Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Looking For Inspiration In All The Wrong Places

A few weeks ago I declared to the handful of readers that I may or may not have that I was back and that the blogs would gush forth like before. Then I wrote nothing for a couple of weeks. What I did finally post was a hackneyed effort at what once was at best. I knew I wasn't the same writer that I had been before and to be honest I wasn't sure if that was who I wanted to be again anyway. What I needed was some inspiration and I set out to find some.

 

I first turned to the not so friendly skies above us but I have railed against the airlines before and the jokes about flying, while they continue to write themselves (too fat, too stinky), are really just the same leftover jokes and let's face it, leftovers are only good the next day. 

 

I thought about voodoo but when I checked my calendar, it looked like I won't be heading for Nawlins until late April or early May at the earliest. While you probably wouldn't miss the blogs, I really don't want to wait that long to start writing again.

 

I thought about blaming George W. Bush but I used that joke unsuccessfully in my last blog and if it wasn't funny the first time, it's probably not going to be funny a second time. It's getting overused down in Washington anyway.

 

Then I thought about going to church and praying for inspiration but that really did seem to me like an awful waste of God's time. It's not like he's not busy with other things. Besides, I every time I walk into my church they expect me to hand them a check. Of course I only really go about once a year anyway so the ratio of visits to checks really isn't that far off of 1 to 1 so I guess expecting a check when I walk in the door shouldn’t be considered crass but I do consider it to be so anyway.

 

But being in a religious frame of mind in that moment, I remembered that the Gods of Football had once answered my prayers in their own way by stomping a mudhole in me & my team so I figured that perhaps I should try contacting the Gods of Blogging. Surely this august group of coffee swilling slackers with poor eyesight from staring at their laptop monitors would be able to help me find inspiration.

 

Now I wanted to make sure that I got their attention in a crowd of other writers with nothing to write about so I grabbed a D List Celebrity from my Twitter Follow List and pitched them into the nearest lava spewing volcano. There was a poof (or was it a wisp ?) of smoke and standing before in all his toga clad glory was one of the Gods of Blogging.

 

“Dude, you rang ?” he said with obvious annoyance.

 

“Yes I did. I need some inspiration. I don’t know what to write about.” I replied.

 

“Write about what you know.” He said in a tone of voice that told me that wasn’t the first time he had used those words.

 

“But I know nothing.” I lamely responded.

 

“Exactly and you know a lot of it too !” he said and with a poof (or was it a wisp) of smoke he was gone.

 

“But…..” I stammered as I quickly grabbed another D List celebrity from my Twitter Follow List and tossed them into the lava spewing volcano in hopes of bringing him back. Alas, the second D Lister went for naught and none of the Gods of Blogging reappeared in my room.

 

So there we have it, even the Gods of Blogging had nothing to offer me other than to continue on my literary quest to write something out of nothing or was it to write nothing about something or was it to write nothing about nothing because I know I can’t write something about something because that just sounds too much like homework and I never really did a whole hell of a lot of that way back when. Guess we will just have to see what kind of nothing I write about.

 

And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades…..swampy abides

 

 

14 comments:

COREY CAPSLOCK said...

WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU AN "ENOUGH ALREADY"??? THIS WAS GOOD STUFF... YOU WRITE ABOUT MY FAVORITE TOPIC, NOTHING, AND THATS EXACTLY WANT I PLAN ON MY COMMENT BEING ABOUT!!

judy said...

Seinfeld got rich writing about nothing. Now don't be a tease. I came all the way over here. If this is the last post for weeks, I'm going to be really pissed off.

Oh, and, you know, hugs and sweetness and good for you, and all that, too.

Levi Muller said...

Keep it up Swampy! I'll read your blog about nothing any day.

CAPSLOCK COREY said...

BTW, IF YOU SET UP A FACEBOOK PAGE, YOU COULD NOTE ABOUT NOTHING TOO

swampy said...

Corey - I always love your comments about nothing.

Judy - you inspired me to start writing again. I sure as hell don't want to piss you off.

Levi - One of my very first readers from the old days - thanks for stopping by again.

swampy said...

Corey - Facebook ? What's that ?

Joanne/ said...

Hi Swampy. Your words echo much that rattles around in my head. Knowlege, gathered here and there. Tons of experiences on this well traveled road of of life.

Think of what you want to write about as if the ideas were Bingo numbered ping pong balls rolling around in that noisy, clacking air sucking machine. Look inside that clear plastic box, close your eyes and push the button. One of those ideas, or numbered ping pong balls will get sucked up, whooosh, pop and there you have it.


Grab that idea ball, roll it around a bit, put it in it's proper place on the Big Board and light that sucker up. I 24. That's I 24 Bingo!!!

Keep writing, keep letting those balls come up to the top. :)

Anonymous said...

i like the part about the Gods of Blogging. you really think that if i go grab Miley Cyrus or somebody and pitch 'em in a lava spewing volcano, i can reach a god. cool, dude. well, i'm off to find Hannah Montana, the gods know the world would be better without her complaining. maybe i'll find her in california. until the, anonymous. :)

Anonymous said...

oh yeah and, nothing is a great topic. i might have turned to a book for inspiration, then that might have turned into another faliure idea. well, to keep two sides to my argument, i did get to chapter three in my most recent project. but eventually it will come to the same ugly red stop sign i've seen too often. but to quote one of the worlds amazing masters of the world, "we all go to 'bleeping' place1." until then, anonymous

Anonymous said...

I just started following you so,I
really don't have any expectations.
You seem like a bright, articulate
kind of guy. I'm certain that future blogs will entertain and amaze us. And, even if they don't,
I will fib to you and tell you they do!!

swampy said...

Hi Joanne - thanks - I remember playing bingo for beer money at the resort I worked at in Wyoming during the summer of 1981.

swampy said...

I think I recognize a Miley Cyrus pitchin' swamprat when I see one - you have to love a child who embraces the philosophical stylings of Rat from Pearls Before Swine

swampy said...

Thank you Anonymous 6:37pm - lie to me all you want - I appreciate the visit & the comment

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