Back from Orlando with thunks on Survivor, Football & a whole lot of what not....

So I spent 4 days last week in Orlando inside a convention center at an industry conference that was only slightly less painful than being boiled in oil & eaten alive by starving cannibals. At least I flew first class there & back.

My hotel was under construction when I got there so that meant no free appetizers, breakfast or snacks on the executive level. I would have been better off at a DewDrop Inn or a Motel Sixty Nine. I am getting so spoiled.

Anybody watch any football yesterday ? I am wearing my Memphis Musician tie today because I have some friends up in the beantown area who are singing the blues today. Guess that walking talking touchdown tossing Ken doll couldn’t beat the extra from Next of Kin and the rest of his motley crew in the seriously ugly brown & mustard uniforms. I did dig on some of the players twisting their vertical striped socks so they looked like barber poles. I liked the scoreboard at the end of the game better. If the sun were actually out today, it would be orange with blue streaks.

Finally watched Survivor this weekend and stop the presses, the idiots at FOA FOA finally won a challenge. Natalie, the blow up Barbie doll, who had yet to say more than one coherent sentence in the past episodes actually stepped up, talked & delivered. Russell may think he has that tribe under his thumb but I have a feeling that Jaison may be the start of an undercurrent of rebellion. Without his redneck minion from the other side of Hell, the outlaw hillbilly, Russell may find the going a bit trickier even for the holder of an immunity idol.

Over at Club GALU, Sister Detroit was actually making herself out to be even more of an outcast and even more disposable for the yoga crew than Shambo & her magnificent mulletness. I think the only thing that actually saved Shambo this week, beside the fact that she is a graduate of the Dr. Doolittle Correspondence Course in Conversational Chicken, was the fact that Club Monica & her itsy bitsy purple polka dot bikini was so pathetic in the challenge that her yoga crew had to save her from being targeted by Captain Dreadlock for elimination. And props go to Eric for finding the other immunity idol by using her royal mulletness’s hidden clues against her.

And don’t think we haven’t seen the last of that vagabond chicken either. I am willing to bet that it shows up in a few weeks when Russell sacrifices a goat or something….

(but seriously, nobody cares what I think – you should all just click now on the link to your left for the Bitchy Survivor Blog by ColetteLala – she slays & flays)

It has been my experience that most double standards are a one way street & I am heading the wrong direction.

I missed Top Chef this week but finally got it recorded last night so nobody tell me who was told to pack their knives. Of course that assumes that anyone is actually reading my blogs and we know that no one is because kharma is a bitch that way.

Protesters in the street outside my building ? Really ? Why ? Did they actually find out that I was back at work today? I may have to send someone down to find out. It is Columbus Day but that shouldn’t have anything to do with it. I think.

The Yankees beat the Twins and the Angels swept the Sawx. This is the best case scenario for us yankee haters in that the Angels have had their number this year with the exception of the final series in California. And by the way, they are still the CALIFORNIA Angels to me, none of this Anaheim Angels crap.

I love cooking in the crackpot on lazy Sundays. Threw in some pork shoulder with red & green peppers, carrots, butternut squash, sweet & white potatoes, apples, apple cider, some bbq sauce and some woostershistershiresauce. Dang tasty over some yellow rice. Guaranteed the wife & kids won’t leave an leftovers for me.

Dancing with the Wannabe & Never Were Stars is on tonight and I have read that the ratings are off dramatically. It is either because they have a mix of real nobody cares celebs or that Julianne Hough left the show. My $$$ is on the latter.

I had to scrape frost off my windshield this morning, guess that means that those final 10 habaneros I picked on Saturday were the final 10 habaneros I am going to get to pick this year. My garden was pretty much a disaster but I am just going to blame George W. Bush for it all anyway. It seems to be in vogue again.

I know I am few days late on this one but you can check my twitter feed if you want from Friday for verification but I did say that the Nobel Peace Prize did seem to me like it was a consolation prize or one of those pathetic little league participant trophies for losing out on the Olympics. I still can’t believe that the Power of 3 that was Barack, Michelle & Oprah couldn’t bring the games home to Chicago.

The weather is cooling and the boots are chilling but I do not have a boot fetish…

I really love watching Amanda from CHOPPED struggle on the Next Iron Chef – every time someone criticizes her she looks like she is constipated….

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving !!! (think they know they are celebrating 6 weeks early ?

This past Saturday was my fake ID birthday from high school. It says I turned 48.

And a week from today my sobriety will finally be old enough to legally drink.

I had 25 voicemail messages on my phone when I came in this morning. I really wish I had a delete ALL button.

A reporter from Channel 5 asked me if I thought the tickets at yankee stadium were overpriced. I told her you couldn’t pay me enough to go to a game. I don’t think I will be on the 10pm news.

It’s 3pm and there isn’t a realistic chance in hell of me actually doing anything productive in the next 2 hours. I already cleared out all the emails from last week and reassigned any real work I might have had. Now I am trying to figure out what to watch/listen to on Hulu before it is time to leave.

And on that thought, it is perhaps best to say that’s the view from Behind the Shades…..until I am bored again and you are looking to kill some more brain cells…..swampy abides

just because I didn't feel like doing anymore work today

No one in my family wanted to walk through the front doors of the church with me last Sunday. Did they really think I was going to get struck by lightning ?

Of course the Pastor was more than happy to shake my hand after the service. I did make sure to check and see if I still had my watch on when he was done.

I have to sing & dance in the play my middle swamprat volunteered me to be in. This could get ugly. Damn you Youtube !

Isn’t just plain terrible that I HAVE to play golf for work tomorrow ? Yeah I know, you feel my pain.

Just watched last week’s premiere of FlashForward on Hulu – it was okay but certainly not worth ditching Survivor. I will stick to watching it online for now.

I made my killer vegetable cheese soup last weekend so now I need to come up with something else to make this weekend. I am thinking butternut squash or pork loin but really it will probably be more like Chopped in that I will open the Freezer and see what I pull out.

Speaking of Chopped, one of the female judges, the stern blonde – not fat Alex Guarnaschelli, is going to be one of the 10 competitors on The Next Iron Chef. I really hope she tanks but I have a sneaking suspicion that she will do well since she only lost to Bobby Flay by 1 point in Battle King Crab.

Speaking of Iron Chef, the Chairman’s nephew is paired up with Lacey Schwimmer on Dancing with the Wannabe Once Were Never Will Be Stars and he doesn’t look half bad. He should be getting some strong cult viewer dial-in support. I am torn between wanting him, Natalie Coughlin or Louie the Snowboarder to win. I think I want Louie to win because he is dancing with Julianne Version 2.0 and she is kind of cute and fun to watch.

Speaking of fun to watch, I m loving ABC’s Modern Family starring Al Bundy. I will boil it down in a nutshell for you, Al dumped Peg and got a trophy wife, Bud turned gay and Kelly got smart and married an idiot. How can you not watch this ?

How can you also not be watching college football. The season seems to be in one big shaker and the AP rolls out a new & completely different Top 25 every week. I guess the writers are waiting for the BCS computer to tell them what the rankings should really be. Just keep the Big 12 & The Big 10 out of the National Championship game – PLEASE !!!

Drop the Puck !!!!

Dianne Birch is one of my favorite free download finds from StarCrooks. Check her out if you get a chance.

Speaking of StarCrooks, I will miss the free coffee once our offices moves uptown to that deluxe apartment in the sky-yi-yi-yi….

Roman Polanski deserves to be in jail. Anyone who defends him & his actions obviously does not have a daughter. I have 2 and people like him scare me to death.

I’ll be back on the road again next week which will mean nightly updates from my hotel. Or maybe not. It really depends on how lazy I am.

The Broncos will upset the cowpokies in Denver on Sunday and my undefeated season prediction will still be alive and the sun in my world will still be orange with hints of blue.

My habaneros are finally kicking in even if they are late and that is the view for now from Behind The Shades……swampy abides…..

SURVIVOR - Episode 2 - 09/24/2009

Finally got around to watching the 2nd episode of Survivor last night so we need to quickly get my ignorant thoughts down before I go over and read the most excellent bitchiness that is brought forth weekly by ColetteLala on her blog (Click on the link to the left).

I said it last week and I will say it again, Mark Burnett has to be beside himself with glee because of Russell. The guy is pure evil and purely full of himself. He is obviously a student of the game and he already has the camp under his control. His proactive search of the camp for the immunity idol was pure genius. As was stuffing the idol down the front of his too small, too tight shorts/underwear because no one in that camp is going to risk getting caught by him looking at his package. He’s targeted 2 survivors and has picked them both off. His team however better start winning some challenges or it will be his head on a stake in the jungle instead of a pig’s.

Ben, the outlaw hillbilly, may soon surpass Russell as the most hated man on Survivor if he keeps up the cheap play, the ketchup sandwiches and the dissing of the Probst & his “sissy rules” at Tribal Council. Foa Foa may have kept him around for the physical aspect of the challenges but if he can’t stay in them and help them win, he is going to be headed for the Loser’s Lodge pretty damn quick and he can make his own ketchup sandwiches & Kool-Aid.

Not sure what Miss Detroit’s name is but she obviously doesn’t know that EVERYONE is playing for the same $1,000,000. I am a gentleman and was brought up to never hit a lady but if we are both on equal footing and we are both going for the same pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, someone is getting knocked down and it sure isn’t going to be me.

Does the long haired blonde on Foa Foa talk ? I don’t think she said a single word all episode. I also think that at Tribal, she obviously borrowed Heidi Klum’s Project Runway hairstyle. Don’t wrap it too tight darling, we wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Was the Outlaw Hillbilly’s trip of Captain Dreadlock really enough to get kicked out of a game ? It was no more egregious than some of the earlier hits and maybe a little less so than some of the facial blows that were delivered in the first 2 rounds. Props to the Probst for spotting it and I guess he had to call it after the warning but if it had been on the final point, I think he would have “swallowed his whistle” like any ref worth his salt.

I think that Captain Milquetoast over at Foa Foa must secretly be French.

I think Shambo is gone the minute she sticks her torch into the flame the first time her team goes to tribal. You can’t not catch fish and lose the snorkel mouthpiece and expect to survive. I guess her mullet must have scared off the fish or was it the wonderful gelatinous whiteness of her bikini clad body ?

Can I use Betsy’s name if I ever get pulled over in New Hampshire ?

If I ever saw Mike cooking in the kitchen of a restaurant I had walked into, my first thought would be “CHECK PLEASE !” He embarrassed New Yorkers everywhere with his pathetic attempt at being tough. Braiding the tip of your nasty ass beard does not strike fear in the hearts of your fellow competitors. Neither does a gut the size of jumbo Turducken. He got his bell rung and his ticket punched all at the same time – good riddance.

Burnett threw us a red herring in the previews for next week that showed Jaison & Captain Milquetoast possibly trying to subvert Russell in his quest for the $1,000,000. You just know that Burnett is not going to let this happen. He doesn’t believe in “fairplay” when it comes to getting ratings especially when you lose the week to FlashForward.

I’ll be back again next week for another 2 minutes & 17 seconds of commentary you won’t remember…

And that is the view from Behind The Shades……swampy abides