 – Poinsettia Bowl – TCU (10-2) vs Northern Illinois (7-5) – the only reason to watch this game is because it is the first game . Or maybe to see that RB from Northern Illinois – what his name

12/21 – Las Vegas Bowl – BYU (10-2) vs Oregon (7-5) – despite their record the Ducks are tougher than they appear – still looks like tread marks on their unis – Vegas is the perfect place for a road tripping mormon to lapse – Mormons Gone Wild !!!!

12/22 – New Orleans Bowl – Troy (7-5) vs Rice (7-5)- at least they both have winning records – where is Troy anyway and didn’t they use to be Troy State ???

12/23 – Papajohn’s.com Bowl – South Florida (8-4) vs East Carolina (7-5) – for to go with the Bulls over the Pirates and did you know that Red Bull isn’t really red ?

12/23 – New Mexico Bowl – New Mexico (6-6) vs San Jose State (8-4) – only someone from San Jose could be excited about going to Albuquerque – home field will rule for the game that should be re-named “The you should be ashamed of yourself for watching this Bowl”

12/23 – Armed Forces Bowl – Tulsa (8-4) vs Utah (7-5) – what a sorry excuse for the triple header capper – if you are still watching football at this point you may need your chair surgically removed from your ass

12/24 – Hawaii Bowl – Arizona State (7-5) vs Hawaii (10-3) – ASU gets the reward of a trip to Honolulu for playing the patsy to Hawaii – I would not be upset about playing in this game at all – that QB for Hawaii is fun to watch too

12/26 – Motor City Bowl – Central Michigan (9-4) vs Middle Tennessee State (7-5) - “The you should be ashamed of yourself for watching this Bowl II”

12/27 – Emerald Bowl – Florida State (6-6) vs UCLA (7-5) – once upon a time this was a good game – maybe even a great game – now it is a pathetic afterthought – FSU should have said no to playing in a Bowl Game this year – I love to see Bobby Bowden lose – except for when FSU plays Miami of course

12/28 – Independence Bowl – Oklahoma State (6-6) vs Alabama (6-6) – how did the for Poulan Weedeater Bowl get saddled with this match up ? This truly is mediocrity at best. At least they gambling in nearby Bossier City.

12/28 – Holiday Bowl – California (9-3) vs Texas A&M (9-3) – finally a better than good game to watch and watch I will – tell all the aggie jokes you want – Mom was a Golden Bear – Go Oscie Go !!!

12/28 – Texas Bowl – Rutgers (10-2) vs Kansas State (7-5) – Louisville beats West Virginia and Rutgers beats Louisville and West Virgina beats Rutgers – and this the reward for the Scarlet Knights ? no respect I tell ya – no respect

12/29 – Music City Bowl – Clemson (8-4) vs Kentucky (7-5) – remember when Clemson beat Georgia Tech and ESPN Gameday was there and they talked about Clemson’s BCS possibilities ? Nashville is a lot farther away from Glendale than even Google earth thinks it is.

12/29 - Sun Bowl – Missouri (8-4) vs Oregon State (9-4) – despite being punished by being sent to El Paso, this has the potential to be a decent game to watch – Mizzou was on a roll but faded when the college football world started to take notice of them and Oregon State slayed the National Title hopes of USC – much to the Rose Bowl’s delight

12/29 – Liberty Bowl – South Carolina (7-5) vs Houston (10-3) – I love to see Steve Spurrier lose

12/29 – Insight Bowl – Minnesota (6-6) vs Texas Tech (7-5) – how excited was Tempe when they got stuck with this match-up ? the game is on the NFL Network so most of the country won’t be subjected to it.

12/29 – Champs Sports Bowl – Maryland (8-4) vs Purdue (8-5) – Purdue’s fifth loss was in Hawaii to Hawaii – doesn’t count – Maryland had a shot at the ACC title but a lot of mediocre teams did too.

12/30 – Meineke Car Care Bowl – Navy (9-3) vs Boston College (9-3) – the battle of the gold helmets !!! – BC was another ACC also ran – I never get tired of watching the Flutie Hail Mary Pass – I may even watch this promising match-up

12/30 - Alamo Bowl – Iowa (6-6) vs Texas (9-3) – talk about how far the mighty have fallen ? Texas should be able to sleep walk through this mess

12/30 – Chick-Fil-A Bowl – Virginia Tech (10-2) vs Georgia (8-4) – the Bulldogs may be the worst 8-4 team in the country – G logos on cars all over the place here in Atlanta – eat more chikin’

12/31 – MPC Computers Bowl – Nevada (8-4) vs Miami (6-6) – BLUE FIELD !!!! New Year’s Eve in Boise – what a great sendoff for Larry Coker – I can only hope it starts to snow in the 4th quarter so the team’s plane can’t take off

1/1 – Outback Bowl – Penn State (8-4) vs Tennessee (9-3) – interesting game – Joe Pa should be on the sidelines – I am looking into the rumors that he is going to be borrowing the PopeMobile

1/1 – Cotton Bowl – Auburn (10-2) vs Nebraska (9-4) – I hate Nebraska. I hate everything about Nebraska. If I never set foot in the state of Nebraska again in my lifetime it will be too soon. I really want auburn to win. And they will.

1/1 – Capital One Bowl – Wisconsin (11-1) vs Arkansas (10-3) – the badgers have to be one of the least impressive 11-1 teams I have ever seen – that is if they had actually kept me interested enough to watch – McFadden is going to be a very rich young man soon and the old Southwest Conference will smile from the great beyond

1/1 – Gator Bowl – Georgia Tech (9-4) vs West Virginia (10-2) – two BCS Wannabe’s who couldn’t seal the deal when they needed to – the Rambling Wreck was just that this year and will end the season in the same way

1/1 – Rose Bowl – Michigan (11-1) vs USC (10-2) – Old School – this game is going to be the best game so to date and maybe the best game of the whole shooting match – went to the Rose Bowl 16 years ago – what an experience

1/1 – Fiesta Bowl – Boise State (12-0) vs Oklahoma (11-2) – My BCS Championship Game – easily the absolute biggest game in Broncos history – Ian Johnson is going to get to showcase himself on the national stage – Oklahoma was really just one bad “home” call away from being included in the National Championship conversations

1/2 - Orange Bowl – Wake Forest (11-2) vs Louisville (11-1) – this will be a fun game to watch – Louisville is never boring and they love to run & pass – I still think they played better with the back-up under center while Brohm was hurt – Wake survived the “rugged” ACC but can it survive it’s national spotlight debut ?

1/3 – Sugar Bowl – LSU (10-2) vs Notre Dame (10-2) – Everything I said about Nebraksa could be said about Notre Dame – I don’t like South Bend but I did stay in the Holiday Inn just off of Route 80 every time I dove cross country back in the 80’s – I will never forget the night I lay awake all night listening to the couple in the next room go at it like a couple of teenagers all night long – but I digress – LSU thought they were going to Pasdena – they will now get a chance to show their “home” crowd that the BCS should have sent them west

1/6 – International Bowl - Cincinnati (7-5) vs Western Michigan (8-4) - “The you should be ashamed of yourself for watching this Bowl III” - if you are watching this game, you need to get out of your parent’s basement and get some fresh air

1/7 – GMAC Bowl – Southern Mississippi (8-5) vs Ohio (9-4) - “The you should be ashamed of yourself for watching this Bowl IV” – if you are watching this game than you must be a degenerate gambler and somebody needs to stage an intervention – but let’s wait until halftime to see how the bets are riding

1/8 – BCS National Championship Game – Ohio State (12-0) vs Florida (12-1) – it is not exactly a game that I am all that excited to watch – I will have it on but won’t be watching it watching it……Gators deserve to be there as much as Michigan but we already saw OSU vs MICH and no on wants to see a re-match – Florida will try to keep it close but Ohio State is just too fast and Troy Smith does not know how to lose – make room in the trophy case for another large chunk of glass

at the dark end of the bar - quietly making noise - swampy abides........

2006-12-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

Originally posted on Monday 12/11 on myspace

I wouldn't say that my Broncos are done just yet - they still have 3 very winnable games in Arizona, Cincy & SF - but I will say I have started digging in the silverware drawer for a fork........I know the irrational temptation is to clamor for the return of Jake but this team needs Jay Cutler to play as much as he can as soon as he can.....interesting that Tatum Bell has become a real running back the last 2 weeks - only a matter of time before he breaks again.....and Tony Scheffler's time on the scout team finally paid off in the 2nd half......

Does anyone not think that the Chargers are going to win the SuperDuperBowl ? Should be fun to watch them run it up on KC next week too......LT will get another 3 TD's easily........

The Colts are exposed as the pretender that they are - no NFL team can expect to be taken seriously if they give up 375 yards on the ground - not even a bad college team like Army gives up that much per week - great week to have Maurice Jones-Drew in your fantasy line-up and yes, I did......

Cincy has it's destiny in it's own hands but they have to beat an embarrassed Colts team first and then they have to go beat Denver in Denver - which hasn't been that hard this year - Ocho Cinco & Who'syourmamma make a nasty WR tandem and as long as players keep getting arrested, the Bengals keep winning.........Oakland is just plain sorry and should have just saved everyone the trouble yesterday and conceded to the bengals before the opening kickoff.........

Did anyone else feel a warm feeling in the pit of their football bellies as we watched Drew Brees light up the cowpokies like a Bourbon Street Bum on a half smoked butt.......Reggie Bush has made his opponents the last 2 weeks look like Fresno State.....don't see how they don't get to the Conference Championship game if they can get the home Dome advantage - America wants to see them win.......

speaking of Rookies who are starting to make a major difference, Vince Young went into Houston yesterday and left with an absolutely spectacular TD run to win the game in OT - I would love to see the replay and check to see if he either slipped Mario Williams or juked him out of his jock.....I love Gary Kubiak but his ownership really slipped him a raw deal with that first round debacle at the draft last year.......the rest of the AFC better hope that the wild card slots don't slip to 9-7 because the Titans are playing some mighty scary ball right about now........

the less said about the NY Giants the better........Chris Weinke threw 61 times ? Has his arm fallen off yet today ?.....Carolina was a pre-season super bowl pick (probably for me) and now they look like picked over trash - even Superman Steve Smith can't save them from golf in early January......

How are the Eagles still a wild card contender ? Oh yeah, the NFC stinks - that's how........

Miami shuts out the Pats as Tom Brady continues his South Beach futility - rumor has it that he is visited by the ghost of Tara Reid every time he plays there - must be true because he plays like he has been out all night with a drunken chick with lopsided implants........watching the Saints game last night you just know Nick Saban was still loving that Daunte over Drew signing from this past offseason.......

Vikings don't seem to be missing Daunte but then they did play the Lions.....

Seattle proved again yesterday why they are not a SuperDuperBowl contender in their loss to Arizona - obviously Denny Green knew exactly who they were too - not often you can say that about the only man that can almost make Art Shell look good by comparison.......

Brett Favre is 7 TD's away from Dan Marino - does anyone but Peter King care ??????

The J-E-T-SJETSJETSJETS blew a great chance yesterday to put the pressure on the Pats in the AFC Least - instead they let a sick Willis McGahee vomit all over them again - this was nowhere near the same team that killed on the frozen tundra - this team just looked more like roadkill.....

Baltimore, based on recent history, should have been roadkill in KC since the Chiefs (worst fans in the league - at least from this Broncos fan perspective) had won 18 straight at home in December - but then the Chiefs had never had Herm Edwards as their coach in KC in December before......Baltimore's record may get them home field but they have no chance to get to Miami in February.....I am still having trouble with SI for anointing Ray Lewis as "God's Linebacker" on a recent cover........

so which game did I miss ? Oh yeah, Atlanta beat Tampa - I think ESPN gave that game about the same amount of coverage that I just did.....

Chicago is at St. Louis tonight and I will be watch either "How I met your mother" & "Two and a Half Men" or the live action version "The Year without a Santa Clause" - which looks like a typical hollywood clusterfrick - rather than watching Rex Grossman try to give away the game to the Lambs.........Chicago 37 St. Louis 13

quietly making noise.....swampy abides........

2006-09-25T12:26:00.000-06:00

It was a statement game but was it the Broncos saying “We aren’t that bad.” Or was it the Pats saying “We aren’t that good.” ?

Charlie Batch 1-0 Evel Knievel 0-2

The Jets may be the most entertaining underrated bunch of overachievers in the league.

Don’t let the score fool you – the Giants suck – keep talking Shockey – New York loves a loudmouth

I don’t like Chris Simms (and I hated his father) but you have to admire finishing a game with a busted spleen

Kurt Warner, meet Joe Pisarcik. It’s just too bad that Warner didn’t fumble the ball against the Chiefs

I still don’t think Da Bears are for real.

I dread reading “Monday Morning QB” by Peter King today – he is going to be fellating Brett Favre again – I just know it………

Peyton Manning ran for a TD ? I run from the TV any time I see one of his commercials come on…..again……

No T.O. this weekend and the world did not stop spinning…….

The Dolphins eliminated me last year in my suicide pool and almost did again this year……

The Iggles got well in SF but where was Donte Stallworth ? He killed my fantasy team this week…….

The Raiders should petition the league for 16 Bye weeks – at least they didn’t get blown out

A few college notes – Charlie Weis is really fat and he is really lucky (this week)……I turned my back on the TV for 2 seconds and Cal scored 28 points – what the ????......I’m starting to like Louisville a lot – West Virginia does nothing for me………Auburn vs Ohio State would be fun championship game……Joe Pa should have stayed in the head……..and Rutgers is in the Top 25 (# 23) – what is the world coming to ?

New Orleans 31 Atlanta 27 – the Crescent City falls deeper in love with Reggie Bush…….

quietly making noise.....swampy abides......