SURVIVOR - Episode 2 - 09/24/2009

Finally got around to watching the 2nd episode of Survivor last night so we need to quickly get my ignorant thoughts down before I go over and read the most excellent bitchiness that is brought forth weekly by ColetteLala on her blog (Click on the link to the left).

I said it last week and I will say it again, Mark Burnett has to be beside himself with glee because of Russell. The guy is pure evil and purely full of himself. He is obviously a student of the game and he already has the camp under his control. His proactive search of the camp for the immunity idol was pure genius. As was stuffing the idol down the front of his too small, too tight shorts/underwear because no one in that camp is going to risk getting caught by him looking at his package. He’s targeted 2 survivors and has picked them both off. His team however better start winning some challenges or it will be his head on a stake in the jungle instead of a pig’s.

Ben, the outlaw hillbilly, may soon surpass Russell as the most hated man on Survivor if he keeps up the cheap play, the ketchup sandwiches and the dissing of the Probst & his “sissy rules” at Tribal Council. Foa Foa may have kept him around for the physical aspect of the challenges but if he can’t stay in them and help them win, he is going to be headed for the Loser’s Lodge pretty damn quick and he can make his own ketchup sandwiches & Kool-Aid.

Not sure what Miss Detroit’s name is but she obviously doesn’t know that EVERYONE is playing for the same $1,000,000. I am a gentleman and was brought up to never hit a lady but if we are both on equal footing and we are both going for the same pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, someone is getting knocked down and it sure isn’t going to be me.

Does the long haired blonde on Foa Foa talk ? I don’t think she said a single word all episode. I also think that at Tribal, she obviously borrowed Heidi Klum’s Project Runway hairstyle. Don’t wrap it too tight darling, we wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Was the Outlaw Hillbilly’s trip of Captain Dreadlock really enough to get kicked out of a game ? It was no more egregious than some of the earlier hits and maybe a little less so than some of the facial blows that were delivered in the first 2 rounds. Props to the Probst for spotting it and I guess he had to call it after the warning but if it had been on the final point, I think he would have “swallowed his whistle” like any ref worth his salt.

I think that Captain Milquetoast over at Foa Foa must secretly be French.

I think Shambo is gone the minute she sticks her torch into the flame the first time her team goes to tribal. You can’t not catch fish and lose the snorkel mouthpiece and expect to survive. I guess her mullet must have scared off the fish or was it the wonderful gelatinous whiteness of her bikini clad body ?

Can I use Betsy’s name if I ever get pulled over in New Hampshire ?

If I ever saw Mike cooking in the kitchen of a restaurant I had walked into, my first thought would be “CHECK PLEASE !” He embarrassed New Yorkers everywhere with his pathetic attempt at being tough. Braiding the tip of your nasty ass beard does not strike fear in the hearts of your fellow competitors. Neither does a gut the size of jumbo Turducken. He got his bell rung and his ticket punched all at the same time – good riddance.

Burnett threw us a red herring in the previews for next week that showed Jaison & Captain Milquetoast possibly trying to subvert Russell in his quest for the $1,000,000. You just know that Burnett is not going to let this happen. He doesn’t believe in “fairplay” when it comes to getting ratings especially when you lose the week to FlashForward.

I’ll be back again next week for another 2 minutes & 17 seconds of commentary you won’t remember…

And that is the view from Behind The Shades……swampy abides