Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The NBA draft is upon us so now is as good a time as ever to subject you all to a few thunks about it and other less than important topics…….I hope that the kids in the Green Room don’t disappoint us stylistically like last year’s crop of draftees……it always fun watching the final player in the green room too – at that point even getting picked by the Clippers is better than having the TNT cameras in your face……. do you think that Andrew Bogut knows how to spell S-A-M-B-O-W-I-E ???.....if there is any team out that is more likely to screw up their pick than the Clippers, the Knicks could be that team…..it would not surprise me in the least to see Zeke make some dumbazz trade that saddles this team with even more deadweight contracts and big name busts – Madison Square Garden has become the same Elephant’s Graveyard of Former NBA All Stars that it has been for the NY Rangers for years……..the NBA players straightened out their labor deal a whole lot faster than the NHL players have yet to do – I guess the spectre of having to pay multiple child support payments scared them into settling…….when and if the NHL ever comes back, they will have a lot of explaining to do with the dumb comments about the fans that have come spewing from idiots like Jeremy Roenick – face it Jeremy, you make a lot more money than all of us, you play a game, we pay way to much to see you play that game and we resent the fact that you felt like we owed you more – poker gets higher ratings on ESPN than the NHL……..I want to be a Hilton is on tonight – Paris & Nicky make an appearance and the rednecks and goobers all get to go party at the Polo matches in the Hamptons – good trainwreck television if you ask me – I wonder if Paris will give them advice on how to look your best when seen through night vision lenses……speaking of more reality TV – Whitney and Bobby have their show debut this Thursday night at 10pm on Bravo – I really wish they still lived in Mendham so I could see them at the Black Horse Inn getting hammered just like they used to in the old days – again this has the potential to be trainwreck TV……the 2 days of rain really made the swamp smell “great” on my ride in to work – more roadkill than usual too……..not that I was going to see “War of the Worlds” before Tom Cruise flipped out but now I won’t even rent it when it hits the dollar bin – I am sure that he gets some of the gross which he then gives to the Church of Scientology and I don’t want even a dime of my cash to line their pockets…..I hope Katie Holmes is getting paid an awful lot of money for the acting job she is doing right now…….George has summoned the yankee brass to Tampa – I wonder who is going to wake up tomorrow with a horse’s head in their bed ???.........Cliff Floyd is getting jobbed in the All Star voting – like anyone cares……..72 days until Randy Moss and the Raiders get killed in the NFL opener – football training camps can’t open soon enough…….early morning TV is getting pretty bad if I am forced to watch Frontier League Baseball games…….where has Erica Hill been and I am slowly starting to fall for Robin Meade…..beefmasters, supersonics, sweet cheery 100’s and lemon boy tomatoes are all coming in nicely – so are the Hungarian wax peppers and the Caribbean red Hots……..Miss America is going to CMT – will she need to trade in her diamond tiara for Minnie Pearl’s straw hat ?????.....Lindsay Lohan is upset with Disney for downsizing her likeness in the Herbie: Fully Loaded ads – I can’t imagine why Disney would not want a wafer thin bleach bottle blonde club hopping party girl out front advertising a family film ?????........how many baseball players would be willing to skip their all-star bonus this year to not play in Detroit ???.......Maria Sharapova is fun to watch play tennis – and she is good too…….first the leaders blow up in the Men’s US Open at Pinehurst in the final round and then the leaders blow up the Women’s US Open at Cherry Hills the following week…..hope to get to see the Women’s World Match Play Championships at Hamilton Farms this weekend – I would love to see former Pleasanton resident Paula Creamer steal this one – she is going to be good for a long time to come……..caught the finale of the Next Food Network Star and I have to say that I would not watch either of the finalists they chose – the judges obviously did not pick by personality or talent – they picked by the demographic that is missing on the Food Network – as far as I am concerned, the whole contest was a farce…….does anyone out there believe that Phil Jackson came back to the Lakers for any reason other than the money ? I didn’t think so…….listening to Tony Parker rap in French was almost as scary as watching Brent Barry dance…..the voices of Tigger and Piglet both passed away within hours of each other – as Pooh would say, “Oh Bother”………the quality of joggers and dog walkers at 7am is far superior to the joggers and dog walkers at 6:40am – I may need to leave the house a little bit later in the morning………and I still am in awe that Rachel Ray actually posed for FHM back in October 2003 (thank you google)……..

That it’s for me today – may there always be a beautiful babe to squeeze your lime……

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I am so ashamed of myself - 35 minutes in and I am absolutely hooked on "I want to be a Hilton" - more on this later....

OK - I'm back and I am still ashamed of myself. Central casting could not have done a better job in picking a cross section of stereotypes if they tried. Whoever was responsible for the casting should make damn sure that they have this show listed front & center on their resume. These people are tasteless and clueless - and I am not just talking about the Hiltons - I loved it when the british chick who dances in Vegas almost started crying when she heard her name finally called. What was the deal with Miss Tampa singing her lines ??? The guys are all guidos or hicks and Alain, the dude who got the boot, seriously looked like a serial killer when his name was not called. I feel real sorry for his gay lover tonight - look for Alain's suicide attempt in the NY Post any day now......and why give them a limo ride after they get kicked off "the island" ? They should be given a subway token or a one swipe metro card and pointed towards the D Train.

Kathy Hilton was so bad that she was awesome. She makes Paris look like an actress by comparison. There is no doubt in my mind that there is a sex tape out there with her in it - the years of alcohol, parties, drugs and surgery have treated her well - it's no wonder her daughters are the way that they are - I love this woman. I also love the number of single camera shots of her reciting her lines - she was wooden & stiff and you know she screwed up more than her fair share of lines.

This may not be "appointment TV" but it will get taped for the rest of it's run.

Monday, June 13, 2005

I believe that I owe an apology to Kevin McBride and to Tomato Cans everywhere - though Kevin McBride's nose at the end of the fight was as red as Ed McMahon's after a 3 day bender and he was just as coherent too. Mike Tyson has finally run his course and anyone who is willing to shell out even a buck to see him fight should be ashamed of themselves. Tyson was something special back in the late 80's when he tore through a weak heavyweight division. I will never forget the look of terror in Trevor Berbick's eyes as he realized that he was in the ring with Iron Mike and that he didn't stand a chance. A deer in a the headlights of an oncoming 18 wheeler has a more confident look on it's face. I will also never forget the night in 1990 when Tyson fumbled on the canvas looking for his mouthpiece and Buster Douglas "shocked the world". That Mike Tyson, the ear chewing, nonsense spewing, tattooed face Tyson is the fighter most people will always remember him to be. What a waste of a talent - what a waste of career - what a waste of a life.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

My only Hole in One turned 10 years old today - I haven't come closer than 10 feet since...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

So does Mike Tyson think that if he sticks around boxing long enough the public will start to love him like we did George Foreman ? Calling the Irish Heavyweight Champion a tomato can is an insult to tomato cans everywhere.......Kelly Clarkson does not look good with blonde hair but it does take your eyes away from her rather large butt......Game 1 of the NBA Finals is on and I am not watching.......Toby Keith's new tune "As Good As I Ever Was" is a great song - loved it when he sang it live to the troops in Iraq during the CMA's but he looked drunk when he sang it on Leno - still sounded as good as it ever was (bada bump).....a 7th season of the Soprano's ???......the quality of the joggers in the early morning has definitely gone up on drive to work since college got out for the summer......survived another week in Fantasy Golf last week when I should have been going home - just plain lucky......Jimmie Johnson should repeat at Pocono - at least my Fantasy Nascar teams hope he does.....still haven't seen a movie come out this year that is worth $100 to see......."Jeremiah Johnson" is an underrated western but I may have said that before......the more I see her, the more I like MSNBC's Kristine Johnson - and who took away Robin Meade's excessive makeup kit over at CNN Headline News ? I want to shake their hand - Robin no longer looks like she should be reading the news while swingning from a pole......David Wright is the real deal, Cliff Floyd was the best trade the Mets didn't make this winter and the yankees still suck......just 91 days until the Pats beat on Randy Moss and the NFL Season starts......later

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Randy Johnson sure looks like he was worth all that $$$ that Steinbrenner has paid him......Yanks are 0-21 in games in which they have scored 3 runs or less......The "Queer Eye" guys threw out the first pitch at Fenway the other day and Brian Cashman was said to be in the crowd with a radar gun......93 days until opening kickoff for the NFL just in case you were wondering.......who are the idiots who are making reservations at Hell's Kitchen and how many of them are wannabe actors trying to get some face time for their "loop" ???.....91 Days until the DVD of "LOST" Season 1 comes out just in case you were wondering.......No Triple Crown Threat this weekend at the Belmont makes this a very irrelevant horse race.......are they still playing the French Open ????.......went to the Crawfish Festival this weekend - I need to make some crawfish pie........cherry tomatoes have started flowering and so have my Caribbean Hot Peppers - my beans & peas are behind schedule and I think I need to get a pot of Roma Tomatoes for the back deck......NBC is cutting the price on it's ad rates for next year - shouldn't they be paying people to watch "Joey" ????........Spurs vs Pistons - be still my heart - I will probably fall over if either team scores 100 points in a game during the finals......and finally, Congrats to the 2005 Kelly Cup Champs - your TRENTON TITANS !!!!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

My first comment comes on the back of a throwaway thunk about Paris Hilton.....

A thunk back to last weekend and the Yanks-Sox series - do you thunk Billy Martin is spinning in his grave right about now - the Sox plunked Jeter again and yet again the yanks did nothing in retaliation - they are gutless and should all join AROD on Dr. Phil's couch.......didn't see the film clip from Tom Cruise's appearance on "Oprah" and I really wish I had - he has completely lost it - I'm glad I don't waste anymore of my $$$ on his movies........saw some of the replay of the Div III Championship Lax game between Middlebury & Salisbury this morning during my workout - what a great game - too bad my Panthers gacked at the end - that Div I championship game between Hopkins & Duke was fun to watch too - Lax is the sport of the future - the fact that you now see lax sticks on the beaches is a sure sign