So Paris is engaged to marry Paris - I guess we can all look forward to the Honeymoon Video - coming to a website near you......

and can Paris actually wear white for her wedding ? Wouldn't red be a more appropriate color ?

It took more than a week but someone in my office finally noticed that I have new glasses......I cannot begin to tell you how offended I am by the fact that "The Longest Yard" remake made $60m this past weekend - this is a movie that never needed to be re-made.....I actually tried to watch the original on regular TV the other night but that is one of those movies that just can't be watched on regular TV........Danica Patrick sure looks like the real goods - on & off the track.......can the Spurs pull a yankees and lose 4 straight after being up 3-0 against the Suns ??? - Amare's block of Duncan's dunk was highlight keeper material......17-1 ? When the yankees get a chance to kick a Rouge ????

Ever since I started picking on the Yankees they have been winning so you won’t hear another word about them from me…..for now……the same old Mets, can’t beat the Yankees and can’t beat the Braves – they better show some heart down in Florida this weekend or you can stick a fork in them………Carrie beats Bo in the AI Final – no real surprise there – my favorite moment from the whole season was Bo’s reaction when the AI producers surprised him with 2 of the remaining members of Lynrd Skynrd – his face was like “Who are these really old dudes in my hotel room ?????”……I haven’t watched my tape of “The Contender” Finale but I did read Bill Simmons excellent real time diary of the fight and it was hilarious – no surprise at all that Sergio “The Latin Snake” Mora took the Contender Title Belt and the $1m check…….I hope the City of Denver has the money in the budget for the cleanup of the tickertape they are going to need in February now that Jerry Rice has signed with the Broncos – I realize that Mike Shanahan once coached Jerry Rice in SF but that was a long time ago and a lot of lost talent ago……….still haven’t seen the new Stars Wars flick – don’t hold your breath waiting for me to see it either………..Lindsay Lohan looked terrible on SNL – she seems to be channeling Paris Hilton more and more – someone needs to do an intervention – maybe feed her one of those Carl’s Jr Spicy BBQ $6 Burger that Paris is pretending eat in her new commercial – speaking of Paris, is that just another pathetic attempt at keeping the clock ticking at 14:59 or what ????.................Dwyane Wade may not know how to correctly spell his name but he sure can take you to school – has Shaq ever had a better wingman ? No offense to Kobe & Penny but they were just talented selfish schmucks who never appreciated the big man in the middle………..A mild surprise that Phoenix lost the opening 2 games at home in their series with San Antonio – I guess they miss Joe Johnson more than I thought they would – Phoenix does have the best road record in the NBA this year but the Spurs have the best home record – I guess something will have to give there……..No disappointment at all in the “LOST” finale last night – some questions answered, more questions asked, we now know who the comic book belonged to, September can’t get here soon enough…….I really suck at Fantasy Baseball but I don’t suck as much as Jeff Gordon did singing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” the other night – Wrigley Stadium ? A cheat sheet with the words ???? Please go back to turning left at high speeds now……….caught myself singing Cowboy Troy’s Hick Hop hit “I played Chicken with the Train” this morning…………dusted off the clubs recently and played 2 good rounds back to back – it’s only a matter of time before all of my old bad habits come back and my game goes to hell – it is fun being able to make a putt….for now……..Tara Reid has signed on as the new host of “Wild On” – I guess my prediction of Playboy by November is now almost a certified lock as each of the previous hostesses has done the same………the mighty Trenton Titans have taken a 2-0 lead over the Florida Everblades in the Kelly Cup Finals – I will take my hockey wherever I can get it these days……the best part of my daily commute is the 7.2 mile stretch where I have no cell phone service – 11 minutes of no chance of a call………….Gatorade Mango Electrico and Tropical Intenso are my 2 new favorite flavors – Que Sabor !!!!.................sorry Dad but the Minnesota Vikings are now my second favorite team in the NFL and when does football start anyway ? It’s never soon enough…….

That’s it for me – I’m out like a fat kid playing dodgeball

A couple of quick thunks - last night a pseudo southern rocker and a wannabe country pop star went at it on the American Idol finale - two genres of music the producers have not tapped into during the previous 3 competitions - neither one impressed me all that much - Bo sounds like Curtis Stigers but Carrie finally let a crack show in her robotic veneer during her final song and that small bit of honest emotion (along with a serious power note) may have been enough for Country Barbie to pull off a win..........tonight is the 2 hour season finale of LOST - don't call my house while it is on - I won't answer - I can't help but think that the ship will come aground back on the island and the Johnny Depp and the skeleton crew of the Black Pearl will come pouring out of the Ghost Ship - September looks like a long ways away right now..........after seeing Milwaukee get the #1 pick in the NBA draft lottery, how many potential # 1 picks are now hoping that they are #2 ?.......did not see the Contender finale last night due to a meeting - don't tell me who won.......is there a less relevant or watchable Tennis Grand Slam than the French Open ? Oh yeah, I forgot about the Australian Open......got to get back to work

Some CMA thunks coming right at ya - Gretchen Wilson looks like that girl at the last call at the end of the bar that can hurt you in oh so many ways.......what was up with the new streaks in Sara Evans hair ???? And could she have smiled at least once last night ????.....Big & Rich got robbed for Top Vocal Duo and so did Montgomery Gentry........Toby Keith was awesome from Iraq - I dug on that tune and need to find it right away - in a related note, my kids love "Talk About Me" - I have to crank it in the car........Lee Ann Womack is one healthy woman and I ain't complaining.......speaking of women not smiling - Miranda Lambert must have been real nervous last night - she was on TV about 6000 times and I didn't see her smile once.....I guess I need to order me some Keith Urban - I didn't know he was that good......looks like it's time for Garth brook to cut back on the moon pies and get himself back out onto the road.....and did Kenny Chesney already forget he was married ??? Not even a shout out to his new bride.......good show but then the country music awards shows usually are

Too much going on these days not to grace you all with my unsolicited thunks…….the last time I ragged on Mike Piazza he went on a tear so let me be the first to say that your mama dresses you funny and your grandma wears army boots……..I’m not sold on the Yankees 9 game winning streak – they have to beat someone other the A’s and the Mariners (like Tampa Bay) before I will take them seriously – Carl Pavano pitches tonight so the streak should be over soon – I hope……….Ian showed his naivete and his lack of brains when he made his deal with Tom during the final immunity challenge on Sunday night’s Survivor Finale – does he really think that Tom or Katie will even recognize him on the street in another year ????.......Katie looked to be channeling Jenna Lewis with her makeover on Sunday night – now I guess we will have to wait and see how soon before her sex tape hits the internet……..to the editors of Maxim, Stuff, FHM and Playboy - Jenn, Steph, Katie, Ashlee and Kim are all waiting for their calls……..The Trenton Titans have pulled off a Game 7 upset of the Alaska Aces in the ECHL Kelly Cup Conference Finals and now move on to the face the Florida Everblades……..The Rally Cow Returns on June 21 – NJ Cards baseball is back and there is no better place to watch a game with a family – the baseball sucks but the atmosphere is great……….Sergio Mora vs Jesse Brinkley should have been the Contender finale but it will still make a great semi-final match-up this Sunday night…….The CMA Awards could potentially hurt Carrie Underwood tonight in American Idol – she’s good but she would have been out early if she had been on Nashville Star…….Does anyone know when the next Star Wars movie is coming out ? I couldn’t find anything about it on the internet……….these are my 5am television viewing thoughts – Dean Martin as Matt Helm was nowhere near as good as Sean Connery as James Bond but he sure was better than the latter day Roger Moore – Ann Margaret was smoking in the 1960’s and would be painfully hot today – she had curves that today’s coked up party girl club hopping wannabe starlets will never have – Kiran Chetry can wear her leather pants to do the news any morning she wants to – The Lost World was a very underrated bad TV show, thank you TNT for sneaking in the odd showing every now and then for me – why isn’t Xena on some random channel in the middle of the night and whatever happened to the actress who played Gabrielle ????.........Newsweek essentially killed 17 people with it’s Qoran report this week – “We’re sorry” just doesn’t cut it- I’m no journalist and I don’t play one on TV but if you are going to go to press with a story like that using just one unconfirmed source you might as well just change the name of the magazine to Weekly World News or The Star………is it possible for Nicolette Sheridan to wear any tighter or smaller clothes than she is already wearing on Desperate Housewives ? I’m not complaining and I will keep researching this for all of you……..Do you think that Tom Cruise’s kids have told Katie Holmes that they loved watching her on Dawson’s Creek ???...........has an over/under been set on the Kenny Chesney/Rene Zellweger marriage yet ?............how much do Pacers and Pistons fans hate the Wizards for giving Shaq another 8 days off before the conference finals…..the Phoenix Suns are in trouble if Steve Nash is scoring 48 points in a game – he should be dishing, not swishing…….I obviously know nothing about horse racing based on my pick of Bandini in the Kentucky Derby (19th out of 20) but I have to like the local horse, Malibu Moonshine, this Saturday in the Preakness…….Hungarian Wax Peppers, Sugar Snap Peas, purple bell peppers and Yellow Tomatoes are the new additions to this years vegetable garden – look for updates in the coming weeks

That’s it for now – the delete key is in the upper right hand corner of your keyboard if you haven’t hit it already

Fat Mike & the Angry Puppy were all up in arms yesterday on WFAN/YES Network about the Mets not setting up their rotation so Pedro would pitch against the Yankees. Instead he will be pitching against the braves & Marlins. I'm a Mets fan and i agree with the Mets on this one. The Braves & the Marlins are the divisional rivals and the two teams the Mets have to beat to get to the playoffs. Pedro should pitch in the games that matter the most. Face it yankee fans, the yanks are far from the world beaters that they used to be (they can't even beat Tampa) and the inter-league games with the Mets don't have the sizzle they once did. MLB needs to drop the yearly rivalry match-ups and go to the same alternating system that the NFL uses. Then a once every 3 to 4 year Mets/yanks series will mean something again - that and it would help if the yanks stopped sucking......

That last thunk deserved it's own post......my mother-in-law picked "Giacomo" in the Derby because he was a "paisan" - I only wish that I had taken her to the track or OTB with that kind of thunking.......I guess the yankees figured out that they better start winning since Bellamy Road ran straight to the glue factory with his race on Saturday........Bandini can just change his name now to Alpo because his stud fees just dropped to pocket change.......the Derby is an event that I would love to get to some time in my life - it's up there with the Super Bowl and the Masters.

and now Jennifer Garner is pregnant with Ben Affleck's baby ???? This is not right.....

I was driving through the swamp this morning and saw a hawk tearing the ass out of a dead deer by the side of the road - an appropriate image considering I was headed to work.

It's going to be a long day......

It’s that time again – too many thunks rolling around my empty head and a few of them were bound to slip out…….

I now know what my overpaid, underachieving, former all-star New York Rangers have been doing during the NHL Lockout – they put on pinstripes and moved to the Bronx….the Yankees haven’t lost 15 games this early in the season since 1997……..good thing for the Yankees that Tampa Bay is in the same division (and on their schedule so much this early in the season) or they would really be screwed………the first round of the NBA playoffs are a joke – only 2 series are going to go more than 5 games and one of the series that is going to go 5 should have been a sweep – yes Denver, I’m talking about you……speaking of Denver, let’s talk about the Broncos and their drafting of Maurice Clarett ? Why ? To give Ron Dayne some competition for the last RB cut in camp slot on the roster ?.........the NY Post reported this past Sunday that filming has started on the 6th and final season of “The Sopranos” – it’s about time – now when is Season 5 coming out on DVD ????.........With Jennifer Garner’s engagement to Ben Affleck, she is now officially off my list – the current list is as follows – Teri Hatcher, Diane Lane, Marg Helgenberger, Juliet Huddy and Heather Locklear – as always, it is subject to change………..I saw a Bruce Springsteen video on VH1 Country yesterday morning – why ?..................on a completely random note (and I know at least one of you has heard this before but) – I work in an office, not a bar – so why is there piss on the floor ? And what is up with guys who flip their ties over their shoulders when stepping up to the urinal ? Do they really have little control over their directionality ? Maybe they are the ones pissing on the floor ? the little things bug me………..as long as the Mets keep winning when Pedro is pitching, this controversy about who is doing his catching is a non-issue to me – Piazza is old and can’t throw anyone out anymore anyway – he is going to be a great DH for someone next year – start making your offers now……….The Broncos November Road Schedule looks like crap so that means one thing and one thing only – VEGAS BABY !!!!!............the cowpokies signed the A-Train yesterday as their 3rd down back ? Is Parcells smoking crack ? Since when is a fat guy who has forgotten how to run and catch (see Ron Dayne) a 3rd down back ?............The Contender gets better each week – my money is on Sergio “The Snake” Mora to win it all – I do like the Jesse Brinkley-Anthony Bonsante match-up this coming weekend…….the Kentucky Derby is this Saturday and is any surprise that George Steinbrenner has fired his horse’s trainer recently ? If Bellamy Road wins then Joe Torre might be seeing Nick Zito in his rearview mirror……..Stephenie got voted off Survivor last week and I couldn’t be more pissed – those people are idiots – they finally had a chance to get rid of Tom and they blew it – did Caryn really see herself beating Tom at anything ? I don’t like anyone on the show anymore so I hope that Tom wins the rest of the challenges and screws up all of their plans – and like Bill Simmons said over on Page 2 – is Katie actually gaining weight ??????..........Paul Shirley’s Playoff Diary is some of the best reading you can find on the internet – his regular season diary was pretty funny too – head over the Phoenix Suns website if you haven’t already been there……..Dan Jenkins has a new golf book out and it is already # 1 on my MUST READ list – I am already laughing about it and I haven’t even read the first sentence - Dan Jenkins could make a grocery list worth reading……….Diamond Daily on ESPN is one of the best Fantasy Sports games that you can play – of course, if you really want to pad your stats, pick the player I picked the day after I pick them – guaranteed to go yard………….I’m still holding to my prediction that Tara Reid is in Playboy by November
You’ve been great – grab a slice of cake and party favor on your way out