Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Yet another post-Memorial Day blog for you, the faithful reader, to slog through so why don't we just get started with some front page news -

Lindsay Lohan busted for DUI and now there is the possibility that she could get charged for the coke they found in her car. Following the theory that even bad publicity is good publicity, do you think the suits at Pepsi were jealous ? And now Lindsay has supposedly passed out outside a nightclub where her friend was so worried about her condition that she fled to a brightly lit gas station so that the paparazzi could get better lighting for their pictures of Lindsay slumped in the front seat. Good thing that Lindsay is headed for Promises today.. I wonder if she has booked the Britney Spears wing and I wonder if they will let her out for Happy Hour. Someone just keep the scissors & clippers away from her head. Though on 2nd thought, I always thought she was more attractive as a redhead than a blonde. I guess Lindsay just can't stand to have Paris one up her.

And speaking of bald babes, Miss Tanzania was certainly interesting to look at last night. I immediately thought of Grace Jones without the killer sneer and growl when I saw her. I wish I had seen Miss USA slip on her azz live last night on the Miss Universe pageant but that would have meant that I watched more than the swimsuit competition and I am just not that shallow. Based on the swimsuit alone, you had to give it to Miss Brazil or Miss Venezuela. Miss Japan, the ultimate winner, strutted down the catwalk like it was her first shift at Baby Dolls and the crowd went nuts. And I can't wait to get home and download that second song lip-synched by the hit Mexican singing group, RBD. I don't know the name but the words got me:

"Dance, Dance, Dance
Rub, Rub, Rub
Stroke, Stroke, Stroke"

That is just powerful.

The Fratellis play music that reminds me of our college frat bands or a band that would have played upstairs at the Alibi. Great stuff. Heard Paulo Nutini's "New Shoes" playing in Shop-Rite on Saturday morning. He certainly went mainstream pretty quickly. And having any song from the Elvin Bishop Live CD come up on my ipod shuffle automatically makes any morning a better day.

Here is a Public Service Announcement for all non-New Yorkers coming to NYC in the future – There is NO RIGHT ON RED but there is most definitely crossing the street on red. I had to jump & twist to pivot myself out of the way of a black audi that decided to gun it around the corner at 36th street. Mel Kiper would have moved me up a round in the draft based on that alone.

This was the weekend of the 10 Cubic Yard Dumpster. It got delivered on Friday morning and it is almost completely full now and you would barely know it if you looked around the house. The kids loved throwing things in and hearing them break. I had way too much fun with the sledge hammer taking apart my wife's old desk and I was very careful about not breaking the mirrors I put into the dumpster. I don't need anymore bad luck than the bad luck I already got.

But not everything that got thrown out made it into the dumpster. At the end of the driveway I placed 6 strollers, 6 car seats, a fold up playpen, a bouncy seat and a Gatorade Golf Bag with a couple of random woods and some umbrellas with my old company's logo on them. Last night, I threw the bouncy seat back into the dumpster, everything else was gone. One mom in a minivan didn't even bother to fold up the 3 graco strollers and another woman (who grabbed the peg perego strollers were standing on her tiptoes straining to see down the driveway as to whether there was anything else she might get to take. All she had to do was drive in and ask, dumpster diving was allowed & encouraged.

What if they had a golf tournament and nobody watched ? Then it would be called "The Colonial". Quick, who won ? I had to look it up too.

What if they had a blog and nobody read it ? It would be called "Quietly making noise". Zing !!!

Ever notice that ever since the Over The Hedge movie came out that Hammy the Squirrel now gets all the best lines in the daily strip ? Not bad for a minor character that stepped out of a mirror.

The television season officially ended last week and this morning I was left with virtually nothing but a couple of Desperate Housewife episodes on tape to watch. I channel surfed instead and couldn't even find a Spanish infomercial for Girls Gone Wild. Thank God for ESPN News and my lack of TV watching over the weekend. That and the Weather on the 8's. Forecast doesn't change much in 10 minutes though. The summer season of shows is starting soon so 4am will not be as dreary as it seems. We have Hell's Kitchen coming back, Top Chef: Miami and a multitude of other bad shows trying to fill airtime on a multitude of minor channels that can always be taped. Dirty Jobs & MythBusters are always good fillers. The Sopranos is almost over and this last episode was dark. Tony is going to have to hit Phil before Phil hits Tony but it is probably way too late for Tony to be able to do anything anyway. I got HBO for the Sopranos & Entourage and The Sopranos ends June 10. Is Entourage alone worth the cost of HBO ? More Johnny Drama and the answer will be yes.

Did you know that on the side of the Girl Scouts Cookies box that it says that a serving is just 2 cookies ? What idiot put that there ? Everyone knows that a serving size is a single sleeve.

Both the Men's & Women's Lax Finales were great. Caught some of the women's finale on Monday morning on tape and caught the beginning of the Men's before I got dragged to see Shrek 3 by the swamprats (I fell asleep – so much for my review). Duke made a mad comeback but Johns Hopkins once again stepped up to take their 9th National Championship. This sport has grown so much since I played in high school. It is just great to watch and over 48K people did down in Baltimore yesterday. Congrats to the Northwestern women while we are at it. Real powerhouse they have built out there in a very non-hotspot for the sport.

Looking back on last week's mention of IDAHO NACHOS, I googled them and came up with other restaurants that serve them as well. They all seemed to be up in the northern Midwest – North Dakota, Minnesota & Wisconsin. Potatoes & cheese – a northern culinary staple.

Speaking of food, it was again Memorial Day weekend and a time for grill everywhere to be manned by men with tongs in one hand and a frosty cold beverage in the other. Or is it ? Saw an article before the weekend that more women are kicking men away from their duty of turning burger patties into charcoal lumps and taking over the grill. Blasphemy I say but then again, I did let my little swamprats help me with the sausages, hot dogs and burgers yesterday so maybe even I am getting to be somewhat enlightened. Also made some pizzas on the grill on Sunday night using a week's worth of leftovers for toppings. I am glad that Mrs. Swampy likes burned/charred food because I had to put her pizza over a hot spot on my Frankenstein of a weber grill. Thirteen years old (present from my groomsmen on my wedding day) and only the shell is an original part. I know I need a new grill for the new house but I still love this thing.

As for the sale of the house – MAKE ME AN OFFER !!!! Subtle, don't you think ?

Why don't answering machines ever pick up on TV unless the wrong person is standing next to the phone ?

Jokingly told Tim to get me 65 pieces of Turkey Bacon this morning when he asked me if I wanted anything from Sick Charlie's. There is now free turkey bacon with each cup of coffee from the kitchen on our floor here at the office.

Casey Mears wins the Coke 600 on Sunday night – that was random and Daro Franchitti played the odds with the rain and won the Indy 500. The highlight of the Indy 500 had to be seeing Ashley Judd jumping up & down in the rain about her hubby's victory. She could easily be on my cheat on mrs. swampy list if I expanded it to ten or more. She would easily qualify as MILF too if she had any kids. Elizabeth Shue definitely qualifies as MILF though. Sounds like she has a new semi-autobiographical movie coming out soon – she plays the mother character for the character based on herself. Perhaps the most exciting part of this movie though is that Andrew Shue is in it too. I miss the theatrical passion of Billy.

So the new co-host of "Yo Mamma" (and isn't being Wilmer Valderramas's co-host a crowning achievement?) got the job when she ad-libbed "Now put some stank on it." Was she talking about the show itself or the putdowns ? This show actually does have some taping potential for 4am viewing this summer. Did I actually just write that ?

I use a pen at work until it runs out of ink. Just threw away a pen from "The Mirage". Guess I need to go on some more trips soon.

Another Bronco got arrested last week – guess they didn't want to be upstaged by the Bengals latest arrest.

While watching the last 2 CSI: Las Vegas episodes – what a great finale after he letdown that was Lady Heather from the week before – I saw a promo for the CSI: Miami finale that wasn't even close to what actually happened in the episode itself. I would have been really pissed if what happened in the ad had happened on the show. And why isn't Delko dead yet ? Maybe the Dharma Shark could eat him the next time they send him into the water ?

Boy the yankees really suck right about now. Even bar owners around the stadium are complaining because no one is coming in to watch them home or on the road. This team is starting to remind me of other great suckitude teams like the yanks of the 60's & 80's. They should just all give up now and let George begin the whackings. WFAN should be a fun listen this afternoon. A great NY sports figure did retire this past week and that was of course the best # 2 in NY Rangers history – Brian Leetch. In fact, the only 3 players to wear # 2 are 1-3 on the Rangers top 5 all time defensemen list – Leetch, Brad Park & Harry Howell. Ron Greschner gets the #4 spot and they say James Patrick is # 5 but I lean towards Willie Huber myself. I can't wait to be n MSG when # 2 goes to the rafters. Only Adam Graves will be left and # 9 better go up soon after. I will hear no opposing arguments on that topic.

Almost done with "The Real Animal House" and my side still hurts from laughing. It's sophomoric & crude and I can add to it with my own stories. Let me say this though, I drank A LOT in college but nowhere near what these guys purportedly did. I will never forget crashing Dartmouth Winter Carnival in 1983 after we got a letter from the Dartmouth Inter-Fraternity Council specifically telling us we weren't invited. Krusty in the Boiler Room of Sigma Nu may have been the highlight of the trip. That story is for another time.

In a tip of the hat to The Lockhorns – I can always put off until tomorrow what should have been done years ago. Crosspostings on blogger are going to start up again – maybe.

And finally, as is habit on these long holiday weekends, swampy did not shave and by last night you could see how much more gray has come in since just back in March. The whole chin and major portions of the cheeks. Mrs. Swampy knows the cause of them and I am sure a great many of you do too- MAKE ME AN OFFER – next time we will have to update the profile pic.

Quietly waiting for the crawfish fest to start….swampy abides

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