The NBA draft is upon us so now is as good a time as ever to subject you all to a few thunks about it and other less than important topics…….I hope that the kids in the Green Room don’t disappoint us stylistically like last year’s crop of draftees……it always fun watching the final player in the green room too – at that point even getting picked by the Clippers is better than having the TNT cameras in your face……. do you think that Andrew Bogut knows how to spell S-A-M-B-O-W-I-E ???.....if there is any team out that is more likely to screw up their pick than the Clippers, the Knicks could be that team…..it would not surprise me in the least to see Zeke make some dumbazz trade that saddles this team with even more deadweight contracts and big name busts – Madison Square Garden has become the same Elephant’s Graveyard of Former NBA All Stars that it has been for the NY Rangers for years……..the NBA players straightened out their labor deal a whole lot faster than the NHL players have yet to do – I guess the spectre of having to pay multiple child support payments scared them into settling…….when and if the NHL ever comes back, they will have a lot of explaining to do with the dumb comments about the fans that have come spewing from idiots like Jeremy Roenick – face it Jeremy, you make a lot more money than all of us, you play a game, we pay way to much to see you play that game and we resent the fact that you felt like we owed you more – poker gets higher ratings on ESPN than the NHL……..I want to be a Hilton is on tonight – Paris & Nicky make an appearance and the rednecks and goobers all get to go party at the Polo matches in the Hamptons – good trainwreck television if you ask me – I wonder if Paris will give them advice on how to look your best when seen through night vision lenses……speaking of more reality TV – Whitney and Bobby have their show debut this Thursday night at 10pm on Bravo – I really wish they still lived in Mendham so I could see them at the Black Horse Inn getting hammered just like they used to in the old days – again this has the potential to be trainwreck TV……the 2 days of rain really made the swamp smell “great” on my ride in to work – more roadkill than usual too……..not that I was going to see “War of the Worlds” before Tom Cruise flipped out but now I won’t even rent it when it hits the dollar bin – I am sure that he gets some of the gross which he then gives to the Church of Scientology and I don’t want even a dime of my cash to line their pockets…..I hope Katie Holmes is getting paid an awful lot of money for the acting job she is doing right now…….George has summoned the yankee brass to Tampa – I wonder who is going to wake up tomorrow with a horse’s head in their bed ???.........Cliff Floyd is getting jobbed in the All Star voting – like anyone cares……..72 days until Randy Moss and the Raiders get killed in the NFL opener – football training camps can’t open soon enough…….early morning TV is getting pretty bad if I am forced to watch Frontier League Baseball games…….where has Erica Hill been and I am slowly starting to fall for Robin Meade…..beefmasters, supersonics, sweet cheery 100’s and lemon boy tomatoes are all coming in nicely – so are the Hungarian wax peppers and the Caribbean red Hots……..Miss America is going to CMT – will she need to trade in her diamond tiara for Minnie Pearl’s straw hat ?????.....Lindsay Lohan is upset with Disney for downsizing her likeness in the Herbie: Fully Loaded ads – I can’t imagine why Disney would not want a wafer thin bleach bottle blonde club hopping party girl out front advertising a family film ?????........how many baseball players would be willing to skip their all-star bonus this year to not play in Detroit ???.......Maria Sharapova is fun to watch play tennis – and she is good too…….first the leaders blow up in the Men’s US Open at Pinehurst in the final round and then the leaders blow up the Women’s US Open at Cherry Hills the following week…..hope to get to see the Women’s World Match Play Championships at Hamilton Farms this weekend – I would love to see former Pleasanton resident Paula Creamer steal this one – she is going to be good for a long time to come……..caught the finale of the Next Food Network Star and I have to say that I would not watch either of the finalists they chose – the judges obviously did not pick by personality or talent – they picked by the demographic that is missing on the Food Network – as far as I am concerned, the whole contest was a farce…….does anyone out there believe that Phil Jackson came back to the Lakers for any reason other than the money ? I didn’t think so…….listening to Tony Parker rap in French was almost as scary as watching Brent Barry dance…..the voices of Tigger and Piglet both passed away within hours of each other – as Pooh would say, “Oh Bother”………the quality of joggers and dog walkers at 7am is far superior to the joggers and dog walkers at 6:40am – I may need to leave the house a little bit later in the morning………and I still am in awe that Rachel Ray actually posed for FHM back in October 2003 (thank you google)……..

That it’s for me today – may there always be a beautiful babe to squeeze your lime……

I am so ashamed of myself - 35 minutes in and I am absolutely hooked on "I want to be a Hilton" - more on this later....

OK - I'm back and I am still ashamed of myself. Central casting could not have done a better job in picking a cross section of stereotypes if they tried. Whoever was responsible for the casting should make damn sure that they have this show listed front & center on their resume. These people are tasteless and clueless - and I am not just talking about the Hiltons - I loved it when the british chick who dances in Vegas almost started crying when she heard her name finally called. What was the deal with Miss Tampa singing her lines ??? The guys are all guidos or hicks and Alain, the dude who got the boot, seriously looked like a serial killer when his name was not called. I feel real sorry for his gay lover tonight - look for Alain's suicide attempt in the NY Post any day now......and why give them a limo ride after they get kicked off "the island" ? They should be given a subway token or a one swipe metro card and pointed towards the D Train.

Kathy Hilton was so bad that she was awesome. She makes Paris look like an actress by comparison. There is no doubt in my mind that there is a sex tape out there with her in it - the years of alcohol, parties, drugs and surgery have treated her well - it's no wonder her daughters are the way that they are - I love this woman. I also love the number of single camera shots of her reciting her lines - she was wooden & stiff and you know she screwed up more than her fair share of lines.

This may not be "appointment TV" but it will get taped for the rest of it's run.

I believe that I owe an apology to Kevin McBride and to Tomato Cans everywhere - though Kevin McBride's nose at the end of the fight was as red as Ed McMahon's after a 3 day bender and he was just as coherent too. Mike Tyson has finally run his course and anyone who is willing to shell out even a buck to see him fight should be ashamed of themselves. Tyson was something special back in the late 80's when he tore through a weak heavyweight division. I will never forget the look of terror in Trevor Berbick's eyes as he realized that he was in the ring with Iron Mike and that he didn't stand a chance. A deer in a the headlights of an oncoming 18 wheeler has a more confident look on it's face. I will also never forget the night in 1990 when Tyson fumbled on the canvas looking for his mouthpiece and Buster Douglas "shocked the world". That Mike Tyson, the ear chewing, nonsense spewing, tattooed face Tyson is the fighter most people will always remember him to be. What a waste of a talent - what a waste of career - what a waste of a life.

My only Hole in One turned 10 years old today - I haven't come closer than 10 feet since...

So does Mike Tyson think that if he sticks around boxing long enough the public will start to love him like we did George Foreman ? Calling the Irish Heavyweight Champion a tomato can is an insult to tomato cans everywhere.......Kelly Clarkson does not look good with blonde hair but it does take your eyes away from her rather large butt......Game 1 of the NBA Finals is on and I am not watching.......Toby Keith's new tune "As Good As I Ever Was" is a great song - loved it when he sang it live to the troops in Iraq during the CMA's but he looked drunk when he sang it on Leno - still sounded as good as it ever was (bada bump).....a 7th season of the Soprano's ???......the quality of the joggers in the early morning has definitely gone up on drive to work since college got out for the summer......survived another week in Fantasy Golf last week when I should have been going home - just plain lucky......Jimmie Johnson should repeat at Pocono - at least my Fantasy Nascar teams hope he does.....still haven't seen a movie come out this year that is worth $100 to see......."Jeremiah Johnson" is an underrated western but I may have said that before......the more I see her, the more I like MSNBC's Kristine Johnson - and who took away Robin Meade's excessive makeup kit over at CNN Headline News ? I want to shake their hand - Robin no longer looks like she should be reading the news while swingning from a pole......David Wright is the real deal, Cliff Floyd was the best trade the Mets didn't make this winter and the yankees still suck......just 91 days until the Pats beat on Randy Moss and the NFL Season starts......later

Randy Johnson sure looks like he was worth all that $$$ that Steinbrenner has paid him......Yanks are 0-21 in games in which they have scored 3 runs or less......The "Queer Eye" guys threw out the first pitch at Fenway the other day and Brian Cashman was said to be in the crowd with a radar gun......93 days until opening kickoff for the NFL just in case you were wondering.......who are the idiots who are making reservations at Hell's Kitchen and how many of them are wannabe actors trying to get some face time for their "loop" ???.....91 Days until the DVD of "LOST" Season 1 comes out just in case you were wondering.......No Triple Crown Threat this weekend at the Belmont makes this a very irrelevant horse race.......are they still playing the French Open ????.......went to the Crawfish Festival this weekend - I need to make some crawfish pie........cherry tomatoes have started flowering and so have my Caribbean Hot Peppers - my beans & peas are behind schedule and I think I need to get a pot of Roma Tomatoes for the back deck......NBC is cutting the price on it's ad rates for next year - shouldn't they be paying people to watch "Joey" ????........Spurs vs Pistons - be still my heart - I will probably fall over if either team scores 100 points in a game during the finals......and finally, Congrats to the 2005 Kelly Cup Champs - your TRENTON TITANS !!!!

My first comment comes on the back of a throwaway thunk about Paris Hilton.....

A thunk back to last weekend and the Yanks-Sox series - do you thunk Billy Martin is spinning in his grave right about now - the Sox plunked Jeter again and yet again the yanks did nothing in retaliation - they are gutless and should all join AROD on Dr. Phil's couch.......didn't see the film clip from Tom Cruise's appearance on "Oprah" and I really wish I had - he has completely lost it - I'm glad I don't waste anymore of my $$$ on his movies........saw some of the replay of the Div III Championship Lax game between Middlebury & Salisbury this morning during my workout - what a great game - too bad my Panthers gacked at the end - that Div I championship game between Hopkins & Duke was fun to watch too - Lax is the sport of the future - the fact that you now see lax sticks on the beaches is a sure sign

So Paris is engaged to marry Paris - I guess we can all look forward to the Honeymoon Video - coming to a website near you......

and can Paris actually wear white for her wedding ? Wouldn't red be a more appropriate color ?

It took more than a week but someone in my office finally noticed that I have new glasses......I cannot begin to tell you how offended I am by the fact that "The Longest Yard" remake made $60m this past weekend - this is a movie that never needed to be re-made.....I actually tried to watch the original on regular TV the other night but that is one of those movies that just can't be watched on regular TV........Danica Patrick sure looks like the real goods - on & off the track.......can the Spurs pull a yankees and lose 4 straight after being up 3-0 against the Suns ??? - Amare's block of Duncan's dunk was highlight keeper material......17-1 ? When the yankees get a chance to kick a Rouge ????

Ever since I started picking on the Yankees they have been winning so you won’t hear another word about them from me…..for now……the same old Mets, can’t beat the Yankees and can’t beat the Braves – they better show some heart down in Florida this weekend or you can stick a fork in them………Carrie beats Bo in the AI Final – no real surprise there – my favorite moment from the whole season was Bo’s reaction when the AI producers surprised him with 2 of the remaining members of Lynrd Skynrd – his face was like “Who are these really old dudes in my hotel room ?????”……I haven’t watched my tape of “The Contender” Finale but I did read Bill Simmons excellent real time diary of the fight and it was hilarious – no surprise at all that Sergio “The Latin Snake” Mora took the Contender Title Belt and the $1m check…….I hope the City of Denver has the money in the budget for the cleanup of the tickertape they are going to need in February now that Jerry Rice has signed with the Broncos – I realize that Mike Shanahan once coached Jerry Rice in SF but that was a long time ago and a lot of lost talent ago……….still haven’t seen the new Stars Wars flick – don’t hold your breath waiting for me to see it either………..Lindsay Lohan looked terrible on SNL – she seems to be channeling Paris Hilton more and more – someone needs to do an intervention – maybe feed her one of those Carl’s Jr Spicy BBQ $6 Burger that Paris is pretending eat in her new commercial – speaking of Paris, is that just another pathetic attempt at keeping the clock ticking at 14:59 or what ????.................Dwyane Wade may not know how to correctly spell his name but he sure can take you to school – has Shaq ever had a better wingman ? No offense to Kobe & Penny but they were just talented selfish schmucks who never appreciated the big man in the middle………..A mild surprise that Phoenix lost the opening 2 games at home in their series with San Antonio – I guess they miss Joe Johnson more than I thought they would – Phoenix does have the best road record in the NBA this year but the Spurs have the best home record – I guess something will have to give there……..No disappointment at all in the “LOST” finale last night – some questions answered, more questions asked, we now know who the comic book belonged to, September can’t get here soon enough…….I really suck at Fantasy Baseball but I don’t suck as much as Jeff Gordon did singing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” the other night – Wrigley Stadium ? A cheat sheet with the words ???? Please go back to turning left at high speeds now……….caught myself singing Cowboy Troy’s Hick Hop hit “I played Chicken with the Train” this morning…………dusted off the clubs recently and played 2 good rounds back to back – it’s only a matter of time before all of my old bad habits come back and my game goes to hell – it is fun being able to make a putt….for now……..Tara Reid has signed on as the new host of “Wild On” – I guess my prediction of Playboy by November is now almost a certified lock as each of the previous hostesses has done the same………the mighty Trenton Titans have taken a 2-0 lead over the Florida Everblades in the Kelly Cup Finals – I will take my hockey wherever I can get it these days……the best part of my daily commute is the 7.2 mile stretch where I have no cell phone service – 11 minutes of no chance of a call………….Gatorade Mango Electrico and Tropical Intenso are my 2 new favorite flavors – Que Sabor !!!!.................sorry Dad but the Minnesota Vikings are now my second favorite team in the NFL and when does football start anyway ? It’s never soon enough…….

That’s it for me – I’m out like a fat kid playing dodgeball

A couple of quick thunks - last night a pseudo southern rocker and a wannabe country pop star went at it on the American Idol finale - two genres of music the producers have not tapped into during the previous 3 competitions - neither one impressed me all that much - Bo sounds like Curtis Stigers but Carrie finally let a crack show in her robotic veneer during her final song and that small bit of honest emotion (along with a serious power note) may have been enough for Country Barbie to pull off a win..........tonight is the 2 hour season finale of LOST - don't call my house while it is on - I won't answer - I can't help but think that the ship will come aground back on the island and the Johnny Depp and the skeleton crew of the Black Pearl will come pouring out of the Ghost Ship - September looks like a long ways away right now..........after seeing Milwaukee get the #1 pick in the NBA draft lottery, how many potential # 1 picks are now hoping that they are #2 ?.......did not see the Contender finale last night due to a meeting - don't tell me who won.......is there a less relevant or watchable Tennis Grand Slam than the French Open ? Oh yeah, I forgot about the Australian Open......got to get back to work

Some CMA thunks coming right at ya - Gretchen Wilson looks like that girl at the last call at the end of the bar that can hurt you in oh so many ways.......what was up with the new streaks in Sara Evans hair ???? And could she have smiled at least once last night ????.....Big & Rich got robbed for Top Vocal Duo and so did Montgomery Gentry........Toby Keith was awesome from Iraq - I dug on that tune and need to find it right away - in a related note, my kids love "Talk About Me" - I have to crank it in the car........Lee Ann Womack is one healthy woman and I ain't complaining.......speaking of women not smiling - Miranda Lambert must have been real nervous last night - she was on TV about 6000 times and I didn't see her smile once.....I guess I need to order me some Keith Urban - I didn't know he was that good......looks like it's time for Garth brook to cut back on the moon pies and get himself back out onto the road.....and did Kenny Chesney already forget he was married ??? Not even a shout out to his new bride.......good show but then the country music awards shows usually are

Too much going on these days not to grace you all with my unsolicited thunks…….the last time I ragged on Mike Piazza he went on a tear so let me be the first to say that your mama dresses you funny and your grandma wears army boots……..I’m not sold on the Yankees 9 game winning streak – they have to beat someone other the A’s and the Mariners (like Tampa Bay) before I will take them seriously – Carl Pavano pitches tonight so the streak should be over soon – I hope……….Ian showed his naivete and his lack of brains when he made his deal with Tom during the final immunity challenge on Sunday night’s Survivor Finale – does he really think that Tom or Katie will even recognize him on the street in another year ????.......Katie looked to be channeling Jenna Lewis with her makeover on Sunday night – now I guess we will have to wait and see how soon before her sex tape hits the internet……..to the editors of Maxim, Stuff, FHM and Playboy - Jenn, Steph, Katie, Ashlee and Kim are all waiting for their calls……..The Trenton Titans have pulled off a Game 7 upset of the Alaska Aces in the ECHL Kelly Cup Conference Finals and now move on to the face the Florida Everblades……..The Rally Cow Returns on June 21 – NJ Cards baseball is back and there is no better place to watch a game with a family – the baseball sucks but the atmosphere is great……….Sergio Mora vs Jesse Brinkley should have been the Contender finale but it will still make a great semi-final match-up this Sunday night…….The CMA Awards could potentially hurt Carrie Underwood tonight in American Idol – she’s good but she would have been out early if she had been on Nashville Star…….Does anyone know when the next Star Wars movie is coming out ? I couldn’t find anything about it on the internet……….these are my 5am television viewing thoughts – Dean Martin as Matt Helm was nowhere near as good as Sean Connery as James Bond but he sure was better than the latter day Roger Moore – Ann Margaret was smoking in the 1960’s and would be painfully hot today – she had curves that today’s coked up party girl club hopping wannabe starlets will never have – Kiran Chetry can wear her leather pants to do the news any morning she wants to – The Lost World was a very underrated bad TV show, thank you TNT for sneaking in the odd showing every now and then for me – why isn’t Xena on some random channel in the middle of the night and whatever happened to the actress who played Gabrielle ????.........Newsweek essentially killed 17 people with it’s Qoran report this week – “We’re sorry” just doesn’t cut it- I’m no journalist and I don’t play one on TV but if you are going to go to press with a story like that using just one unconfirmed source you might as well just change the name of the magazine to Weekly World News or The Star………is it possible for Nicolette Sheridan to wear any tighter or smaller clothes than she is already wearing on Desperate Housewives ? I’m not complaining and I will keep researching this for all of you……..Do you think that Tom Cruise’s kids have told Katie Holmes that they loved watching her on Dawson’s Creek ???...........has an over/under been set on the Kenny Chesney/Rene Zellweger marriage yet ?............how much do Pacers and Pistons fans hate the Wizards for giving Shaq another 8 days off before the conference finals…..the Phoenix Suns are in trouble if Steve Nash is scoring 48 points in a game – he should be dishing, not swishing…….I obviously know nothing about horse racing based on my pick of Bandini in the Kentucky Derby (19th out of 20) but I have to like the local horse, Malibu Moonshine, this Saturday in the Preakness…….Hungarian Wax Peppers, Sugar Snap Peas, purple bell peppers and Yellow Tomatoes are the new additions to this years vegetable garden – look for updates in the coming weeks

That’s it for now – the delete key is in the upper right hand corner of your keyboard if you haven’t hit it already

Fat Mike & the Angry Puppy were all up in arms yesterday on WFAN/YES Network about the Mets not setting up their rotation so Pedro would pitch against the Yankees. Instead he will be pitching against the braves & Marlins. I'm a Mets fan and i agree with the Mets on this one. The Braves & the Marlins are the divisional rivals and the two teams the Mets have to beat to get to the playoffs. Pedro should pitch in the games that matter the most. Face it yankee fans, the yanks are far from the world beaters that they used to be (they can't even beat Tampa) and the inter-league games with the Mets don't have the sizzle they once did. MLB needs to drop the yearly rivalry match-ups and go to the same alternating system that the NFL uses. Then a once every 3 to 4 year Mets/yanks series will mean something again - that and it would help if the yanks stopped sucking......

That last thunk deserved it's own post......my mother-in-law picked "Giacomo" in the Derby because he was a "paisan" - I only wish that I had taken her to the track or OTB with that kind of thunking.......I guess the yankees figured out that they better start winning since Bellamy Road ran straight to the glue factory with his race on Saturday........Bandini can just change his name now to Alpo because his stud fees just dropped to pocket change.......the Derby is an event that I would love to get to some time in my life - it's up there with the Super Bowl and the Masters.

and now Jennifer Garner is pregnant with Ben Affleck's baby ???? This is not right.....

I was driving through the swamp this morning and saw a hawk tearing the ass out of a dead deer by the side of the road - an appropriate image considering I was headed to work.

It's going to be a long day......

It’s that time again – too many thunks rolling around my empty head and a few of them were bound to slip out…….

I now know what my overpaid, underachieving, former all-star New York Rangers have been doing during the NHL Lockout – they put on pinstripes and moved to the Bronx….the Yankees haven’t lost 15 games this early in the season since 1997……..good thing for the Yankees that Tampa Bay is in the same division (and on their schedule so much this early in the season) or they would really be screwed………the first round of the NBA playoffs are a joke – only 2 series are going to go more than 5 games and one of the series that is going to go 5 should have been a sweep – yes Denver, I’m talking about you……speaking of Denver, let’s talk about the Broncos and their drafting of Maurice Clarett ? Why ? To give Ron Dayne some competition for the last RB cut in camp slot on the roster ?.........the NY Post reported this past Sunday that filming has started on the 6th and final season of “The Sopranos” – it’s about time – now when is Season 5 coming out on DVD ????.........With Jennifer Garner’s engagement to Ben Affleck, she is now officially off my list – the current list is as follows – Teri Hatcher, Diane Lane, Marg Helgenberger, Juliet Huddy and Heather Locklear – as always, it is subject to change………..I saw a Bruce Springsteen video on VH1 Country yesterday morning – why ?..................on a completely random note (and I know at least one of you has heard this before but) – I work in an office, not a bar – so why is there piss on the floor ? And what is up with guys who flip their ties over their shoulders when stepping up to the urinal ? Do they really have little control over their directionality ? Maybe they are the ones pissing on the floor ? the little things bug me………..as long as the Mets keep winning when Pedro is pitching, this controversy about who is doing his catching is a non-issue to me – Piazza is old and can’t throw anyone out anymore anyway – he is going to be a great DH for someone next year – start making your offers now……….The Broncos November Road Schedule looks like crap so that means one thing and one thing only – VEGAS BABY !!!!!............the cowpokies signed the A-Train yesterday as their 3rd down back ? Is Parcells smoking crack ? Since when is a fat guy who has forgotten how to run and catch (see Ron Dayne) a 3rd down back ?............The Contender gets better each week – my money is on Sergio “The Snake” Mora to win it all – I do like the Jesse Brinkley-Anthony Bonsante match-up this coming weekend…….the Kentucky Derby is this Saturday and is any surprise that George Steinbrenner has fired his horse’s trainer recently ? If Bellamy Road wins then Joe Torre might be seeing Nick Zito in his rearview mirror……..Stephenie got voted off Survivor last week and I couldn’t be more pissed – those people are idiots – they finally had a chance to get rid of Tom and they blew it – did Caryn really see herself beating Tom at anything ? I don’t like anyone on the show anymore so I hope that Tom wins the rest of the challenges and screws up all of their plans – and like Bill Simmons said over on Page 2 – is Katie actually gaining weight ??????..........Paul Shirley’s Playoff Diary is some of the best reading you can find on the internet – his regular season diary was pretty funny too – head over the Phoenix Suns website if you haven’t already been there……..Dan Jenkins has a new golf book out and it is already # 1 on my MUST READ list – I am already laughing about it and I haven’t even read the first sentence - Dan Jenkins could make a grocery list worth reading……….Diamond Daily on ESPN is one of the best Fantasy Sports games that you can play – of course, if you really want to pad your stats, pick the player I picked the day after I pick them – guaranteed to go yard………….I’m still holding to my prediction that Tara Reid is in Playboy by November
You’ve been great – grab a slice of cake and party favor on your way out

I have 2 words for Scott Savol - "Shut Up !!!"

Oh and I have 2 more words for him - "You Suck !!!"

Great finish to the Masters the other day. Tiger's putt on 16 hung like Danny Noonan's putt on 18 at Bushwood only Tiger didn't need Carl Spackler's help. Then Tiger proceeded to channel the pre-2004 Phil Mickelson for the next 2 holes. Dimarco's chip on 18 rimmed the cup and Tiger's putt on the first playoff hole would have gone 30 feet by the hole if it hadn't gone in. I hear the TV ratings were way up too.

Best part of opening day at Fenway may have been the fans cheering wildly for Mariano Rivera. You have got to love the Boston fans. They slayed the Dragon and now they are making fun of him too.